WANDERLANDIA'S ONE SHOT STORY

A love to last forever

I often sit and think about,
The years that have passed by
And of the happiness and joy
That was shared by you and I.
I think of all the laughter
The smiles and all of the fun,
And before I even know it,
My tears have once again begun.
For, although it brings me comfort
To walk down memory lane,
It reminds me how, without you,
Life has never been the same.
You are missed so very much.
Malungkot kong pinagmasdan at sinundan ang bawat letrang nakaukit sa marmol gamit ang aking daliri. Pakiramdam ko’y para ko na rin siyang nadarama sa paraang iyon.
Narito kami ngayon sa museleo ng pamilya.
“Goodmorning love… kasama ko ang mga bata…”
"Hello Tatay... nandito na ulit kami. Miss ka na po namin.” Sabi ni Kris, katabi niya ang kakambal niyang si Ilene at April.
“Hi Tatay…” magkapanabay na bati ng dalawa.
Tahimik kong pinagmasdan ang mga anak ko. They’re already six years old and the spitting image of their father. Sun-kissed skin, bright eyes and always had that serious face with them.
“Nay, hindi pa po ba nalulungkot si Tay dito kahit araw-araw natin siyang dinadalaw?” kunot-noong tanong ni Ilene.
I smiled and pat her head. “Nandito naman lagi ang magaganda niyang mga anak, bakit pa kailangan malungkot ni Tatay?” pilit kong pinasigla ang boses ko.
“Pero kasi naman, bakit hindi na lang sa bahay natulog si Tay, para din a tayo pupunta dito. Ang layo-layo…” Tila may pagtatampong ungot ni Kris.
I heaved a sigh. Iyon kasi palagi ang sinasabi ko sakanila, na natutulog ang tatay nila. Kung bakit ay kapag tumanda na sila’y saka nila maiintindihan.
“Tatay’s already dead, like Lolo tatays’, hindi na siya babalik ate. Iniwan na niya tayo.”
I was taken aback when I heard April say those words.
“April!” sawata ko sakanya. Mukhang hindi naman niya inaasahan ang bahagyang pagtaas ng boses ko.
“Totoo naman po kasi Nay. Lola told me, kahit anong gawin natin, he’ll never come back.”
“Anak, lola might be right, pero hindi naman dahil wala na ang tatay ibig sabihin hindi na natin siya nakakasama.” Paliwanag ko.
“May ganon ba Nay? Wala siya dito pero kasama parin natin?” naguguluhan niyang tanong.
“Si Nanay nagjo-joke, waley naman…”
“You’re still too young to understand mga anak. Tatay might not be with us physically but he never left us; he will always be in our heart...”
That was the same line he told me that night, he’ll always be in my heart and after that… everything has never been the same again.
Magkababata kaming dalawa ni Xavier, lumaki kami na malapit sa isa't-isa dahil na rin sa mag bestfriend ang mga Nanay namin.
He's the brother I never had, noong una'y iyon lang ang tingin ko sakanya. Kuya na pwedi kong sandalan at lapitan sa oras ng pangangailangan.
Palagi kaming tinutukso sa isa't-isa, duon pa lang sa simpleng biruan ay alam ko ng may kakaiba na akong nararamdaman. Hindi na iyon normal na katulad ng dati.
Hindi naman niya itinanggi ang mga panunukso o kaya naman ay pinatulan. Ngingiti lang siya na para bang nageenjoy pa sa ginagawa nilang iyon sa amin.
All the while everyone think that what we have is purely a platonic relationship, pero para sa akin, lumampas na iyon sa inaasahan. May espesyal na akong nararamdaman sa kanya at inalagaan ko iyon sa loob ng maraming taon.
I pretended like he never matters that much, but deep inside, it's the other way around.
Akala ko kaya ko pang magpanggap na wala lang, pero dumating ang araw na alam ko naman na posibleng mangyari.
He courted this girl in his batch and that shattered my young heart, figuratively.
Palagi silang magkasama, sa una'y naiintindihan ko pa dahil normal iyon, sino ba naman ako para hadlangan silang dalawa. Pero kalaunan ay naramdaman ko na lang na hindi na talaga kami tulad ng dati. Nawalan na siya ng panahon sa akin na dati naman ay hindi. Ako ang lagi niyang kasama, pero ngayon ay iba na.
