A new life (a blackveilbrides fanfic)

fredom and pain

 I woke up at midnight, I  could see by checking CCs phone, which I found in the leather pocket to his trousers, it was almost impossible to get it out, I checked the time and placed it back, careful not to wake him, I felt a little better but my body still told me not to move, I lay facing the ceiling thinking about what I was doing, I realised that CC would have had to stay with me the entire day, I hated myself even more for that, how could I was so selfish, tomorrow I would ask for him to leave me alone, I couldn’t stand for him to waste anymore of his time, I moved his arm off me and carefully sat up, okay it hurt but it was manageable, I stood, balancing myself between the shower and the sink, I tip toed as best I could across the room, which only took 3 steps, and then I slid the door open and shut it behind me, I walked through the bunk area and into the lounge, I had a sip of water and sat down, I was defiantly not feeling better, but if I pretended to be CC or any of the others wouldn’t have to take care of me, I looked out of the window, I realised how long it had been since I had gone outside, I took a step towards the door, then I ran to the door and opened it, throwing up a soon as I was outside, I felt weak, I couldn’t move, I slid down the side of the bus and sat there, listening to the sounds of the surroundings, it was pitch black and to anyone else would have been scared, but I had spent to many nights sleeping outside that it wasn’t a big deal, I loved the air and the wind cooling my face, it felt amazing, I breathed in and out, over and over, so tired, the night was warm but still the wind blew making the air cold and me shiver, I tried to stand up but my legs wouldn’t let me, I tried to think about what was happening to me, I had spent 2 days resting after eating sushi, the only thing that could describe this was food poisoning, but this was extreme, I wished we were near a hospital, I wished I knew where I was, I felt like crying but I sucked it in, I picked up a rock, it felt like an arrow head, strange, I began tracing tiny circles on my wrist, I dazed of thinking about how terrible this had all been, it wasn’t for ages that I realized how hard I was pressing the rock, I had a deep cut on my wrist and it already was bleeding, I could feel it on my wrist, the blood wasn’t to bad, I curled up in a ball and shut my eyes praying for light to come, boy was CC going to kill me.

I woke to find myself outside the bus, how the fuck did I get here it was freezing, shit, I remembered last night, I tried to pull my had away from my neck but it wouldn’t, stuck there with dried blood, I froze, someone was moving on the bus, “fuck” I heard someone whisper when they realised the door to the bus was open “that’s why its so fricken cold” I heard the door being shut, shit, I didn’t have a key, I knocked lightly on the door, to be honest, it was all I could manage, sleeping outside had seemed like a good idea it had only made things worse, the foot steps came back, the door opened, I didn’t even look up, I didn’t care, maybe I shouldn’t have knocked, I heard the man run back onto the bus and then more footsteps came running, I felt hands grab me and I was taken inside, I didn’t open my eyes, I was fairly sure that CC was one of the guys, I couldn’t bear to look at any of their faces but especially not his, I breathed evenly, I heard the guys talking, most of them said that they were going to go to a diner, I must have not have seen it last night, I heard the guys leave, I shivered,

“wake up” a voice growled at me, it shocked me, I opened my eyes, but shut them almost immediately, CC was standing in the corner his hands in fists and his face twisted with rage, this was it, I thought, better start moving or else its going to get ugly, I push myself up into a sitting position, coughing the entire time, wiping my nose but getting blood all over it instead. I realised why the guys had left in such a hurry, they didn’t want to be there for the argument, or really just him yelling at me, I could barely move.

CC walked over to me, l scrunched up my face, preparing it for a slap, it didn’t come, I looked up, CC was glaring at me his face red with anger, “what the fucking hell is wrong with you” he yelled “you are such and idiot, what the freaking hell were you doing sleeping outside, honestly if you didn’t want me there you could have said so, and what is all this with the blood, don’t tell me you didn’t mean to, you clearly did, and you look a right state what are you insane? I cant freaken believe you right now, you’ know what, fuck this.” He said as he walked to the back of the bus, I heard the door slam and I felt my heart sink, I felt the tears sting my eyes, I got up, and walked slowly to the bathroom, I went inside and shut the door, I drank some water from the sink and washed the blood from my skin, I bandaged my arm and sat on the toilet, I was exhausted, I breathed over the sink throwing up some more, then gagging, I couldn’t move,  I screamed, I couldn’t help it, I yelled his name begging him to come and get me, when he didn’t I just collapsed onto the floor sobbing, life sucked, curled up in the pillows and cried, I called out his name a few more times, “CC please” I begged, I knew that he’d hear me, I heard him walk in just as I passed out.