headlights | joji

five

DAY ONE.

2:18am.

That was the time which was brightly set on the lock screen of my phone, I sighed and lifted my head. All the chaos from the previous hours began to flood my mind and tolled upon me heavily. I let my eyes softly close again as I rested back in the uncomfortable hospital chair, my thoughts being clouded with Joji.

I let go of his hand and tilted my head back. I brushed my fingers through my hair, debating whether to speak to him; though I quickly decided I would, as Dr Burnham did advise that talking to Joji may help his body become concious faster.

I moved to lean against the bed, using one hand to grip his, and the other to brush his face softly.

"Oh, Joji. Why did it have to be you, baby?" I questioned softly, wishing he would suddenly wake up and tell me that everything would be okay, but he didn't, he just continued to lie there motionless.

"So, the doctor told me that you might be able to hear me, I hope you can. They don't know if you're going to wake up, you have too, you can't leave me here alone." The cracking in my voice was evident, the pitch consistently changing. It was followed by the occasional tear which slowly trickled down my face and dropped delicately onto Joji's hand.

"I feel as though, in a way, this is my fault. If I hadn't agreed to having an evening together this wouldn't have happened. It shouldn't be this way round, Joji, I should be the one lay on that stupid bed, with a stupid oxygen mask and stupid wires hanging there limply, not you. You don't deserve this, you should be healthy. Fuck, I'm so sorry, baby, I'm so sorry." My quiet sniffles were now a careful stream of tears. No amount of comfort could lessen this pain, except his warmth.

"I'm very good at expressing my feelings, you know that the most out of everyone, but I'm really going to try to sum up how I feel about you, how much I love you because if you don't pull through - which you have too, I want you to know how much I adore you." I brushed loose strands of hair out of his face and away from his eyes, I know how irritating that can be, especially if he can still feel in his state.

"Right, okay, here I go." I took in a deep breath before spilling my heart.

"I remember when I first met you at Vidcon three years ago, I was so taken aback in awe. It was like my soul knew I was meant to be with you, it knew you were special, it was like the universe took its time with you." I laugh softly, and wiped stray tears onto my sleeve.

"I hope you know that you're incredible, I really do. You were so lovely to me on the first day I met you at Vidcon, cracking jokes and straight away accepting me into your group of friends. I felt so welcome, which you didn't know until a year later that I didn't have that often. You gave me those childish butterflies in my stomach and made my cheeks blush. Oh man, I'd love to replay that day all over again."

"As our time together progressed, I noticed how you would always put my happiness above your own, I think that speaks so loudly. It's pure love, it's so beautiful, yet so painful. You only care for that one person you want to make feel loved and cherished. It's how I feel about you, I want you to feel wonderful and treasured, because that is what you are."

"I remember the feeling of euphoria I felt when I first realised I had fallen in love with you. There aren't enough words to describe it. Our love is so intense, divine, beautiful, I could just go on and on. When you laugh, it's like a storm inside me calms, you're just extraordinary."

"I'm not leaving your side, I will sit in this room until you wake up, you have to wake up, you have to wake up." I sat up, weaving Joji's fingers with mine. I grabbed my phone and checked through multiple messages, many were from Max and Ian on our group chat, meaning Brenda must've sent them a message letting them know what has occurred in the past hours.

I replied to them telling them that we will need to do a skype call in the morning as I'd prefer to tell them what was happening verbally, not over text. They both replied instantly, saying that they would be ready whenever I was and to let them know.

After checking social media, I was glad to find out that nobody outside of the family, or friends knew of anything. I knew sooner or later that I would have to tweet something, but I'd rather just avoid the shitstorm right now. A pop up flashed on my screen, notifying me that I had a low battery, so I turned my phone off and lay my head back onto Joji's hand, and cuddling into his arm; hoping to gain some peaceful, undisturbed sleep.

4:36AM

I felt a gentle nudge on my shoulder as what I assumed to be a blanket was draped over me, I moved a hand to grip its corner and pull it tighter; trying to sustain any warmth I could.

Footsteps were heard almost soundlessly around the room, so I lifted my head slightly to see a nurse injecting Joji's other arm with some sort of antibiotic.

"Is he stable?" I squeaked out, my voice sounding croaky due to being so suddenly awoken.

"Yes, don't worry darling. He's okay for the moment." The final words tore into me, but I pushed them aside, he will be okay.

"I also brought you a blanket, I could see you shivering from outside the door." Her tone was caring, it was very motherly, although she didn't look much older than myself.

"Thank you, I appreciate it." I smiled at her, which she returned graciously.

"You're Georgia, right?" She questioned.

"Yeah, Georgia Byers, but you can call me Gee, most people do. You are...?"

"I'm Liliana, but call me Lil, I prefer it." She finished up with the injection, and placed the bottle and needle into a clear bag before moving it into her pocket. I went to check my phone but remembered it was turned off as it was low on charge.

"Lil, could I ask a huge favour?" She stopped and faced me, a questioning look on her face, but she nodded her head.

"Yes, of course."

"I hope I don't come across as rude, but do you have a spare phone charger with you? I won't need it for long, I just need to make sure my phone is charged for the morning, I have to speak with some close friends." I was praying that she would let me borrow it, but I could barely think about it before she replied.

"Luckily, I have one in my pocket as I charged my phone a few hours ago; but please, keep it. I have another at home."

"Are you sure? I can give it you back, I don't mind." She shook her head, and passed me the wire and socket, which I quickly plugged into my phone. "Thank you so much."

"It's a pleasure, now get some sleep, Gee. You need it." With that said she walked out of the room, and left Joji and I in the dimly lit room. I rested my head onto Joji's hand before falling slowly, but surely into slumber.