Masakit, nakakapag-tampo. Akala ko okay lang sa akin, akala ko lang pala iyon.
I never told him I wasn't okay with the thought of he's always with her to the point of neglecting me in the process. He never heard any complaints; I kept it all to myself.
The pain, the tears, the feeling of being left behind...
It hurts, but what hurts the most is the thought of forgetting a friend when you saw someone's already making you happy.
Dumistansya ako, hindi lang dahil sa masakit kundi gusto ko din naman na makita niya ang halaga ko sa buhay niya.
Nasa iisang akademya lang kami pero hindi kami nagkikita. I make sure our paths wont cross. Dumadaan ako sa hallway na alam kong hindi niya tinatambayan kaya naman naging matagumpay ang pag-iwas ko.
One day while taking my very unusual that eventually became usual routine, nakita ko siyang naghihintay sa pinakadulo ng hallway. Hindi na ako makakaiwas pa dahil wala narin namang saysay. Nakita na niya ako kaya huli na para magtago pa. He approached me at hindi na ako naka-hindi ng hingin niyang kami'y makapag-usap ng sarilinan.
Para akong dagang na-corner ng leon.
"Micha..." He said breaking the dead cold air between us nang magpunta kami sa likod ng building para mag-usap.
"Well, hello to you too." I told him with a slight sarcasm lacing my voice.
Pagkatapos kong maging invisible sakanya at hindi makatanggap ni-ha ni-ho'y ganoon na lang niya akong i-approach?
Panay ang buntong-hininga niya na para bang kinakabahan. Ramdam ko ang init na inilalabas ng kanyang katawan dahil malapit lang naman kami sa isa’t-isa.
"I've had put myself to a test."
"Huh? W-what test?" I asked dumbfounded, ignoring the tension that's slowly creeping me out.
His gaze was intense, like he's reading my very soul through my eyes.
I swallowed an imaginary lump when he lifted his hand to reach the loose strand of my hair and tucked it behind my ear.
A sweet gesture that made my heart flips.
Hindi ako maka-apuhap ng angkop na salita para ipaliwanag kung paanong nagkaroon ng biglaang party ang mga paru-paro sa tiyan ko.
Napaawang ang mga labi ko, unable to move when he started to say those words I’ve been dying to hear.
"You were never supposed to mean this much to me. I was never supposed to fall so hard. But you know what? I did, and that's the truth. I know I might lose the friendship that we have right now, but I know it will hurt like hell not to tell you this." He took my right hand and held it enough to bring me in cloud nine. "You're too young for this, but to hell with age, I like you Micha, no, scratch that, I’ve fallen in love with you the day Ninang brought you in our house, I was like three that time and you were still in your stroller, I told myself... this is the girl I’d like to marry when God permits me to. I ignored my intuition, not knowing it was my very soul telling me to man-up before it’s too late, and I can actually trust it." He confessed and that made my heart leap in pure bliss.
A long silence enveloped us. I can no longer think straight.
Xavier assumed my silence means we don't feel the same way, kaya naman binasag na niya ang katahimikan.
"I love you. I don't ask you to reciprocate the feeling, Micha. All I ask you is to respect what I feel." Ramdam ko ang kaba sa tono ng pananalita niya. "I know after this you might ignore me and—"
"The feeling is mutual Savy." Putol ko sa anumang sasabihin niya. I don’t wanna prolong his agony.
Ilang segundo siyang hindi nakakibo. Nang makahuma siya’y, "R-really..." hindi makapaniwalang sambit niya.
Tumango ako.
“Wow… just wow. Thank you Lord!”
And that's the start of everything for us.
He courted me and made me feel loved with each passing years that we're together.
After his graduation in high school, he decided to join the military service like our fathers' sa kabila ng pagtutol ko.
He had a very promising career in his chosen path; he graduated in the top 10 of his class at the Philippine Military Academy.
He topped his Army special training courses — the Infantry Basic Officer’s Course, Counter-terrorist Course, and Special Forces Operations Course. He was also assigned in Northern Mindanao on his early years as a Second Lieutenant.
Kahit nasaan siya'y hindi niya pinadama sa akin ang milya-milya naming distansya.
