Always Been You

FIVE.

FIVE.
I wake up in the middle of the night and find a blanket covering me. Before I could look around, I find him slumped in his desk surrounded by study materials. I sigh at the sight of him. He's going to hurt his back when he wakes up. I know because I suffer from them too whenever I study and end up sleeping in that position.

I get up and go to him. I slightly nudge him. "Jamil," I say.

"Hmm?" He stirs after a few nudge.

"You'll hurt your back," I say and gesture towards the bed. He doesn't protest, maybe because he's too sleepy, and go over to the bed without another word. This time I covered him with his blanket. He falls deep into sleep. I watch him breathe peacefully. He's too cute even when sleeping.

I only wake him when it's time to pray the dawn prayer. He had his own alarm which surprised me, but it was in his desk I doubt he'd hear it in his sleep. But I wake him up nevertheless.

At breakfast, when he wakes up again, he's clearly surprised that I've prepared him a festive breakfast. "I reheated your food in the refrigerator," I tell him. Aside from those, I also cooked him some other stuffs. I'm belatedly glad I learned how to cook.

"They're from Mama," he says still a bit sleepy. Mama? I know he doesn't call his mother Mama, but Mommy. "She came with Dhiraar."

"My Mama and Dhiraar?" I ask curiously. After that I was speechless. Mother never told me about him visiting her son-in-law and giving him foods. I always thought Mother is opposed to the idea of Jamil and I marrying so why would she make such an effort?

"Hmm," he answers and start digging. "You know, you didn't have to clean the place. You're not here to do those, you know."

"It's fine," I say watching him eat.

"Aren't you going to eat?" He asks when he notices. I only have my cup of coffee with me.

I shake my head. "Later," I say.

He breaks into small chuckle as if he remembered something. "If you're worried about gaining weight, it's fine. You're still beautiful," he says.

I slap his arm again. How did he guess so?! "You're so mean," I say. And then I belatedly realize how he had called me beautiful. He did right?! I feel my heart skip a beat. Okay, that was uncalled for.

"Eat, or you'll be hungry," he urges.

"I'm already full watching you eat," I say playing along.

He laughs and has the audacity to tease me. When the moment died down, I ask him about his sleepover. He says he changed his mind on the last minute. He doesn't say why though.

Since we are to meet Saharah later, we decide to just stay in his pad. The malls won't open by ten so we have no choice but to stay. He went to his study materials while I resorted to my e-book.

But I couldn't concentrate. My eyes drift to him, even though his back is on me. I couldn't help but observe how he had a broad back, even though he lost weight. I think it feels good to hug those, like you have a life-size teddy bear or something. Oh no, wait, I look like a creep, aren't I? What am I thinking fantasizing about his back? I just couldn't help but look at him once in a while. Is that a bad thing?

I tear my gaze away from him and concentrate on my e-book. Or at least, I did. But to no avail. I set down my iPad and just lay there observing his ceiling. I should have stayed in my dorm. Studying would be better. I wonder how my books, handouts and calculator are doing? What are my co-reviewees doing at this moment? Are they getting ahead? They may have solved more problems than me now.