April, 2012.
Rachel woke up screaming. She thrashed around in a panic before seeing the neon red light on her bedside table that read 3:19 am.
It took her a few minutes to calm down and remember that she was no longer in high school, Finn was no longer a part of her life, and that it had just been a dream. Well a dream rooted in real memories that had taken a nightmarish turn, through which certain subconscious fears and pre-occupations had been revealed.. but nonetheless, still a dream.
After restlessly tossing and turning for another hour, she realized she wasn't going to get any more sleep that night. She slipped into her silk pink robe and headed into her tiny kitchen to make herself a cup of hot chocolate.
In spite of the warning bells ringing in her mind, as she got up on the cool kitchen counter and crossed her legs to wait for the milk to boil, she couldn't help but reflect on the vivid dream she had just experienced. It had started off with such a familiar scene, one of the happiest days of her life...
March, 2009.
It was sophomore year. Regionals was fast approaching and Finn and Rachel were in the choir room waiting for Mr. Schue so they could practice the new duet the Glee coach had promised to assign them. Things were still weird between them, but Rachel had just broken up with Jesse after deciding it was too risky to jeopardize the team for an up and down relationship she wasn't even wholeheartedly committed to, and he had run butt hurt back to Carmel High and Vocal Adrenaline.
And somehow, here they were, Rachel and Finn, Finn and Rachel.. back to the way things had been before all the drama. Just two good friends who understood each other.
Facing each other on the first level of the risers, somehow their conversation had steered towards the pregnancy fiasco (Mr. Schue was running extremely late).
"Wait, so you two never even had sex? Yet you believed she was carrying your child?"
Rachel looked at her friend disbelievingly, she had witnessed some of his dimmer moments, but thishad to take the cake.
"Hey, don't look at me like that. She gave me a really good story about hot tubs being like, the perfect swimming pool for all those little Finns, she was really convincing.."
He grinned sheepishly as Rachel burst out laughing.
"But wait," she said, trying to contain the giggles as another thought crossed her mind, "so that means you're still a virgin.."
Finn looked at his feet guiltily, waging an inner war.
"Umm sort of. I like to think of myself as one."
"Okay now I'm just confused. If you didn't sleep with Quinn, then who did you sleep with?"
He couldn't stand the way her tone of voice noticeably shifted, he could almost see the man-whore insinuations she was sending him. He continued to deflect her penetrating gaze while moving his attentions the hem of his shirt.
But comprehension was dawning on her.
"Oh wait.. Santana."
Finn took a deep breath before trying to gather his thoughts coherently so he could explain his actions to her.
"I was so mad about you and Jesse, and I just wanted to get over you, and I thought sleeping with Santana would help me do that. But then after, it was so meaningless, I wanted to pretend it never happened. So I lied to myself and I lied to you. If I could take it back I would, because.. because.."
"Because what?"
He finally got the courage to look into her big imploring eyes, widened with curiosity and tinged with hurt.
YOU ARE READING
take me back to the start
Teen FictionRachel and Finn try to begin new lives as they leave both Lima and each other after graduating high school. But their attempts to move on are futile, and certain relationships just can't be avoided when they're meant to be.
