Slow Down

Let down and hanging around

NO

That's not what happened.

There was no jack. There was no rescue.

I was still here in this room.

And it was horrible.

I will say it was nice while it lasted. One last good moment which then crushed me mentally.

In a way I knew it wasn't real but I played along anyway. I just wish it lasted just a bit longer.

Now I'm awake again. Lost all feeling in my arms. Waiting. Waiting.

It truly is amazing how the human mind works. It tries so hard to help. I do appreciate it to a point. In fact it helps the human race survive.

Child birth for example is extremely painful. I mean I can't possibly know what it's like but as amazing as it must seem it's a traumatic time for the mother.

The pain is so bad that the mind simply forgets the worst of the pain. This allows mother's to be able to have another child without worrying about pain.

It's a time they forget about and never come back to.

I wonder if this will be me or in fact is me. What if I have forgotten the worst of what he has done? Would my mind simply forget about it.

This thought terrifies me and comforts me at the same time.

What else has he done to me I'm not aware of?

No. Can't think of that. That won't help.

I keep telling myself this but I keep going back and thinking of the horrors he could have done without me knowing.

Scary and disturbing thoughts infested my mind. It was no longer the physical pain that was the worst part.

It was my own mind, my own poisonous thoughts making their way in that is hurting me the most.

I started to cry again. But not out of relief or hope. I cried for myself. Even if I block out the  thoughts the pain will continue.

What if I had already forgotten what I just thought of a minute ago.

What if-

Oh shit

He's back.

Sitting at his desk.

"How come you're not saying those words to yourself? What were they again? I think it was Iceland, Hannah, Sorry?"

"What words?" I said.