A Little More(ON HOLD)

Colors Paint My Mind

Colors Paint My Mind

Invisible

But clear as day

So many words I want to say

Colors paint my mind

But I speak in black and white

- Written by Sea of Black and White Keys

Asha

Ironic as it might seem, I love Christmas. The feeling of being surrounded by those you love was always so enjoyable, especially the memories you tend to share with family and friends. However in the last year and a  half , things started to change for me and my life. Here I am sitting with my family pretending to enjoy this holiday I once called my favorite.  Being questioned , I became use to the millions of questions I was approached with. The judgement , along with the accusations . It wasn't as if I wasn't able to answer the questions , It was the dreadfulness that came along with them.  Growing up, as an African woman you're taught many different roles you are born to play. One being , "Perfect". Although I was a smart kid, I hated the constant arguments I had with my parents as they despised the B's I would receive rather than A's on my report card. In regards to my nonfufillement of  achieving my initial goal of being congratulated on my achievements, I was forced to reward myself at whatever I'd accomplish in life. One thing I never understood was my parent's hatred for relationships. I was always told to stay away from boys , and forced to play alone attributed to the many different boys who I had lived around, At times I felt left out. If it wasn't for me meeting , Evy I wouldn't know what it felt like to have a friend or companionship. It wasn't always dreadful growing up with African parents. The parties and various of dented smiles which was plastered throughout the room , always gave me great anticipation.  The laughs I shared with families and Evy, was the highlight of it all, but all that didn't seem to matter to me anymore.

" Asha, am  I not talking to you ?" my mom said with a slight accent in her voice. I could tell she was irritated, at my failure to keep up with the conversation she tried so hard to instill.

" Jacob is not coming here mom" I Told her as my frustration boiled at the continuous topic.

" why not?", The disgust filled her face more and more, and I wasn't in the mood to deal with it, so I wanted to just set the record straight so that I could move on from this thing my parents called a "burden" as an African child.

" You really- Look mom , He just isn't , I'm tired of the judgement he gets every time he steps foot in this house".

" Jacab ?, Who's  Jacab ? " my aunt added including herself in the conversation like always , as if she played some role of importance in this.

" This disgraceful  white guy she calls her boyfri-" suddenly she was cut off by my aunt

" a white boy ?" she yelled, making everyone else aware of the conversation.  "You like them white boys ? Asha. Oh  my daughter  the devil has cursed you ! Please holy father guide her spirit. Ohhhhhh. Please let her marry a wholesome African man and not the devil's sin. These white boys don't want anything pure, all they want is to release their evil spirits and curse us".

" I don't think she likes them , she probably wants to get a green card so she can stay ". One of my uncle's added himself in the conversation causing even more annoyance to urge through me  " isn't that right Asha?" he continued. I couldn't believe this .

"well why didn't you say that ? does he have money ?" aunty Anaya asked, leaning closer in.  Money? Jacob for money? They don't get it , They don't get us.

" Answer your  aunt when she is talking to you Asha ! " my mom said giving me a look.

I didn't have to answer them, neither me or my man owed them any explanation for our love's sudden occurrence. Jacob King , was mine and that was all that was my concern. " I'm late for work I have to go" I said getting my shit together , Almost walking out I turned around and looked at them . " Merry Christmas and his name is Jacob ! not Jacab" I blurted out as I walked out slamming the door that rattled along with the loud music filled throughout the house. As I finally approached my apartment after the long drive, I felt the stress continuously affecting my body. My back began to ache as well as my feet, exhaling deeply , I kicked of my heels and laid my head against the soft couch cushion. Finally peace an- The phone. "Don't people ever know how to- Jacob...", I sighed and picked up the phone on the third ring.

"Hello" I answered, trying to hide the stress in my voice.

"Hey baby,  I was calling because I wasn't sure if you were still  able to make it to my parents dinner?"

Tired from my family's battle of whether or not me and Jacob were meant to be , I wasn't looking forward to a run in with his parents. I know that Jacob was counting on me , but I really needed some me time after that Christmas party. " Sorry Jacob I can't ... I'm still at my parent's house and I'm not sure when I'll be able to get out of here, they need my help. " I felt bad for lying , but I had to .

" That's okay, I understand; well I will see you later. I love you, good luck with the party"

" Thanks for understanding.. Well I gotta go..."  I said hanging up and laying back, Don't get me wrong I do love Jacob, but I'm not quite ready to admit my love to him. Although I could care less how my family feels about Jacob, It would be nice to not always having to worry about our families accepting our relationship. And if waiting until I reveal my love for Jacob was a way of saving myself from heart break, then so be it.