Our Own Infinity // The Fault in Our Stars story epilogue

∞ 8.7 ∞

"You gave me a forever within a numbered days, and I am grateful."

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I read the book and finished it the same night. It is just a small book. A brown background with roses and the title.

The dedication is for me and Gus:

For Hazel and Augustus. Wherever they are, I hope they are satisfied.

Satisfaction. A word that keeps repeating in my mind.

It turns out Anna was still alive, her Dutch step-father wasn't a con man, and her mom lived happily. In the end, after they tried their best to cure her illness, it didn't work. But Anna lived a wonderful life helping others who was in the same state as she is. She also made her step father promise to continue studying about the cancer cure, for future generations. She died saying the last line in the book,

"Death is easy, if you were satisfied in your life."

How about me? Am I already satisfied?

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I transfer my tube from Philip to the portable tank. "Thanks, Philip." I rub the tank. "Thank you and I think your job is done now."

I try my best to go to the living room where I know mom and dad are. 

"Sweetie, what are you doing here? You need anything?" Mom asks me. He and dad are watching TV.

I smile at them. "We will watch America's Next Top Model." It is my bonding moment with them, watching ANTM.

Dad moves and pats the space between them. I move and settle myself, sandwiched by the people I am always thankful for.

We watch the usual way. Me commenting about the models, mom choosing her bet finalists, and dad contradicting her. I wish I could spend more nights like this, I pray for more nights, itself.

"I love you." I say to them.

Mom looks confused.

"I just said I love you." I laugh and lean down to her tummy. "I love you too little girl, or guy."

Dad hugs me. "We love you too, Hazel Grace. We love you and we will always love you." Mom joins us in our group hug.

At this moment, I think I can answer my question earlier. I can be satisfied. I am satisfied. Isaac with the hope of seeing again, plus a chance of infinity with Shai and to be a future writer; Mom and Dad having a new baby, and assurance they won't get divorced; Peter and Lidewij realized they are for each other; I read the much awaited sequel I always dream my entire life; Gus not suffering; and me, I am satisfied with everything I am and have. I am satisfied for the sixteen years of my existence, though I can't assure I did make a huge, deep mark in this world, it doesn't matter because I am satisfied.

I close my eyes. This time, God granted one of my prayers. God granted I wouldn't suffer in my death. I want it fast, and peaceful.

My life, yes, it is short. A little infinity. A forever within the numbered days.

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