Matuling lumipas ang panahon, months after our wedding, while we were watching the news about the Zamboanga siege, Savy received an urgent call from his superior. I know what that means and it scares me. He explained to me na kasama siya sa ipapa-deploy sa Zamboanga, the Muslim rebels were creating havoc in that area and they're in need of additional troops.
"Huwag ka na kaya munang umalis?" pigil ko sakanya habang nag-aayos ng kanyang dadalhing battle dress uniform.
Naiiling niyang binitawan ang tinutupi at hinarap ako. Kinulong niya ako sa mga bisig niya at hinalikan sa ulo.
"We've talked about it, right?" masuyo niyang bulong.
Naiintindihan ko naman na tawag iyon ng tungkulin, pero hindi ko lang talaga mapigilan ang sarili ko.
"Pero kasi..." dahilan ko pa. Kipkip ko ang maliit na parihabang bagay sa aking kamay. Gustong-gusto ko na iyong ipakita sa kanya ngunit pinigilan ko ang aking sarili. Sa pag-uwi niya'y ito ang magiging sorpresa ko sakanya.
"Everything will be fine, Irog ko. Remember what I always say..."
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart." Sabay naming turan.
"Aalis man ako ngayon, pero asahan mong pagkatapos ng lahat ay sa'yo't sa'yo parin ang daang tatahakin ko pabalik..."
"Basta ba siguraduhin mong hindi ka maliligaw." Idinaan ko na lang sa biro ang aking panghihinayang na aalis siya.
Pumailanlang ang buong-buong tawa niya sa apat na sulok ng aming silid.
Mas lalo siyang naging kaakit-akit sa aking paningin.
Ah, my husband... kaysarap banggitin ng salitang iyon.
"Hindi kailanman mangyayari na malilihis ako ng daang tatahakin, Irog ko. Gabay ko ang nag uumapaw na pagmamahal sa'yo para ika'y aking matunton. Kahit saang sulok ka pa ng mundo naroroon, ang pananalig ko sa pagmamahalan natin ang magiging tanglaw ko..."
At exactly ten in the evening, sinundo na siya ng mga kasamahan niya. He kissed my lips longer than I expected and bid his goodbye before he left our house.
Inihatid ko siya ng tanaw. Sa pag-alis niya'y kasama niyang haharap sa panganib ang puso at ang pananalig kong ligtas siyang makakauwi sa akin.
Nang gabing iyon ay hinintay ko ang kanyang tawag. Umabot na nang hating-gabi'y wala parin kahit ni isang mensahe, hanggang sa makatulugan ko ang pag-aalala.
Umaga na nang makatanggap ako ng tawag, humingi siya ng paumanhin at sinabing nagkaroon ng briefing pagkadating nila roon kaya naman hindi siya nakatawag kaagad.
Yung bigat na nararamdaman ko'y bahagyang naalis, pero hindi sapat na marinig ko ang kanyang boses para ako'y mapanatag.
Dumaan ang dalawang araw na walang patid ang aming komunikasyon. Habang kumakain sila'y bigla na lang mayroong mga putok ng baril ang pumailanlang sa kabilang linya. The line ended and that brought another ounce of fear in my heart.
After nearly three hours, I received a text saying two of his comrades were dead on the spot and three of them were in critical condition.
Sa kaisipang baka sa susunod na tama ng bala ng baril ay sa asawa ko na tumama, hindi ako nakatulog ng maayos sa pag-aalala.
The next day he called me, sinabi niyang unti-unti nang nababawi ng militar ang mga barangay na nasakop ng mga rebelde.
I sighed in relief, which only means he'll be home after that.
"We're on our way to the next barangay, Irog ko, I have to hang up now..."
Kahit ayaw ko pang putulin ang aming pag-uusap ay kailangan na.
"I have a surprise once you got home." I'm excited to see your reaction once you find out that you're going to be a father soon.
"Alright, love. After this, you’ll have me again. Iniibig kita Irog ko..."
"I love you more Savy, please, be safe for me..." and our baby.
"I'll be safe so I can keep you well and unharmed, Mrs. Lopez..."
Dala na rin ng ilang araw na wala akong matinong tulog, iginupo ako ng antok at nahulog sa walang hanggang kadiliman.
That moment in time, I am having this weird dream.
I've been asked by someone, if I were to be given a day to spend, who do I want to spend it with.
