Always Been You

THREE.

THREE.

I find Jamil and Dhiraar shouting in my room. It seems like the two are having a great time playing LAN games in their phones. I look at them with curiosity while I set down a thick envelope in my desk. "What are you guys doing?" I ask.

"Having fun," says Dhiraar. Well, obviously.

I make a face. "Jamil, you're teaching my brother diversions from his studies," I chastise. "You are a bad influence."

Jamil, as usual, just laughs. "Loosen up. It's summer. Dhiraar here has all the right to have fun and learn games."

I cross my arms. "Well, scurry up, Dhiraar or we'll leave you behind," I threaten him. He sticks his tongue out.

"I like Jamil more than you," he says leaving my bed and running for the door.

"Hey! Take that back!" I say about to run after him. But he was fast he was already gone. I shrug. "He hasn't finished packing yet, you know," I tell Jamil who was grinning at me triumphantly.

"Relax, the city's not going to run away," says him.

"Fine," I give up and throw myself on the bed beside him. "Thanks for taking care of him. He's always liked to have an older brother, not a sister." I do my best but I'm still not a brother.

"I want a younger brother anyway," he says. "Girls are noisy."

I glare at him hard and smash the pillow in his head. He yelps. "I'm gonna tell Jamila and Jannah," I say talking about his sisters. Just last week, we went to have lunch and spent the rest of the day together. And as we did so, they were like female versions of Jamil, very comfortable to be with. I felt really welcomed to the family. And I've always wanted a sister too, now I suddenly got two.

"Fine. I'll have Dhiraar."

"Fine."

"Fine."

Faking annoyance, I get up and check my luggage. The day after tomorrow, I'll be flying to the capital city, not the one we are going to today, for my review school. And so my things are packed already. I don't know what to feel. I'm kind of nervous and excited. And I could smell homesickness in distance.

"Where have you been?" He asks.

Gesturing to the envelope, I say, "I went to get those handouts for my review from Kimpee." His eyebrows shoot up in interest. Psshh.. That expression, I know it too well. "He's my senior," I clarify.

"Did I say anything?" He asks grinning.

"Whatever," I say looking away from him.

An hour later, we're on our way to the neighboring city where we will stay in the meantime. The airport is much closer there. My father is driving and my mother is on the passenger's seat. While I am in between Dhiraar and Jamil. Dhiraar fell asleep on the first thirty minutes and is now leaning against me.

Mother notices this. "Dhiraar seems to be having a hard time sleeping. Mal, move closer to Jamil and make him lie down. Put his head on your lap," she instructs. So I did. I noticed that the youngests of the family are always the most precious members. Our family is not an exception.

The next hour, I fell asleep too even though Jamil and I are busy talking. I don't know why don't we ever run out of topic when we're living with each other for a week now. I should be totally getting enough of him. But no, he's rather growing up on me.

I wake up when we're finally in the city premises. I could feel my legs getting numb. Dhiraar has not woken up yet. Jamil's head is as well heavy. Wait, Jamil's head?! I realize I was leaning in his shoulder the whole time. And he fell asleep too with his head on top of mine. Ugh. I think I'm going to have a stiff neck and legs today.

It was already dark when we got to the city. So after having dinner, we proceed to the hotel we checked in and rested for the night. Jamil and I are sharing a room obviously. And there's no sofa bed in vicinity.

He looks at me. "What's your plan?"

"You sleep outside," I say.

He's the one who laughed. He does the otherwise and take over the bed anyway. "You can sleep in your parent's room saying we fought for the night and you can't ever bear to see me."

My eyes grow wide in amazement. "That is a brilliant idea!" I say. "Except that I don't want to be there just to be reminded who's fault is this anyway."

He nods in comprehension. I start to gather the extra pillows and put them on the center. "If you touch a single strand of my hair, Jamil, you're dead!"

We both laugh. "Aye, aye, captain!"

The next day, the family invades the mall. But during the first part of the day, I tag along with my parents for shopping. Of course, I will be gone for six months and I need to shop for new things covering these number of months. And so I don't turn down my parents offer to spend on me today.

In turn, Jamil and Dhiraar wander on their own. The last time I checked on them, they were in TimeZone. Needless to say, they were having fun.

On the last part, around 5PM, Jamil and I are alone due to mother's encouragement on spending quality time with each other since I will be gone for six months. Sometimes, I don't understand her.

