Not a Diary ➳ LS

Entry Eleven

Entry Eleven:

So.

It's been a while. 5 days, to be exact. Yes, I'm keeping track.

Everything's been kind of frazzled lately, what with Louis deciding to move in with Eleanor instead of her moving in with himself.

He told me it was better this way, so I didn't have to find another place to like. Pfft. Like I would have left his side for even a minute if Little Miss Perfection had moved in, anyway.

I can't argue his decision, it doesn't really involve me first-hand. All I have control over is answering calls from him when he's bored or replying to his goodnight texts.

I'm always his second choice, though. Always. You say "Hey man, what's up?" And It's,"Eleanor's out with friends." Or "Eleanor's picking up dinner." If Eleanor was there, he wouldn't have been calling me. It probably wouldn't even cross his mind. And all he talks about is her too. I don't care what shirt she wore today, Louis.

I only care about you.

He hasn't once said he misses me. Not a single time.

He tells me he loves me, but I see right through his words. He's only trying to comfort me. Maybe he does love me, in a way, but not like I want him to. He'd never love me like he loves Eleanor.

It's hard, ya know? Cos I know that I miss him a heck of a lot because he's my absolute world, and he doesn't even regret going at all.

He's moved on great. He's good with leaving me behind. In a cloud of dust. In the beating sun. Alone.

That may have been dramatic, but it's legitimate. That is exactly how I feel right now.

I even had to help him pack up his closet. Louis is really into fashion, so I knew for sure that when his designer pea coat, red skinny jeans, and 5674219 pairs of TOMs were going, he was too.

The last thing I ever heard from him in person was,"Thanks for always being there for me, Curly. I'm going to need you now more than ever."

What's that supposed to mean anyway?

Maybe there's something I'm not getting?

He hasn't said anything more about it since. I've just been sitting here, on the sofa with a mug of tea and a bag of crisps, occasionally crying because I wish he was sitting beside me and making fun of that-one-show-we-used-to-watch-but-never-knew-the-name-of. The one with the cheesy lines and the very, very bad make up. Im actually watching it right now. Still as bad as I recalled it being, but not as entertaining without Louis.

Im thinking about my best friend. And all those other times where I knew we were both totally connected with each other, and all that mattered was us, and I thought nothing would ever come between me and my Louis.

Well, I can say this for sure: I thought wrong.

-Harry x