headlights | joji

seven

DAY TEN

Sun was showering the room, light flooding through the half-turned blinds, casting thick shadowed lines across anyone who stepped in the door. Max and Ian were both sat opposite me, their phones occupying them, the mood in the room was bleak, dull.

They had both been in town for four days now, at first, we were all somewhat excited to see each other after several months apart, but the excitement soon passed after they saw Joji.

It was as though they had both been punched in the stomach, their eyes widened and washed over with tears, their lips were in pressed into thin lines. I hadn't seen them cry before, but they both cried showers that evening.

"I'm sorry this trip isn't very fun for either of you, there isn't much I can do to make it any better." I was still hunched over Joji's bed, his hand still laced with mine, my other hand cupped my face.

"Nah, it's alright, we didn't plan it to have fun anyway." Max's words were soft, yet grey, although he didn't sound upset, he sounded optimistic.

"We're here for you and Joji, don't worry about it being fun, Gee." Ian sounded just as optimistic as Max, I couldn't understand why though.

"How are you both so optimistic?" A lump in my throat was forming, something I've had too many times since Joji arrived in here, surely, I can't have any tears left.

Max opened his mouth first, Ian watching him as he spoke.

"Because I know he's going to wake up." My eyes closed as I sighed.

"How can you think that? He's been out for ten days. He would've woken up by now."

Max looked down into his lap, unsure of how to comfort me.

"You know he can hear us, right?" Ian spoke confidently, startling me with his tone.

"No, no. Dr Burnham said he might be able too, there's no confirming it."

Max piped up, questioning me.

"So, if you're so unsure as to whether he can hear you, then why'd you consistently talk to him, why'd you never let go of his hand?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat, and looked up at the ceiling, unsurprisingly still grasping Joji's hand.

"Because – I'd like to believe that there's still hope, and that he's going to wake up, but –" My voice cracked harshly as I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of Joji's hoodie I was adorning. "but I think that It might be over, I-I-I don't, I can't los–"

I heard quiet footsteps before I was pulled into someone's shoulder as I broke down, and wept.

I sobbed, and cried out small shouts of frustration. Then, after what felt like no more than half an hour, my – now, soft cries lulled me into a nightmare fuelled sleep.

-

I awoke to the feeling of an arm wrapped around my shoulders, his warmth comforting me along with the soft feeling of the duvet below me. My breaths were slow, and shallow but quickly changed as I realised that it was in fact Joji's arm wrapped around me.

I shot up, expecting to see him looking straight back at me, but alas, no.

He was still lay soundly, his arm now hanging limply over the edge of the bed, showing no signs of movement.

My brows furrowed, how could his arm possibly have been arou–

"I set his arm over you, I thought it might hold some love as you were whimpering in you sleep." Ian whispered. The room was dark, now making me assume it was late; Max was no longer sat next to be but opposite me like he was earlier in the day, yet he was passed out, hugging into his knees.

"Oh, yeah, thanks." I yawned and scratched the back off my neck, tiredness still beating me down.

"Go back to sleep, it's twelve thirty, you might as well sleep until the morning." Ian still sounded jetlagged, so I presumed he wanted to sleep also.

"Yeah, I will soon; but can I ask you something though, like, before you go to sleep?" I was almost inaudible, not wanting to wake Max.

"Yeah, sure." Exhaustion was lacing his words, so I took this as a hint to speak quickly.

"Well– like, with this entire situation, do you think I should make a video? Telling the fans what is happening, like I think they deserve to know," I coughed lightly, before continuing. "But then at the same time, Joji and I value our privacy. I don't wanna' disrespect him.

Ian looked deep in thought for a second, but soon spoke.

"I think you should just leave it, as Max said, he is going to wake up – whether that is soon, I don't know. But he will and I think he'd like his privacy whilst he recovers, you know?" Ian's word made sense, Joji preferred to keep his life from Filthy Frank private.

"Yeah, yeah. You're right."

Neither of us said anything for a few minutes, as I was left to process my thoughts and Ian was dozing off.

"Thanks for the advice, Ian." My voice was low, and gentle as I followed Ian and began to drift off; though not before laying half on the bed. My head tucked into Joji's waist as I wrapped his arm over my shoulders, instantly calming me and soothing me into a restful sleep.

-

I awoke again, noticing there was one less person in the room, it was now just Max and I.

He was once again staring at his phone, unaware that I had woken up. I coughed, gaining his attention, he looked up, smiling at me before speaking.

"Morning, how'd you sleep?"

"Alright. It was definitely a lot more comfortable with Joji's arm around me – it was like everything was back to normal for a little while, you know?

"yeah, I understand, it makes sense." That made me feel better, knowing that he understood meant I wasn't becoming a nutcase. The room remained almost silent for several seconds, before I spoke up.

"Where's Ian?" I questioned.

"He's gone to get some food, snacks, shit like that. The hospital food sucks." He laughed a little after he spoke, clearly, he was still optimistic from yesterday.

"oh, I wouldn't know."

"Wait – you haven't eaten? What the fuck? When did you last eat?" He shot out questions rapidly, worry coating his face.

"Yeah, I ate like..." I scratched my ear, trying to think of a reasonable lie. "two days ago?.." My words faded out, and the lie was obvious.

"I know you're lying, Gee. Why haven't you eaten?" His brows were furrowed, and his eyes were laced with concern.

"I'm just not hungry, like, I don't know how to explain it." I shrugged, not caring too much.

"Have you not eaten at all?"

"Well, I've had a few small things that Brenda brought me, but I barely managed to eat them – I'm just not hungry, mentally."

"Stress." His short, sharp answer was odd.

"What?"

"It's stress, you're worried, stressed out, you feel lonely." I opened my mouth to speak but quickly shut it as I realised Max hadn't finished.

"You need to look after yourself. George wouldn't want to see you like this, you know he wouldn't."

I sighed.

"Yeah – yeah, I know."

"When Ian comes back, he'll have food. Promise me you'll have some."

"I don't, I can't-"

"No, no. Pinky promise me, right now." He leaned forward over the bed, grabbed my hand and wrapped his little finger around mine.

"There. Now you have to eat." I laughed softly as he joined in.

"Thanks, Max." Lazily, I smiled at him before we both looked down at our phones, unknown to the chaos that was erupting on social media.

{(A/N) I wrote most of this chapter last night, at around 1am. But after reading it back, I decided it was way too short and so I added an extra page, sorry for any confusion! -gr.}