headlights | joji

six

DAY FIVE

I felt cold, not temperature cold, but emotionally cold. No amount of comfort from anyone could make me feel better, the only attention and love I was craving was Joji's; but I couldn't have that. The deep grasp of his hand being the only thing that could make me feel somewhat warm again.

Brenda was visiting again today, she specifically told me that when she arrives I must go home, for at least an hour or two. It's understandable, I had been here for five days now, refusing to leave. I hadn't showered, nor eaten. I wasn't hungry, mentally anyway. My stomach had been rumbling consistently since I arrived here, which felt like years ago, yet it hadn't even been a week. But I couldn't eat, even the thought of food made me feel sick, I just couldn't eat, I couldn't.

Lil - the nurse assigned to Joji, entered the room frequently, checking his vitals and making sure he was comfortable. Though she didn't need too, she knew I was adjusting him into a comfortable position whenever he looked tense. She allowed me to bathe him, as I wasn't particularly comfortable with her doing it, so she would bring me the necessities needed. I was also reminded constantly that I needed to eat, specifically with the phrase, "I don't want you ending up in here from lack of nutrition and dehydration, I'll get you some food from the cafeteria." I always politely declined, but I knew at some point she would bring it anyway, and I'd have to eat it knowing that she was doing it from the kindness of her heart.

The door was pushed open, and a healthy-looking Brenda entered, she scanned the room before looking at me, and shaking her head.

"Georgia, you look terrible." I sarcastically smiled.

"Gee thanks, you look great." The lack of sleep was bitter in my words - but I couldn't be rude to her, so I quickly spoke again, though this time it was much softer.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so tired." She looked at me sorrowfully, walking towards me and sitting in the chair next to me, wrapping her arm around me, she spoke.

"I know, sweetheart; but Joji wouldn't want this, he would be so sad if he knew you were treating yourself like this. You need to go home, shower, get some food in you, just take care of yourself."

"I don't want to leave him, what if something happens, and I wasn't here? I would never be able to forgive myself."

"I'm here, he will be okay, don't worry. If anything happens I'll call you straight away, alright?"

I sighed, I really didn't want to leave him, but she was right, I needed to take care of my health as well.

"Okay, but I won't be gone long, a few hours maximum." She smiled, and pulled me into a quick hug across the chairs. We both let go, before I leant over to kiss Joji's forehead and hand.

"I love you, I'll be back soon."

I gave Brenda a quick smile, and left the room. After closing the door and making my way towards the elevator, I felt all the emptiness inside me quadruple, it was like nobody was phased that my boyfriend was down the hall, lay in a bed motionless.

Why wasn't anybody else hurting because of it? Joji is my world, why isn't he theirs?

My estranged thoughts were interrupted by my phone ringing loudly as I stepped into the elevator, pressing the button to close the doors quickly so I could retrieve it from my pocket. I looked at the screen and saw a goofy photo of Max lighting it up. Alerting me that he was facetiming me.

I swiped my finger across the screen, holding the phone up in front of me. Max appeared on the screen, his smiling face being contagious.

"Hey you."