Accidentally On Purpose

d i c i o t t o

➴ Emilia ➶

'So, you said you like your life in America?' he questioned, and I nodded in answer. 'What about your life here? In Italy?'

My life in Italy had been quite average. I was privileged enough to attend good schools, food was on the table, and my parents were still together; until my mother passed away on a plane crash. She was on her way to model for a fashion show in New York, when I was 12. It was a devastating loss for my family, of course. After that, we began struggling financially for a period of time. I had to work part time at a Gelateria, and Konstantin worked part time at a souvenir shop. After a while, we were luckily back on our feet. I suppose the need for me to grow up so quickly at such a young age made me miss out on childhood experiences. I never got to find myself, my place in the world. Maybe that's why I'm so intrigued by travel. In hopes that if I travel and discover things about the world, I'll discover things about myself and what I love doing. Take Angelina for example, she knows what she wants to do with her life. Become a professional pianist. Me on the other hand... The only thing I'm certain of, is that I want to get out there and explore the world. Instead, I succumbed to practicalities at the ripe age of 16, moving to America in search of better schooling prospects so that I would be able to get a well-paying job in the future. So that I could give myself a chance to enjoy my more older years, instead of worrying about finances. So that I could make up for the lost time of my childhood. The time that life had stolen away from me. But, Sebastian had me thinking; maybe I don't need a fancy degree to be happy. The logistics would be difficult to figure out, but... suddenly, what I've wanted all along became as clear as the daylight streaming through the glass windows next to me.

'Angel?' Sebastian had his head cocked to the side, with a curious expression on his face.

I cleared my throat. 'Sorry, I spaced out. I was thinking.'

He shook his head. 'No problem.'

And then I told him about my childhood.

'I'm sorry about your mom,' he said, somberness softening his features. 'Mine passed away, too. Suicide.'

My eyebrows shot up. 'I'm so sorry.'

He waved me off. 'It's okay. I was still quite young when it happened.'

He raked a hand through his jet black hair, avoiding eye contact with me. I gave his hand a squeeze. He replied by meeting my eyes, and I identified a dour emotion within them. But, before I could do anything he changed the subject. I got the feeling that he didn't like people seeing his vulnerability. He covered it up with charm and swagger. I could recognize a part of me in him.

***

We arrived back in Portofino at 11PM. Luckily, the elevator was finally fixed so that saved me some embarrassment. Sebastian didn't need to see me panting all the way up the stairs.

'Well, this is me.' I announced, once we were stood outside of the apartment. 'Thank you for today. And for remembering my clothing from the other night.' I added, holding up the plastic bag he put my clothes in.

He smiled, eyes shining. 'My pleasure, angel.'

I held his intense gaze, not wanting to look away from the whiskey depths of his eyes. I became acutely aware of the heat that he radiated, and my eyes followed the movement of his Adam's apple bobbing. It didn't take long before I was captivated by his gaze again. It seemed to supercharge the air. And then, before I could do anything, he leaned down to press his lips to mine, eyes fluttering closed. His lips were soft and deft. They were a welcome distraction from my hazardous thoughts; my realization that I wasn't where I wanted to be in my life. So I let him kiss me. I let him use my key to the apartment, and I let him lead me to the couch in the living room where we continued to kiss. Even though it didn't feel right. Even though I found myself wishing that he was someone else.