Beating Hearts

"Sanity"

Chad held me closer to him and we walked back to the ceremony, he told me that the only way I should face this is by confronting John -my ex husband- and talk about it, about why his only aim was to break me and tear me apart, about why he beat me day and night, about why he made me cry endlessly because I thought I was never good enough, good enough to be loved.

I've missed him a little at times, a little too much, a little too often. He was my husband and I was his wife, even when our life was bittersweet I knew deep down something made him treat me the way he did, I knew he truly loved me way before our first child and our everyday fights.

Talking to him after years of no self love or confidence utterly confused and scared me.
Losing him always felt horrible, but having him back again after what he has put me through felt way worse.

Walking towards the doors of the ceremony, walking towards my second chance; that seemed much more like the end of me. We entered, Chad and I. His hand in mine and my eyes searching everywhere, scanning the room of well dressed men and women with their entire lives depending on money and what not; and there I was, the girl that left it all behind hoping for an actual living where people love you truly, but was I so blind?

Love crossed my path when I had the patience and stopped searching for it, It found me.

I saw him from a distance, sipping the red wine with his watery eyes filled with hatred and betrayal.
I walked closer in my nude heels that were extremely tight on my feet and my mascara running down my cheeks, I fluttered my hair over my shoulders and kept my posture still, I was no longer afraid of him, quite the contrary I now, pity him for ever caring about what other people might think and for trusting others easily.

"John Delema, been so long!" I said with a fake grin plastered all over my face to cover my weakness.

what's the worse that can happen? Chad Slizen is by my side no one dares to touch me.

"Sarah Cooper, acting all strong, independent, and powerful with her mascara all over her face and her insecurities hitting here at this very moment. You never change, do you?"

"What a shame John,you end up here, in a more horrid condition than ever."

"And you're ending up with me, because I'm taking you back sweetheart."

"That's one wrong guess my love! wonder why?"

"Spill whatever you have and let's get going."

"I no longer fear you, you can't and will no longer control me. My no means no, and you have to start accepting that. As for you and what you did, I won't ever forgive you, and won't hesitate a second to silence you and whoever you have supporting you with a click of a gun. Violence was never the answer from my perspective honestly, but living with you for a good couple of years I had no choice but to become this ruthless did I?"

He finished his cup and slammed it on the counter with rage. He gripped on my wrist tightly which made it turn all red when his grip loosened after he  held me closer to him and lead the way.

My heart about to fall out of place, where was chad, how could he not be near?

Leading the way to the garden, trembling with all the different emotions, not because of John, but of Chad who was no where to be found.

"You're going to understand the game you put me in and then we'll see if you truly hate me or not sarah, then you can decide your fate."

"Unless you can't see the condition where in, there is no game, no competition, and no winner in this life John. This is a battle, we're all warriors, some of us get to survive, the others don't, they get to live up for it and feel the bravery of a lifetime. But you? you're a peasant to this world, they locked you up in your thoughts long ago, and while you lost yourself, you lost everything; Including the battle you never got to take a major part in."

"As for you? This world hasn't changed you? You never cared what others thought?"

"Filth teaches filth John, but I am forever pure. I am forever not who you are, or who my dad is."

"You're worse than both of us combined Sarah, don't compliment yourself that much, you're the reason we created this 'battle' of yours, you're the reason we're all ending."

"Call me what you want, Blame me all you want. But don't ever think, that you're half the person I am. I was forced into a marriage, I was forced to give birth to a child and leave her behind, I was forced to leave all the wealth I had because I chose my mental health over that hell of a living. I died for you everyday John, every second. But you taught me to keep my walls built high and to never bend down to any man, you and that asshole of a father."

"Forced into a marriage? Do you have any Idea of how much I fucking loved you Sarah? I died day and night telling your father to back off, but he said he'll take your life, and mine if I didn't make you regret the second you sinned and gave birth to our beautiful little Reina. He scarred me with knives each birthday she had, that's why I was never there. Did you ever bother asking about me the moment I got home? No, you never fucking did Sarah, and that hurt me more than the knives ever could. I loved you, but you were too blind by the fact that you were forced to marry me that you never thought about giving me what I gave you. Do you know why I came here? Because I want your presence Sarah, I want you next to me, you make me better. We'll leave your dad and the past behind I promise you baby. We'll have a beautiful life with our little girl In a safe household where both her parents love each other and her unconditionally."

I couldn't help but have my jaw drop and have tears run down my face all over again.

Shaking, I gave myself to him, just to thank him for all that he's done without my knowledge and appreciation. I looked up at his blue eyes for the first time with love in them, he was beautiful and an amazing soul apparently, and I was too blind to see.
He may have treated me badly but after having him explain all this I was speechless, but the feelings I had for him were different than the ones I had for Chad.

Chad made me happy, John satisfied me for his position, being the caring father of my Child.

Before asking him to see my daughter and before thinking of a response.

A shadow set just right above the spotlight in the small garden outside which filled darkness all over our surroundings.