I chose to be with Savy, like always. Kahit sa panaginip ko'y si Savy parin ang gusto kong makasama. We spend the day talking, walang katapusan, walang kapaguran.
We've talked about the things we did together, and the things we will do in the future. When the night came, he stood up from the ground where we sat.
"Where are you going, Savy?" I asked and immediately stood beside him.
He smiled at me. It ever reached his eyes.
"I'm sorry… I hate to leave you but I was left with no choice..."
"Huh?" my forehead knotted in confusion. "I'm still here, why are you leaving me?"
"Irog ko, remember, I'll forever be here." He pointed my left chest, "In your heart. I’ll die loving you Micha Lopez…"
Before I can even open my mouth to speak, he began walking away from me. I tried to reach him, but I can't keep up from his fast pacing.
"Savy!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. My vision became blurry all of a sudden because of the tears threatening to fall.
I wanted him to stop and look at me, but when he did, I can no longer see him because of the blinding light.
"Darating ang pagkakataon na hindi na tayo magkakawalay pa. This is where I'll wait for you my love..."
Napakabigat ng pakiramdam ko pagkagising. Para bang may bahagi ng pagkatao ko ang pinilas mula sa akin.
Nang sumapit ang gabi na wala akong natatanggap na anumang tawag kay Savy, dumating ang mga panauhing kailanman ay hindi ko inaasahang dadalaw sa aming tahanan.
It’s like a Déjà vu! Lamang ay ang Mama ko ang kailangang makiharap sa mga panauhin noon.
There were four of them, in their military uniform, holding something and right there and then, I recognized my husband's personal belongings.
The acting public affairs officer approached me and gave me the saddest news I'll ever hear. "I have been asked to inform you that your husband, Army Officer First Lieutenant Xavier Alexander Lopez has been reported dead in Sta. Catalina, Zamboanga City, Philippines at 1750. On the behalf of the Secretary of Defense, I extend to you and your family my deepest sympathy in your great loss."
Ramdam ko nang mga sandaling iyon ang unti-unting pagguho ng aking mundo, kasabay ng mga pangarap na sabay naming binuo, ang kinabukasan na pareho naming inasam at ang pamilyang kaytagal naming pinangarap.
I picked up all the broken pieces of my shattered soul and asked... "H-how did he..." died. Kaysakit bigkasin ng salitang iyon dahil alam ko sa sarili ko na katumbas niyon ay ang katotohanang hindi na siya muli pang makakabalik ng buong-buo at nakangiti.
"He was killed by sniper fire last Thursday during clearing operations in barangay Santa Catalina. He helped free 203 civilians from their captors who had used them as human shields. He gave his life so others may live."
Gave his life. Gusto kong matawa. Pero imbes na halakhak ay luha ang inilabas ko. I felt that very moment that someone robbed a very rare opportunity for my husband to meet his unborn child.
Our baby... that he will never see.
I've never been this empty and devastated in my entire life. It was like someone took away the daylight out of me.
"Madaya ka S-Savy... sabi mo walang bibitaw, pero bakit mo ko iniwan sa ere…"
Tomorrow will be my birthday, and this is the gift that I'll receive and it’s breaking my heart.
If this is but a dream, then somebody wake me up!
They say there is a reason,
They say that time will heal.
But neither time nor reason,
Will change the way I feel,
For no one knows the heartache,
That lies behind my smile.
No one knows how many times,
I have broken down and cry,
I want to tell you something,
So there won't be any doubt,
You're so wonderful to think of,
But so hard to be without.
Pinunasan ko ang masaganang luhang naglandas sa aking magkabilang pisngi bago pa man ito makita ng mga bata.
Tuwing maaalala ko ang kahapon ay kakaibang sakit ang lumulukob sa aking sistema. Hindi matatawarang pighati ang idinulot sa amin ng walang katapusang giyerang ito, na maipapasa pa sa mga susunod na henerasyon.
Palagi kong tinatanong kung bakit si Savy pa?
I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with him, but then I realized... he spent the rest of his life with me.
I smile because I know Savy loved me till the day he went away, and will keep on loving me... till the day we're together again.
"I love you Xavier Lopez, the father of my wonderful children, the man who made me the woman that I am right now, and the one I'll love till eternity. I can't wait to feel like I am home once more... to finally be in your arms again."
*Wakas*