Our Own Infinity // The Fault in Our Stars story epilogue

∞ 8.4 ∞

"That's the thing about pain: It demands to be felt"

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Isaac is calling me. He has this special phone for blind people. I am just on my bed even in afternoons because I don't feel like going up after the day at the cemetery and mall-ing with mom and dad yesterday. It sends me dizziness.

"Hey, Isaac."

He is crying. "Hazel. I will never see. I will never see again!"

"Don't say that. Why? I thought you will have Gus' eyes?"

He sobs. "No, this morning we went to my doctor. They did tests and they told us that the eye didn't fit me."

"Someday you will find the right eye for you. Don't stop believing that someday you'll see the beauty of the world again."

"Thanks, Hazel, but sometimes hope isn't good especially if you know there is nothing really to hope for."

"There will always be something to hope for. As long as I am living, I will hope for you, with you." I say.

He sighs. "Another false hope, another fake chance."

"Life is full of risks. It's always better to take it and be hurt than not to take it at all."

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Mom is baking. I don't know what comes in her mind to, she haven't made homemade cakes since what seems like forever. I ask her and dad about my check-ups but they always change the topic. Am I dying? The last time we visited the doctor, they told us there is something wrong with Phalanaxifor, the thing I take that cloths cancer cells and prevent them to grow. At least that is what I know about it. But their words are so unclear that for my ears, they are like talking in a different language.

"Here, a chocolate cake. Have a taste."  Mom hands me a chocolate cake and I take it.

"I miss this. Hmm." I say as I take a precious bite. "Where's dad? He should taste this."

"He went to run errands." She says and goes back to mixing another round of cake. I don't know if I was just imagining it or what but I saw a tear in her eye. She wipes it even before I saw it. She looks at me again and smiles. Maybe I was just hallucinating. Her phone rings.

"Want me to answer it?" I suggest.

"No, I can." She snatches the phone on the top of the island counter before I even see the caller ID. "Hello?" She answers. She looks at me and walks out of my earshot.

It took me all my guts and guilt to go check on her. To eavesdrop. I go down the highchair and follow her to the bathroom. The call is off now and she is crying.

"Mom? Are you fine?"

She is surprised that I am here. She wipes her eyes and forces a laugh. "Oh, yes, dear. My eye was just hurt."

"Who called?" I know she is lying. Maybe it is a doctor telling her I am really dying.

"It's just your dad. He told me he is on his way home." She smiles. "Everything is fine. Come on, I still have something in the oven." I follow her back to the kitchen.

Everything is not fine.

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I am reading the new book we bought when mom and dad knock on my door. "Hazel?"

"Yep?"

"Your mom and I will go buy something on the grocery store... We will just leave you, okay?" Dad explains.