take me back to the start

Chapter 15: Has To Be This Way

August, 2015. (A month later).

He hadn't wanted to die. He really hadn't. He had just wanted to sleep. Fall into a deep, dark slumber so he could stop feeling, stop hurting, for a little bit.

It was only after he had woken up in the hospital- his stomach freshly pumped, Kurt sitting by his bed- that he had realized it had been a really reallystupid thing to do.

Finn knew he was lucky the media hadn't gotten a hold of the story, and after promising Kurt that it had been an accident and swearing him to secrecy, he had hoped his life would return to its usual pattern of uneventful inertia.

In the interest of reverting back to unfulfilling routines (which, he had decided, was better than dealing with the enormous disappointments of futilely hoping he and Rachel still had a chance), he had gotten back together with Melissa.

He had known that the aftermath of his and Rachel's break-up had been immediately devastating for her, but it wasn't until The Incident (as Kurt had dubbed it, capitalized letters and all), that he had realized that it had been gradually devastating for him too. He had made a mistake of epic proportions, and paid dearly for it.

And now he finally knew they could never be together again. Their brief reacquaintance and flirtation had almost destroyed him. So he'd finally admitted to himself that they'd have to go their separate paths for good.

So he had apologized to Melissa for being such a jerk, and admitted his feelings for Rachel. And she had taken him back after he had told her he wanted to be a better boyfriend and was going to try his hardest to get over Rachel. He had even bought a self-help book about getting over exes and everything.

Melissa had wanted to back out of the movie she was scheduled to do, so she could return to New York with Finn to 'make sure he didn't let that pint sized ho bewitch him again'. But he had eventually convinced her that that wasn't necessary- that he had learned the hard way that Rachel and him were better apart than together, and nothing would happen between them this time around.

The real worst part about his brief hospitalization was now his mom was calling him every five minutes to check up on him.

Finn had just been about to leave his hotel room that morning when his cell had rung again.

He agitatedly answered the phone, "Yes ma?"

"Hi honey I just wanted to see how you were doing."

He sighed frustratedly.

"I am doing as well as I was when you called this morning to wake me up, 30 minutes ago."

"I know, and I'm sorry to be such a bother, but I'm just worried about you because I know that today's the big day."

"Mom, this is my 5th movie, I'm a seasoned actor now, and also an adult who can take care of himself, it's not that big of a deal anymore."

"Yes I understand that honey, but isn't," she paused, "isn't she going to be there?"

Curse Kurt for calling his mom and telling her about everything that had happened.

"Seriously I'm fine! I can handle seeing her again. What happened last month, it was just a really idiotic accident okay? I wasn't thinking straight. It was a wake-up call though, I've pulled myself together ma, I swear.."

He crossed his fingers. Yes it was true that he wasn't popping any more pills or toying with the fragility of his life anymore, but hardly a night passed where he didn't turn to the bottle to soothe the storms that were constantly raging within him.

"Okay Finn I trust you. I want you to start calling me more though, okay? I haven't seen you in so long.. you should come back home to Lima soon, it'd be good for you, and you haven't visited in years.."