Sane // A Winter Soldier Story

chapter twenty one // speak

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"Tremble for yourself, my man, you know that you have seen this all before." -Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons 

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《Athena》

For the millionth time that day, the room was silent, but this time no one heard the silence. Instead, they all heard their own roaring thoughts, which drowned out the loud quiet of the courtroom as James took a seat on the stand.

Everyone's screaming thoughts were interrupted by the sharp clanking of James' chains as they bashed against themselves. His muscles were massive and tense, adding to his intimidating appearance, and his dark hair hung loosely around his head, partially in front of his eyes. It made him look dangerous. But ultimately it was the look of his face, not his body, that really characterized him. James' eyes were black and hollow, and Athena could almost physically see him trying to hold himself together. His jaw was clenched tightly, and though he was still young, there was a grave look of hopelessness in his features that made him appear so much older.

He flexed his fingers to help alleviate some of his anxiety, but the way it made his muscles ripple likely just put everyone else further on edge. Athena could understand why his ignorant accusers had such an easy time convincing everyone that this man was harmful; James looked just as dangerous as he actually was.

"Mr. Barnes, I'm going to ask you some questions that may make you uncomfortable, but please try to answer them the best you can. Let me know if you need a minute," Mr. Forsberg began, and James stayed silent, simply nodding. Mr. Forsberg continued.

"Mr. Barnes, do you remember the day you were captured by Hydra?"

Bucky stiffened. A few moments went by before he spoke, but it felt like longer as everyone sat on the edge of their seats, their eyes never once leaving his face. Athena swore she could hear everyone's rapid heartbeats.

Bucky opened his mouth, and his gruff, deep voice was a shock to everyone. "I remember that day well," he began, with a voice that was somehow both rough and smooth at the same time. "It was the day my life became a living hell."

He didn't offer more. He looked like he was about to throw up at the thought of that day. Mr. Forsberg waited another second before asking him a second question.

"And can you tell us what you remember?"

Athena's heart lurched at the look on James' face. She saw pain and anguish and sorrow, she saw bitter regret, and she saw red hot anger at the world for letting this happen to him. She felt the same anger rise up in her again, just as it already had so many times today; she wanted to know how this world, this beautiful world, could be so goddamn cruel to someone who was so goddamn kind.

"I remember fighting against Hydra, inside the train," he began. His voice was quiet as he stared the the ground, his chest rising and falling unevenly. "I ran out of ammo. Steve came to help...tossed me his shield. And then I was shot at -- it hit the shield and I went flying back, fast -- I slammed into the side of the train so hard the metal broke away, and before I knew it...I was dangling hundreds of feet in the air."

He stopped for a moment to swallow. He closed his eyes. Athena hung on to every word; she would cling to any piece of his past that she could, because that meant he had one less piece to carry himself.

"I...I remember Steve calling my name. I'd never heard him sound so scared before. I remember that it was freezing and the wind was going so fast I could hardly see, let alone move. I knew that I wasn't gonna make it. There was no way. And then the train hit a bump, and my hands slipped, and I missed Steve's hands, and...everything just...went black. That was...that was the last time I ever saw Steve. And the last time I was ever myself."