headlights | joji

ten

DAY EIGTHTEEN

My head was lazily resting in my hand, as my elbow dipped into the bedsheets. I was alone in the hospital room, only the sound of the wind softly hitting the window panes joined by the hum of the heart monitor. After the ordeal of the previous days, Joji was rapidly gaining healthiness. Dr Burnham had even taken him off his ventilator, meaning he was now breathing without help, and no longer needed any assistance.

I confronted Liliana about the leaked photographs of me, and she instantly apologised, several times in fact. I accepted her apology, realising that the fans had to find out sooner or later; and maybe those photographs of myself were just an easier way to approach it. She later visited me in Joji's room, bringing some flowers, a box of chocolates, and a card. She also offered more apologies, but I quickly quietened her down with a hug, and thank you for the gifts.

Forcefully, I managed to get Max and Ian to book a hotel room, and stay there overnight, as I noticed they were both getting back pains from the stiff chairs. They were extremely reluctant at first, but they soon obliged, telling me they'll visit throughout the day, and retrieve some of my belongings from my apartment.

I've managed to tweet more, since I've realised that Joji is getting better at an unseen rate. It seems like things are slowly – but surely, turning back to normal. The fans are surprisingly respecting our privacy, only offering their concern, and hoping that myself and Joji are okay.

Brenda has cut a few hours from her workdays after I expressed my concern for her overworked schedule, she's now resting up at home, and being visited by her closest friends – or at least that what she has told me.

I breathed out leisurely, glancing over at Joji before laying my head onto the bed, and facing the other way; with my phone grasped in my hand. I unlocked the screen and scrolled through my tagged photographs on Instagram, occasionally liking a photo. It's strange – you know, how a quick double tap on my phone screen could make somebody's day, or even give them some sort of joy. It felt good being able to do it, being able to make someone cry tears of joy, or let him have the satisfaction of them knowing that I am aware of their existence, I love it.

I felt a stir below me, and slight movement, but I didn't think anything of it. Joji has been having slight twitches, which were a sign of consciousness; but he has yet to wake up.

I sighed, lightly closing my eyes, falling into a half-asleep daze, until I felt a hand brush my hair off my face.

I bolted up, turning my head before looking into the eyes of Joji, which were wide and open. My heart was heavy, and I was frozen, only gazing from eye to eye; whilst he watched me, not sure about my demeanour. Tears glazed over my pupils, blurring my vision as they spilt over my eyes and unsurely washed over my face.

"Joji." I whispered as I sighed.

He lifted his hand to my cheek, cupping it gently. He delicately pulled my forward, resting his head on top of mine as I lifted myself onto the bed, lying next to him with my face tucked into his neck. I held onto him, my tears dropping into the dip of his collarbone. Soft whimpers could be heard as my body softly hiccupped with pain, the pain of losing time with him, the pain of exhaustion; yet it was also the pain of happiness, and how he was awake, but I couldn't understand how all of this had all happened, so slowly, yet so quickly.

He brushed my hair back, stroking my temple tenderly, something I had so dearly missed.

"I missed you, Joj–, I was so scared – I thought you were gone, they nearly turned the machine off, and I–"

"Shh, baby, it's okay, I've got you." He whispered as he pulled me closer, the warmth of his arm wrapped tightly around my back, providing the comfort I had been deprived of.

"Were you scared?" My voice was quiet, resembling the innocence of a mouse. I watched him ponder for a moment, biting his lip as he stared up at the ceiling.

"It was, like, weird. It kept changing, uh, sometimes I was in complete darkness but I could still hear and feel everything, but then like– sometimes, I could see myself lay there, and I just could see you sat there next to me. I don't know how to–" He stopped before continuing. "That chair in the corner –" We both looked over as he lifted his hand and pointed. "I would just sit in that chair and watch everything happen, I guess it was like an out of body experience. I could always hear and feel though, all the time."

"Did you hear everything I said to you?"

"Mhmm. It was quite beautiful." He turned slightly, facing me as I moved up to rest my head on the pillow, our faces inches away from each other's.

"It's all true, all of it. I really don't know where it came from, it kind of just came out." I smiled sheepishly, feeling a slight blush rise to my cheeks.

"All of it?" He questioned.

"Every word." I replied. He grinned, creases appearing at the sides of his eyes as he rubbed the side of his eyebrow. Happiness coated across his face, his smile unfaltering. His grin was contagious and I soon found myself doing that same. I leaned forward resting our foreheads together, our noses touching.

"Whilst I was in that coma, I had a lot of time to think." He started.

"What did you think about?" Our grins had turned back to small smiles of comfort as we spoke.

"Well I originally just thought about how much I wanted to wake up, but then I heard you talking to me, and you spoke really poetically, it was honestly the loveliest thing I've ever heard." I closed my eyes and bit my lip softly.

"And then I thought–" He was quiet for a minute, before he spoke again. "Why the fuck haven't I married you yet?" My heart stopped, as I opened my eyes and looked into his, trying to see where he was going with this.

"So, Gee, if you'll give me the honour, will you please marry me?" I froze, my heart furiously changing from a stop to a rapid beating, my stomach was filled with butterflies as I bit my lip harder, a smile making its way onto my face.

He watched me intently, as I spoke.

"I couldn't ask for anything better, yeah, hell yeah." I whispered. I wrapped my hand behind his neck as I pulled him in, I kissed him softly, a feeling I've been craving. Our lips lightly moved against each other's, as our eyes fluttered closed and he ran his fingers through my hair.

"Joji?" I spoke faintly against his lips.

"Yeah?" He answered, in a low voice.

"I love you." I pressed my lips onto his before he replied.

"I love you, so much more than you will ever know."