Becky's Doll

Elizabeth

From Elizabeth's Diary,
11 November, 2010

Dear diary,

The day was as normal and gloomy as it is always for me. Like a mandatory ritual, Jesse's gang didn't fail to taunt and tease me in the morning. They squirted ketchup all over my clothes but since I was used to this kind of torturing, I had come prepared with cleaning supplements. To their utter shock, I had come out shinier than before. I had no urge to fight them back as I knew I was overpowered and I did not shy away and bare my weakness as I knew it would incite them to hurt me even more. As always, I ignored them. My passive behaviour irked them tremendously but kept them at bay. In fact my mind was preoccupied by thoughts of the upcoming horse race. There were going to be tough competitors and I couldn't help feel anxious though I was extremely certain that Wonder, my wonderful horse was going to come first.

I prefer spending time with Wonder than coming to this hellhole they called 'school'. No, it's not like you think. I don't hate school because I get bullied because I am a transgender. It's just that I liked to procrastinate a lot. I loved laying around on top of Wonder, drowning myself in Kpop and stuff innumerable amounts of Jolly Ranchers into my system. Yes, that was pretty much life to me. Then why do I go to school? It's because my old man's insistent that an excellent education is certainly significant as it spawns creativity, sophistication and refinement in one's thoughts. And I go to school so that I could understand those big words he had said.

The only subjects that I tolerate are Biology and English. I always come off as a topper in class when it comes to Biology. And English is great because I thought that the new teacher was rather pretty and kind. I appreciated beauty. Beauty was never constant for me. It kept on changing. Right now, I was sporting blue hair, uneven bangs, neon hoodies and a lip ring. I looked like I had stepped out of a freaking anime. There's this something about my English teacher that drew me to her like a moth to a flame. I like to think that it's her mesmerising eyes.

Those beautiful violet eyes.

Even if she is incessantly trying to stuff John Keats and P.B Shelly into my brain, I can't seem to take my eyes off her most unique eye colour. In fact no one complained when it was her period. I remember Morgan, a curious cat who always occupied one of the seats in the front rows, asking her if it's her original eye colour. She just smiled sheepishly and ran her slender fingers through her variegated strands of browns, blacks and russets.

My admiration towards her had initiated when she saw me chewing on my lip ring. She rolled her tongue out at me. And behold! There sat a shiny metallic dot on the middle of her tongue. My jaw literally dropped to the floor. This lady who looked like a model from the Victorian era had a piercing on her tongue! In fact, until then I had thought teachers who were dwellers of this hellhole were incapable of even looking neutrally at a piercing on a student's body would dare to have a piercing of their own. It impressed me more than the graffiti art behind the school walls did.

Lunch breaks are extremely short. In the forty five minutes of the lapse period we had, I spend a good fifteen to twenty minutes in front of the mirror, trying to apply mascara on my eyelashes with perfection. With the patience I had obtained from tending to horses for several years, I would apply them until my eyelashes acquired the perfect curl to their ends, until the blackness was evenly spread and had the right volume. I always received personal satisfaction to know that my eyes are strikingly beautiful.

Then I would climb the long flight of stairs and lounge on the sloping roofs of the school building with a sandwich on one hand. No, I never stepped into the school cafeteria. Going in there was like a mouse entering a lion's den. There were just too many predators. I am not kidding when I say I have only gone there once in junior high. I am way too lazy to write down what had happened to me there. I will get to that later.