headlights | joji

three

My heart pounded in my chest, each breathe becoming more laboured and strenuous. It had now been an hour, I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with the feeling of worry. I had to be overreacting, he probably just forgot something at home, or he had something more important to do. He might've have just forgotten to let me know he had to film a video, yeah, yeah that's undoubtedly it.

I continued to keep my phone gripped tightly in my hand, waiting for any message or call, just to let me know he's safe. He would never leave me waiting like this, he was always consistent and on-time, he would tell me if he were to be late, or if he had to cancel; this isn't right, something is wrong.

"Fuck, Joji, where the hell are you?" I muttered to myself, occasionally glancing out the window, looking for his car. I checked the time again, '8:02pm', he was meant to arrive at seven. One hour and two minutes late.

I scrolled through my messages, hoping to find one I had missed, hopefully of him telling me he was running late or he had to cancel, but no, there was nothing. After placing my phone on the small coffee table, I fell back onto the couch, looking up at the ceiling, dazing into the nothingness of the vast white spread. This was until my phone rapidly starting vibrating against the wood, joined by a loud shrilling noise echoing through the apartment.

Without even looking at the caller ID, I accepted the call and pressed the phone against my ear.

"Hello, Joji?" My voice was noticeably urgent and strained.

"No, no it's B-Brenda...h-he's not-" I was confused, not only because Joji's mother was calling me, but that she was hysterically crying and I could not understand a word she was saying.

"Brenda, slow down, why have you called me? Where's Joji? What's going on?" I threw my words out quickly, hoping to the gain the answers to my questions faster.

"He w-was driving a-" Hiccup. "man in-in another car-" She hiccuped again, only this time she began to scream out her cries.

"Brenda please stop crying! I can't understand you! Where is Joji?!" Fear laced my voice as it cracked. The call suddenly went quiet, multiple sniffles were heard before Brenda spoke again.

"He's on the way to h-hospital, his car crashed, please meet there." My breath hitched in my throat, I felt as though I couldn't breathe, no, no, no.

"fuck, no, please tell me you're joking, please! This isn't happening!" I almost screamed into the phone, as my voice wavered with each syllable, and tears collectively started to become a steady stream down my face.

"Please just get to the hospital, I don't know if he has long left." The call was ended before I could even process as I pulled my jacket from the coat rack, jogged on the door and sprinted down the stairs to the bottom floor. I left the apartment building whilst my tears began to flood, and the harsh wind of the autumn night scratched at my face. I yanked my jacket around my arms as I unlocked, and threw myself into the car.

Messily, I stuck the keys into the ignition lock and started the engine. My hands were shaking furiously as I was processing what was happening; barely managing to reverse without hitting something I drove recklessly down the road. My thoughts were anywhere but the road as I rushed through red lights and swerved through drivers. All I could think about was Joji, his face, his hair, his lips, his eyes, his everything.

I cannot lose him, I cannot lose him.