Beating Hearts

"Moments"

The past few weeks have been terribly hard and I seem to be stressed most of the time because of my family issues that never fail to make me feel a sense of guilt and pity, not only for myself but for those whom I left with no explanation at all because I knew their intentions towards me were horrible, although that hurt, oddly, I was always miserable whenever they crossed my mind.

Chads apartment was an extraordinary restful place that I enjoyed being present in, he had gorgeous white and grey interior with plants that filled the atmosphere and suited the surroundings.

I've officially become an architect three months ago, as well as I took a few interior courses every now and then, that's why I payed attention to little details that made everything seem sophisticated yet simple, I loved modern houses.

  I built my house, the one that's way too big on me. I had hopes of having a family but that never happened because of the fear of having others being committed, maybe because the thought of having my mothers fate haunted me, yet, when i've given it my best shot, mine was terribly worse.

I had many affairs, thinking that I'll receive the love from a man other than my father would make me feel satisfied and for once, happy.

"Why are you always going into the deepest universe pretty face, I'm getting worried." The voice echoed through my body, I felt sudden warmth and a feeling of mind peace and self love that moment.

I loved him because he cared, I loved him because he understood, I loved him with his flaws because he loved me with mine, I loved him when he laughs from the bottom of his heart and gets wrinkles on his eyes and side cheeks, but most importantly I love him and will always do because he made me love myself within the process of loving him.

I looked into his innocent brown eyes, the bad boy never treated me badly, in fact, he treated me better than anyone else ever did.

Opening my lips, I had the sudden urge to tell him what goes through my mind, I had the urge to tell him my deepest and darkest; fears and secrets, regrets and guilts, thoughts and actions.

"I don't know." I said in a sad tone unintentionally.

"Anyway! what are we doing today! can we go to the beach? please Chad! oh my god, yes! the beach sounds perfect!"

I saw his eyes lighten up because of how happy I was, my excitement and positivity excited him, I don't know what it was with Chad but he always made me the happiest person alive when I was around him, his presence was surreal.

"I have better plans in mind."

"Oh okay, what are we doing then?"

"Firstly, we're going shopping because you can't wear that"

I looked down at my black long sleeved crop top, ripped white jeans, and black heeled boots.
I thought he'd like the outfit when I wore it this morning, but I guess not.

"No don't look like that love, It has nothing to do with how it looks! you look beautiful babe don't worry, but we're going to a wedding and you're going to look absolutely fucking gorgeous because you're my girl."

I couldn't help it but blush and smile the biggest and brightest I possibly can, he clearly thought this through.

We got into the car and headed to the mall, we chose to listen to rap, I know this might sound weird, but deep down, I knew every lyric to every song, the look of surprise and shock on his face made me laugh the entire car ride.

We went into the first store and the lady was staring at Chad, I was so angry I felt like I was boiling with rage. What if he's into girls like her and not me? What if he thinks she's prettier than I am and he can't do anything about that?

He looked at me knowingly of what's going through my mind, with an instant move he pulled me closer to him against the changing rooms door, our chests connected as he leaned in and kissed me suddenly.

My heart fell, and I couldn't do a thing about it.
But here's what I did, I held his neck with one hand and pulled him closer to me with the other, it felt as if the universe shattered in pieces, we became one, our souls and hearts have connected in a way i've never felt before.