I'd Live For You, If Only I Could (Completed)

Eight

Scott comes back into the room seconds after slamming the door.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." He sighs and leans on the doorway, staring a hole through the ground. "I didn't mean to get upset." I feel a lump forming in my throat, threatening to expose how much his angry exit hurt me.

"I know." My voice is quiet as I do my best not to look at him.

"I just want you to understand that I fucking love you. You can't change that, no matter how hard you try. I know that it's dangerous to fall in love with you because you are sick, but I've accepted that. It just gives me a reason to love you harder, okay?"

"Scott..." I try to verbalize what's in my head. "I...you're only seventeen. You have your whole fucking life ahead of you. I don't want to be in the way once I die. I know you. I know how you are. I know that if you fall in love with me and then I die while you're still young, you won't fall in love again. You won't be able to move on because that's just who you are. You hold on too tight for your own good. By next month, I'm going to be practically living here. I don't want to weigh you down."

"Mitch, listen to me-" I can practically feel his anger rising again, so I cut him off.

"Can you just leave me alone for a little while? Please, I just want to be by myself."

"Sure. Call me if you need anything." he mumbles, walking out and shutting the door quietly. I grab my phone and call Kirstie.

****

Kirstie sits on my bed, letting me talk.

"I just want him to understand that I'm dangerous and he needs to not care about me." I finish, letting out a deep breath that I can't afford.

"Newsflash, hun. He's not going to stop caring about you. I saw the way he looked at you the first day you guys met. He's been looking at you the same way ever since. Just let him love you and love him back. Instead of trying to fight, use the time that you have to show him you love him. Don't try to push him away. Sure, he might get hurt, but he's strong. He can recover, and at least he will have been able to love you while you're here."

"You have a point." I mumble, tracing a seam on my blanket.

"I always do. Call him, right now. I guarantee he's waiting by his phone." I smile, knowing that she's probably right. She hands me my phone and I dial the number slowly, trying to stretch the seconds into minutes. When I press the green icon and lift the phone to my ear, my heart is beating so hard it feels like it might burst through my chest.

"Hi." he says quietly.

"Hi. Uh, are you busy right now?"

"No. Not doing anything important, anyway. Why?"

"I need to talk to you, face to face."

"Okay, I'll be there in ten." He hangs up before I can say anything else and I drop my phone onto my lap.

"He's on his way. Get out; you can't be here when he gets here."

"Um, okay?"

"Just go. Love you."

"Love you too, you idiot." She kisses my cheek before she leaves.

****

For a moment, Scott lingers by the doorway.

"Come here." I open my arms and he rushes into my embrace, and I take the opportunity to hide my face in his neck. "I'm sorry. I love you."

"So...does that mean you're done trying to persuade me?" he asks quietly, pulling back to see my face. I nod. "Can I kiss you?" I nod again. The feeling of his lips on mine makes my heart rate skyrocket, and the monitor goes crazy.

"Stupid thing." I murmur, giggling, against his lips. He readjusts so that his lips are pressed to my cheek. For a few seconds we just stay that way. "I love you to Pluto and back." I say quietly.

"That's cute. My love for you cannot be measured." At the sound of the door opening, Scott jumps back a little.

"Mitch, you've been cleared to go." Doctor Jayne says, walking in and hanging a clipboard on one of the monitors. She disconnects the heart monitor and says, "As much as I like having you around, I would like to not see you for a while."

"Same here." I say.

"Have a good day." Her voice fades out as she leaves.

"I should call my parents. Where's my phone?" I wonder aloud, standing up for the first time in days. The ground feels more solid than it did last time I was standing.

"Here." Scott hands my my phone and I call my parents. My mom says that she will be over as soon as possible to take me home.

"I have to change." I spot my clothes, neatly folded, across the room, and trudge over to where they are.

"Do you want me to leave?" Scott asks, standing up.

"Uh, not particularly. Just...close your eyes." He does as I ask and I change in my shirt and jeans, which feels good after days in a hospital gown. "Ugh, I need to take a shower." My parents show up fifteen minutes later.

"Scott, do you need a ride home?" my dad asks as we leave the room.

"No, I can drive." I feel my heart sink a little when he starts to leave without saying anything, but then he turns back and says, "I'll see you whenever you come back to school." His little half-smile give me reassurance. It gives me reassurance that he really does love me.