I'd Live For You, If Only I Could (Completed)

Seven

I wake up alone in a pitch black room, unable to see anything. My heart begins to race while my brain tries to place my location. In my disoriented state, I try to kick my blankets off and run into a tube. A metallic crash sounds from inches next to me and I realize that I am in the hospital. The next realization I come to is that I am completely alone in the complete darkness. Darkness: one of the things that scares me most. My heart does not slow down, but rather thumps harder against the shell of my chest. I can feel my pulse in my ears as tears start to prick at the back of my eyes.

"Scott..." I murmur, wishing he was next to me. I bunch the blankets up against my face and breath into them, pretending they are a person, keeping me company. "Mom, dad..." I look in the direction that I know the door is and see that no light is coming even from beneath it. Even the monitors and ventilators and other machines next to me are offering no illumination. My breath becomes staggered as a fresh tidal wave of panic washes over me. The only sound in the room other than my labored breathing is the increasing sound of the heart monitor, growing louder and louder the more nervous I get. I pull my knees up to my chest, nuzzling the blanket against my face as tears fall down my cheeks and I start to cry. With each new sob, my breath becomes less and less and when I feel suffocated by my own cries, I start to scream in pure panic. The door is thrown open and a small crowd of people shoves through the entryway. Above me, the light is thrown on, but I don't stop screaming until I hear, "Hey, you're okay. Mitchy, you're okay." I melt against Scott's chest and throw my arms around him. From somewhere behind him, a doctor or nurse or someone says, "Excuse me, I'm going to have to ask you to step back. It's for Mr. Grassi's safety."

"I'm just going to be over there, okay, Mitchy? So they can make sure you're okay." Even though I still can't breathe, the sound of his voice is calming me. As soon as he steps away, I start thrashing and trying to get to him.

"Scott! Come back, don't leave me!" I can barely see; my vision is blurred by tears and spots. "Wait, Scott!" I keep trying to get out of the bed, but he keeps retreating to the corner, looking back and forth between me and the doctor. Doctor Jayne walks in and immediately pushes on my shoulders to keep me where I am. Because my body is losing oxygen due to my sobs, I fall back onto the mattress easily and stop fighting.

"Mitch, I'm going to give you a shot okay?"

"Scott." I murmur, feeling dazed.

"He's right over there. I need your arm, Mitch." I don't move. I just stare straight up at the ceiling, murmuring Scott's name. Doctor Jayne's cold, gloved hand presses against my arm and I flinch when the needle pushes into the crook of my elbow. My eyes start to droop shut, and I fall asleep in seconds.

****

When I wake up again, the lights are still on and Scott is at my bedside. I try to reach for him, but my whole body is numb. I am already having a hard time keeping my eyes open. At the foot of the bed, my parents are sitting, asleep, their hands intertwined. The sight pulls at my heart and makes me want more than anything to reach out and hold Scott's hand.

"S..." I can't get more than one letter out, but his eyes flutter open and he shoots me a small, sad smile. He reaches for my hand and grabs it, but I am still numb and cannot feel it.

"Hi, Mitch." I watch as he pulls my hand close to his face and kisses each finger tip. "How do you feel?" I give a half nod, too tired still to do much more. "That great, huh?" He chuckles and I do the same, attempting to sit up.

"Mitch?" I look toward my mom, who is staring intently at Scott, who is holding my hand to his chest. As soon as he hears her voice, he drops my hand and I pull it away.

"Hi."

"Hi." she says back, now looking at me with an unreadable question in her eyes.

"How long have we been here?"

"Six days."

"Have you left? You should go home and rest." I can see the bags that she tried to hide with makeup lurking under her eyes.

"I...I've been home once." She yawns, only helping to prove my point. By now the numbness is completely gone.

"Mom, go home. Take a nap and a shower and eat something." She chuckles.

"You sound like me."

"Please?"

"Will you be okay?"

"Yes. And take Dad with you. He needs food, too. You guys can't live off of hospital coffee and water from the fountains." She stands up and stretches before tapping my dad. His eyes pop open and he mumbles, "I locked the door on the way out."

"Morning, Dad." I say, laughing.

"Mike, Mitch has somehow convinced me that you and I need to go get some rest. So, we're going home. Come on." He stands up and follows her out, still seemingly in a daze. That leaves me and Scott alone.

"You know you can't convince me to leave, right? I won't be so easily persuaded." he says with a smile.

"I wouldn't even dream of trying. Ugh, I need real food."

"I'll get you some. What do you want?" We share a look and he says, "Alrighty, Chipotle it is. Let me clear it with your doctors first."

"Okay. Hurry back."

"As quickly as possible." He leans forward, putting his face close to mine. "Mitch."

"Scott."

"I'm sorry our date didn't really work out."

"It's not your fault."

"You know this will keep happening, right?" He sits back down and knits his eyebrows together.

"What do you mean?"

"If we stay together, I mean. Look where we are, Scott. We're in the hospital instead of on a date. And that's what will keep happening, because I'm broken."

"What are you saying?"

"I..." My mouth goes dry.

"If you're trying to tell me again that I shouldn't fall for you, or that I shouldn't want to be with you, I need you to stop right now. We've already talked about this. I know what I'm getting into with you and it's worth it. It's worth it because I love you." My heart skips a beat.

"You love me?" My voice is barely above a whisper and I focus on a stray thread on my blanket.

"Yes, Mitch, I love you." When I don't answer, or even look up, he sighs and says, "I'll be back soon with Chipotle." He slams the door on the way out.