~Always~

Injured Since The Beginning: part two

Harry looked towards his professor showing his puffy green eyes and his face hot with embarrassment, his teacher just caught him crying like a preschool baby. Harry couldn't see if the professor was angry or not so to be extra cautious he brought the potions book onto his lap hoping to impress the professor. Harry began to think to himself about why Severus wasn't in the Great Hall either; perhaps the professor didn't see him bawling his eyes out? Harry decided to forget about the last five minutes and question Severus, praying that the issue would be forgotten.

"Pro-Professor Snape. Why aren't you in the Great Hall?" His voice was uncertain as for if questioning the professor would land him in more trouble.

"I was just about to ask you the same thing Mr. Potter, what I am doing here is none of your business. However you sitting in a library avoiding the feast is very much my business, so why aren't you celebrating and off with your friends?" Severus never thought a student would question his authority and intentions; Harry certainly got that trait from his father Snape thought.

"I.... I didn't want to celebrate the new year" Harry admitted now hoping that if he told the truth, the professor might go a bit easier on him. Harry hung his head but still looked up at the professor with his green eyes.

Every time Snape saw those green eyes all he could think about was Lily's cold, lifeless body being cradled in his arms on that night. Severus suppressed a shudder as he relived the memory, he refused to think of that at this moment.

"Why ever not, shouldn't you be excited and happy at a time like this" Snape asked with a hint of a growl.

Harry shook his head for a brief moment before exploding "No! And why should anybody else, Doesn't anyone remember what happened on this night?! The Night that they died!" Harry had to hold back a new wave of tears that were threatening to flow. "He killed both of them! He didn't even pause! I....... I saw her die, right in front of me. I can remember everything like it happened yesterday. I can't stop remembering! The images weave their way into my mind so that it's all I can see." Both Harry and Severus were taken aback by the sudden outburst, and Harry's breath was shaky, but that didn't stop him from continuing, this time his voice became wavy and quiet with the constant threat of tears in his eyes "she died for me.... No because of me... because of a disgusting germ... AND NOW EVERYONE WANTS ME TO CELEBRATE IT. CELEBRATE THE FACT THAT I KILLED MY MOTHER." Harry didn't care anymore; he let the tears fall from his eyes freely.

The last thing Snape expected Harry to say was that he could remember that night, and not only that but he blamed himself for everything that happened. No wonder the guilt was devouring him. "No. you did not kill her" Snape began, his voice filled with empathy.

"Yes. Yes I did, and everyone knows it, it's all they talk about. Harry Potter 'the boy who lived', if I didn't kill her then I wouldn't be famous" Harry swept away some of the tears that were falling his cheek but didn't try to stop the others from falling.

Snape threw a tissue at Harry and said: "stop crying over the parchment paper Potter, salt doesn't mix well with the ink." Harry grabbed the tissue and stared at it like he had never seen one before.

"What? I uh I mean thank you sir" Harry was baffled that Snape just made a joke. Surely it was just the way Harry had interpreted it. He slowly held the tissues up to his eyes and dried them.

"Harry look at me" Snape ordered, yet his voice was soft, he forced himself to stare into the green eyes. "You did not kill them. There was nothing that you could have done to stop the dark lord from coming to your house that night. As for your mother, she did what any mother would have done to save her child. She choose her own death, she acted out of love, and I know that she would never have wanted you to take the blame for that and to feel guilty."

"Yeah? How would you know?" Harry demanded, "Did you decide to come and watch the show that night."

"I didn't have to, and be careful of your tone otherwise I might have to take points for disrespecting a teacher."

"Like you need a reason" Harry whispered hoping that the potions teacher wouldn't hear him, but in the silence of the Library Severus heard it perfectly.

"Because you... are not yourself tonight, Potter I am willing to overlook that remark just this once, but don't get me wrong if you try that again you will be washing cauldrons and scrubbing floors with your toothbrush before you can say expelliarmus. Is that clear? And just so you know, your mother and I knew each other very well. She was my classmate and my..... she was my friend."

Harry's eyes widened, how could no one bother to mention that Snape knew his mother that well. The only thing people ever said was that Snape and his father James hated each other, come to think of it people only mentioned James the only thing that he knows about his mother is that he has her eyes. This angered Harry further, why did everyone keep things from him, first the Dursley's held his magical abilities a secret, and now the Hogwarts staff kept things about his parents.

"It must be nice, sir, having such fond memories of your friend. I guess that's why you enjoy these celebrations." Harry used the word sir as to show that he was still respecting the professor "why should I care about damn feasts and celebrations when I have these visions forever implanted into my mind. Tell me, sir, since you are such a brilliant wizard. Why does nobody care." Harry was balling his hands into fists, and his face was hot with anger.

"Potter you ask the same question I have been asking myself all these years, I do not believe that we should be celebrating on a night like this. So don't even suggest for one second that I am anything like those imbeciles back in the hall, neglecting everything that happened on this night. I was also there that night.....her eyes used to be filled with light and happiness.... you cannot know... you have no idea boy. Never compare me to them ever again." Harry then realised why Snape had come to the Library.

He was there to mourn the loss of a loved one, much like himself. Harry could see the guilt and the grief forming in the professor's eyes. At that moment everything became too much for the professor, and he had to look away, his eyes were drawn to the book that Harry attempted to read.

"I see you have a potions book with you Mr Potter, are you trying to improve in my class, or are you wanting to fool me into thinking that you actually enjoy my class," Severus said with kindness and in a joking manner in attempts to lighten the mood.

"I- I do like your class professor, granted I'm not very good at potions, but I do enjoy it. I've always loved mixing ingredients. However, I think it would be much more enjoyable if youstoppedbeingsogrumpyandharshonthesrudents" Harry said the last bit quietly and quickly once again hoping the professor didn't hear, but he did.

"What was that Mr Potter?"

"It was nothing sir," Harry said quickly

"No. if you have something to say then spit it out."

"Okay, but remember you asked. I-I said that perhaps if you weren't so grumpy and harsh to the students then maybe more people would enjoy the class and that if you gave me a chance I might surprise you... Dumbledore said that mum used to be brilliant at potions and charms and that she loved it.. well so do I" Harry suddenly became self-conscious, scared of what the professor would do.

"It is true that Lily was fantastic at potions. And charms" Severus was furious at the boy's nerve but then remembered that he indeed ask for what Potter had to say "don't go asking unless you truly seek Sev" Lily's voice echoed through his mind. Maybe just maybe if he gave Potter a chance then he might find that he is more like Lily than James. "In many ways Mr.Potter you remind me of your mother very much."

"you. You really think so?" Harry questioned, Severus noticed a small sparkle in Harry's eyes upon hearing these words.

"Indeed I do Mr. Potter" replied Severus, there was a moment of silence as the two took in the moment, however it didn't last long as there was a loud bang on the Library door.