Starry Nights

Chapter 15: Alex

It's been 4 days since she died, he thought. 

He hadn't left the house or eaten since he'd gotten back from the hospital. There were empty bottles of Jack Daniels and wine scattered around the house. It was as is the world was collapsing around him. How do I pick myself back up from this? How do I move on...

He walked into the kitchen for the first time in days. He made himself coffee and eggs, though he soon discovered the two didn't go together. He made his way to the bedroom, and he found the box of letters Natalie had sent him while he was overseas. He sat down at the edge of the bed and began to read them. He picked up the first one he saw, and began to read it.

Alex,

I'm sitting in a coffee shop right now, and everything in me wishes you were here with me. It would be so much lovelier if you were here to share a coffee with me. You'll be coming home soon. I remember when I first heard about you getting shot, I remember my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach and kept going. I honestly don't know what I would do if you died, love. I can't imagine life without you, honestly. I honestly didn't get to spend much time with you, but there was a connection there like no other. It was like the kind of love they have in the books. See what I did there? I remember when you told me that you like the phrase 'the kind of love they have in the books'. Oh God, Alex. Please don't get hurt again. My love, you mean everything to me. I love you, Alex.

Love always,

Natalie

He felt tears streaming down his face. Never in his life had his heart hurt this bad. He'd been through heartbreak before, but never like this. He and Natalie were meant for each other, and he knew it. He knew that their story shouldn't have ended here. He knew that they deserved more time. It wasn't supposed to end like this. There was us and eternity, but now there's me. It's all my fault. I did something stupid, and I don't even remember what it was. I don't even FUCKING REMEMBER what we were fighting about. 

He held the box in his arms, and he laid down on the floor. He screamed as loud as he could, and the tears ran down his face like fountains. "WHY GOD DAMMIT? WHY THE HELL DID IT HAVE TO END LIKE THIS! SHE DIDN'T DESERVE THIS. IT'S ALL MY FUCKING FAULT." 

He suddenly heard a knock at his door. Shit, it's probably the neighbors telling me to shut up. He opened the door, and to his surprise, Lauren was standing there.

"Hey, Alex."

"Lauren", he said acknowledging her with as little talking as possible.

"You look like shit."

"I feel like shit."

She laughed. "Understandable, anyways, I'm just here to give you something. Natalie gave this to me before your wedding." She pulled out an envelope with Alex's name written across it.

"What's this?" he asked.

"She said that if by chance anything ever happened to her, that I was to give this to you. So here I am, giving it to you."

He reached out a trembling hand and took the envelope. He looked down at Lauren, and her back up at him. Suddenly she wrapped her arms around him, and he heard her start to sob. He wrapped his arms around her and tears began to run down his face as well. 

"God dammit, I miss her so much, Alex."

"I do too, Lauren. I do too."

She finally let go of him, and wiper her eyes. "Would you like to come in?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure."

He led her to the kitchen, and he pulled a box of pizza out from the fridge. "Do you mind if we just have leftover pizza?" 

"Alex, have you not realized that 90 percent of my meals consist of leftover pizza, ramen, and macaroni. No, I don't mind pizza."

Alex laughed when she said this. He threw a few slices of pizza in the microwave, and then turned back to Lauren. "How are you?"

"Shitty. None of this feels real, like it's all just a dream and I'm going to wake up tomorrow and me and Natalie are going to go shopping. But deep down I know that I'm not going to see her tomorrow, the next day, or ever again."

"Sucks doesn't it?"

"It's way worse than sucks, but for lack of a better word, yes, it sucks."

They spent the night eating pizza and talking to each other. They told stories of moments they shared with Natalie and remembered wonderful experiences they shared with her. When they finally came back into reality, they saw that it was 9:00 already. 

"I should be getting back. Thanks for letting me hang with you, Alex."

"Of course, Lauren. I think we both needed someone."

"Goodnight, Alex", she said as she closed the door behind her.

"Goodbye, Lauren", he whispered. After she left, he went back into his room, opened the envelope, and pulled out the letter. He began to read:

My Dearest Alex,

Where do I begin? I guess I'll explain what this is. When you were shot, it scared the hell out of me. I mean, I would've wanted to have said some amazing last words to you. So that's why I'm writing this. Life is unexpected, and if anything were to ever happen to me, I'd want you to know that these are my last words to you, my love. So here we go

I remember that day in Central Park when you first walked up to me. I was so sad that day, and you made me completely forget about it for a bit. Obviously you did ask me about why I was sad, but that night, I forgot about everything but you and me. In that moment I knew that you were going to mean a lot to me. That first kiss was absolutely perfect. I'll always that night, forever.

I remember when you left for the Marines I was so scared. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life, especially when you were shot. I thought I had lost you, and I completely fell apart in those few days where I didn't know what was going on. That's part of the reason I'm writing this letter. I don't want to see you fall apart.

The day you asked me to marry you was absolutely perfect. It was one of the best moments of my life. I don't think I've ever been happier than I was on that day. Maybe when we get married tomorrow I'll be even happier, but all I know is that in that moment everything stopped except you and me, and the world was perfect. The world is always perfect when I'm with you, Alex. You're perfect, I promise.

You deserve the absolute best in life, and you should always be happy, Alex. If I, for whatever reason, am ever taken away from you, don't give up. Don't just sink into depression, Alex. I want you to go live life, explore the world, meet another girl and fall in love again. I want you to be happy, Alex. I love you more than life itself, and I know that everyone you meet will love you too. You are perfect, Alex. I write this the night before our wedding, and I know that there will be you and me forever. I'll see you again soon, Alex. It's just you, me, and eternity.

Love always,

Natalie

He felt the tears running down his face. He dropped the envelope, and he saw a photo fall out of it. He picked it up, and saw that it was a picture of them walking away from the camera under an overhang in Central Park. He looked on the back, and in small print, it read: You, Me, and Eternity. ~ Love, Natalie.

As he read those words, he felt the first wave of happiness he'd felt in days rush over him, and in that moment, he finally understood what he had to do.