But anyway, yeah, we are now slumped in Happy Lemon taking our rest. "You're going to be classmates with Sahara, right? You're both going to medschool..." I say talking about one of my closest friends in high school. I actually have three. Sahara, Jehan and Arifah. Sahara and Arifah are both going to med school but Arifah already went to another med school. While Jehan and I are going to law school. But first we must take the board exam for CPA's. And we're going to be roommates once we're in the capital city. She's already there with her family.

He finishes sipping on his milk tea. "Yes."

"I think I want to go to med school too," I ponder.

And then he frowns at me. "I thought you're going to go to law school?"

I shrug. "Well, I just want to try being a doctor."

"Well, you can go to med school," he co

"Yeah... Arifah told me she had a classmate who's already a CPA. There were others too like Engineers. Like it was their calling to be a doctor too," I say. I watch his reaction when I mention her name but he doesn't bother. Back in High School, he likes Arifah, a lot. And until now. She's the inspiration I was talking about.

"Well, it's never too late to change your mind. You could be my hospital's accountant and also a doctor at the same time," he suggests smiling.

I think about it. "Could be. But I want to be a lawyer too."

He rolls his eyes. "Fine, you can be the hospital's lawyer too."

"But I want to be a Corporate lawyer," I clarify.

"Fine...fine..." he surrenders sounding exhausted at my little demands.

The glass door opens revealing two familiar people stopping us from our little staring-or-glaring contest. I swallow at the sight of them. I want to hide but there's no use now. They already saw me and is now on their way to our table.

The girl smiles at me. I didn't know, but I think it was forced. "Hi, Malleha."

I get up on my feet to give her a kiss on both cheeks. "Hi, Saj." I say.

Her younger brother, Sajid gives me an awkward hello. To which I return with an awkward hello too. Remembering Jamil, I hastily introduce both parties. When I finished, Saj gives a meaningful "Ohhh." I try to smile sincerely. After a small talk, they decided to not stay in the shop and left. Then only I am able to breathe.

"What's wrong?" Jamil asks.

"Remember that night at our house where we had visitors who saw us together?" I say to him.

He tries to recall. I couldn't blame him if the memory was a bit blurry. It was the night that started it all. "There were too many faces," he surprisingly said. "Anyway, why?"

I engage anyway. "Well, they were there actually to...you know, ask my hand for marriage. And the guy was that guy a while ago, Sajid," He nods and gives a meaningful 'Ohh' as well. "Yeah...That's why father had to make a quick decision."

"Hmm. I see."

I nod. "Father had to tell them actually that I'm already betrothed. To you," I say guiltily.

It was a while before he speaks. "Well, if I have a daughter who'd be pursued by two guys - one like me and the other like that guy, Sajid, I'd definitely choose the one like me," he says proudly.

My jaw drops. I throw him the table napkin. "So full of yourself." He laughs it off. Though I know, he was thinking of some other things.

That night, while my mother was packing my new clothes for me, I lay on the bed on my stomach watching what she was doing. "Mama," I call to start, "Jamil and I ran into Sajarah and Sajid earlier."

I caught her attention just as I wanted. "What did they say to you?" Obviously, this was a touchy subject. Her voice was strained with worry and alarm.

"Nothing," I answer. "They didn't stay for long. I was just able to introduce Jamil to them," I explain.

I could tell she was able to breathe fine. I think she was worried about what other people might say about me too, especially Sajid's family.

"Do you think they're mad at us?" I ask.

She frowns. "They don't have any right to do so," she says otherwise. It's my turn to frown. Didn't we refuse their marriage proposal? "In the first place, your father have already refused them telling you already are betrothed yet they still pursued."

"Father lied to them even before?" I ask.

"Not really lie," says my mother. "Your father was already looking for a husband for you. He just doesn't want Sajid or anyone else in their family."

"Why, Mama?" I ask curiously.

Mother shrugs. "Can't tell you. Your father only knows the reason. But I think it could be the reason that that family has this attitude your father didn't like. Of course, your father wouldn't want to give you away to that kind of family. So he had to stall time saying he already betrothed you to someone." Why am I only learning this now?! "You should be grateful that your Papa is friends with Jamil's father even before. And he knows that they are good people. So they talked right away, offered you for his son. They agreed."

"Really?" I ask. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"What should we tell you?" Mother asks.

"Everything?"

"I just told you," she says.

"Mamaaaa," I say whining. All this time, I thought we got married just for the sake of saving my chastity?! I cried for days because of that, you know?!

But I admit, I feel like something heavy is lifted off of me after that. It was a mutual decision between our families after all. It wasn't forced in bad faith. Does Jamil know though? I know we still both think we got married because we got caught together. But what do I care, anyway? Nothing changes.