Sane // A Winter Soldier Story

chapter four // anger

••

"Tell my thoughts to resign...I'm not ready, I'm not strong enough." -Just Smoke by Mumford and Sons

••

〘Athena〙

Hours later, Athena was sitting at her desk at home, pouring over paperwork. She was desperately attempting to fly through all of the paperwork for her patients so that she could then study the Winter Soldier's file, which lay on the corner of her desk, just out of reach.

It was pitch black outside, and the clock beside her said that it was nearly two in the morning. Her hair was sort of up and sort of down, laying haphazardly all over her head, and she was clad in her favorite sweatpants and a big sweatshirt. Her thick glasses rested on her nose. A cup of coffee sat beside her laptop, quietly encouraging her to stay awake. All she wanted to do right now was to read over the Winter Soldier's file, the file that had every single detail about his past inside of it and could answer so many of her burning questions. She had seen his eyes and the evidence of his psychological trauma first hand, but she needed more to be able to get a grasp on who this man was- she needed to know a bit of his past.

And she wasn't learning about him because it was her job: she was doing it to spite her stupid boss.

After Steve left the facility earlier, Mr. Caraway and Athena had gotten into a huge fight. Mr. Caraway had not been happy with how she'd undermined him while they were talking with Steve, and because of his own pride, he decided to ban her from Ward 3 until further notice. Athena was absolutely furious.

She was the lead psychologist at the facility and had a record there unlike anyone else. She'd never lost a patient, never turned in paperwork late, and was always on time and ready to work every single day. She'd never caused any problems or done anything there except work hard at what she loved. And yet, for some reason, Mr. Caraway didn't want her anywhere near the most fascinating person to ever walk through those doors.

So, she'd snatched the Winter Soldier file off of his desk on the way out, deciding to simply conduct her own research. He didn't see her take it, and if he knew she had it, she'd be in a ton of trouble. But she didn't care. He was being unfair- and not just to her, but to Bucky. He'd mentioned a few names to Athena of people he was thinking of assigning to Bucky's case and they were all new, inexperienced, and lacking proper training. Newbies shouldn't be allowed to be alone with a mildly depressed patient, let alone a man that's supposedly been through hell and back.

Something about it all seemed very suspicious to her. But even if she did uncover something fishy, there wasn't anything she'd be able to do about it, seeing as she clearly wasn't as respected around that facility as she thought she was.

So she decided to keep her head down, finish all of her paperwork early, and then, on her own time, avidly study the man she so badly wanted to treat.

She took another sip of her coffee and scribbled wildly over her papers, sneaking a glance at the soldier's file every couple of lines. It was like when he had been locked inside the cage earlier; he was there, but ever so slightly out of her reach.

--

The following morning, she arrived at the facility ten minutes before the beginning of her shift. Today she was donned in a grey pencil skirt, a grey blazer and a pale blue blouse. She'd even added a necklace, a small silver pendant that hung loosely around her neck.

The nice outfit was simply an attempt at looking put together, as she was absolutely exhausted.

She hadn't gone to sleep last night until around five in the morning, having been completely engrossed in the Winter Soldier's file. She couldn't seem to get him off of her mind. His empty eyes stared at her every time she closed her own, begging for her to help him; begging for someone, anyone, to care. She wanted to help him, she did, but she was certain she was missing a piece of his story. How could Hydra manage to turn a brave, loyal soldier into the most feared assassin in history? Why, of all people, did they choose a little boy from Brooklyn to usher in their new era of terror? What sort of nightmares have those empty eyes of his witnessed?