Chasing Butterflies

Collapse

The morning air was cold and the wind lashed out at the walls of the railway station. It was ultimately this screaming wind that shook Izzy from her slumber.

The clumpy mascara on her lashes made her eyes hard to pry open. The air inside the station was freezing. Izzy was amazed that she hadn't turned into a popsicle overnight. It was stupid of her to leave the apartment without a jacket. It was even more stupid to spend the night in an abandoned railway station. Izzy lay on her back for a minute, staring up at the cement ceiling, her cramped legs tucked close to her chest. She let out a tired sigh and groaned as she pulled herself into a sitting position. The ache in her spine made her teeth grind together. Every part of her body either hurt or felt numb from the cold as she pulled herself upright. This was such a bad sleeping idea.

A weight fell onto her thighs as she sat upright. Izzy craned her stiff neck down to look at what it was.

The turquoise leather jacket lay in a heap, covering the top of her legs. It was slightly worn, a couple of scratches on the otherwise smooth leather. The leather itself was cold but the fabric lining was warm from her body heat. As nice of a jacket as it was, it sure as hell wasn't hers. But who would just throw their jacket on some random girl and leave? Especially with the freezing temperatures this time of year.

Well whoever did it, Izzy was grateful to them. It may have been the only thing that kept her from turning into ice last night. Izzy stood from the bench, tottering on her numb feet, and stretched her arms into the air, hearing her spine crack into place. She pulled the jacket around her shoulders, shoving her arms into the sleeves. It was oversized and smelled faintly like cologne. It was nice.

Izzy shook her head to clear her groggy thoughts. She needed a proper night of sleep. And a shower. And a change of clothes. And a new place to live. She let out a weighted sigh. Where was she supposed to get all of that? The only thing she could do right now is go back to Cassie's place and hope that they had finished their round last night.

Putting one foot in front of the other, Izzy slowly made her way through the city, the freezing wind cutting at her skin. Her hair whipped against her face, it was greasy and she realized just how badly she needed a shower. It motivated her tired limbs to move just a bit faster towards Cassie's apartment. With numb feet and a runny nose Izzy finally clambered up the stairs to Cassie's building. She rang the bell this time, pushing the buzzer for Cassie's dorm repeatedly before the front door opened. At least she knew that they weren't 'occupied' this time. Or maybe her buzzer-frenzy had interrupted them, either way she didn't care.

Izzy pulled herself up the stairs, nails scratching at her jeans. She felt jittery, nervous, and hyperaware of everything around her, eyes darting back and forth across the gray walls. She didn't understand what she was feeling but she wanted it to stop. Izzy reached for Cassie's doorknob, her hand shook as she grabbed hold of the metal and twisted it, pushing the door open.

Jae lay passed out on the couch, torso exposed, an old blanket covering him from the waist down. Izzy had never been so grateful for a tattered old blanket in her life. Just as Izzy let out a nervous sigh, Cassie came bouncing into the living room.

"Hey Izzy girl, what happened to you last night? We found the booze outside the door but you weren't there. Hope you don't mind that we drank without you," Cassie only asked out of false courtesy. They both knew she didn't care if Izzy minded or not.

"Oh my god! Come here," Cassie grabbed Izzy by the wrist and dragged her to the coffee table where a pile of pills big enough to fill a pharmacy lay. "Jae's guy came by last night after you left and brought us some new stuff, you've gotta try it." A couple white pills were shoved into Izzy's hand.

"What is it?" She wasn't asking because she was concerned about the effects of the drug. She asked out of simple curiosity. Izzy already knew that she would down the pills, whatever they may be, because all she wanted was for this panicked feeling to go away.

Cassie scoffed, eyes rolling, "Does it matter what it is?" No. Nothing really mattered to Izzy at this point. Only a few days and she was hooked on anything they shoved her way. So no, it didn't matter.

Glancing down at the little white pills in her hand, they seemed harmless, docile even. How much damage could they really do? Izzy threw the pills back, swallowing them dry. She hoped the effects would kick in soon. In the mean time she was in need of a shower.

"Can I borrow some clothes? All of mine are at my old place." Cassie just nodded in response and led the way to her small bedroom. The walls were a nasty shade of yellow that was chipping away from the drywall. It seemed that nothing in this apartment had any level of value to it. Pulling her dresser open with a screech, Cassie rummaged around in one of the messy drawers.

"Here, these will probably fit you, but I don't know," she gazed hesitantly at Izzy, who was a few inches taller and a dress size bigger. Izzy thought herself to be pretty average, it just happened to be that Cassie was on the short side. "Anyways, the underwear is new so just keep it, and you know where the bathroom is. I'm gonna go order a pizza."

Izzy didn't bother to inspect the clothing and just headed straight for the bathroom. Her body was beginning to feel warm. She didn't think the pills would work that quickly. But she couldn't deny that she was glad they did. She'd do about anything to make the jittery feeling go away, and these little pills seemed to be doing it. Izzy locked the bathroom door behind her and stripped out of her three day old clothes. The faint smell of marijuana still clung to the fabric. She set the leather jacket down carefully on the bathroom counter while tossing the rest of her clothes on the grimy tile floor.

She stepped into the tiny shower space. Turning the rusty knob, Izzy hissed as a stream of freezing water hit her bare skin, she grit her teeth and waited impatiently for the water to heat up. Soon enough the water turned warm and Izzy stood lazily beneath the stream, feeling the drug start to take effect. The drug in her veins felt good. At first.

Then her heart began to speed up. Izzy felt it pounding against her ribs. Her head was fuzzy. Thoughts flashed in and out of her head, competing for attention. Her body felt shaky.

Those pills didn't make the feeling go away. Not at all.

Her breathing turned harsh. Izzy struggled to get oxygen into her lungs. She didn't like this feeling. She stood there, body shaking dangerously as she swayed on her feet. Her eyes pressed shut when the walls started to move and morph into strange shapes. Water hitting the shower tiles sounded like a rain of gunfire.  Izzy's hands clapped over her ears, trying to block out the noise. Her nails were slicing through her scalp but she couldn't feel it. Every limb felt heavy. Every inch of her begged for rest. How could she feel this exhausted but so anxious at the same time? It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense.

Izzy's eyes shot open. The breath she was holding in rushed out and she tried to suck in another lungful, but got water instead of air. A fit of coughs attacked her as her lungs rejected the water that had invaded them. The ringing in her ears became impossibly louder. Her hands fell to her throat, scratching at her windpipe. She couldn't breathe. It felt as if she had swallowed fire and now it was trying to devour her from the inside out.

Still frantically clawing at her burning throat, Izzy collapsed.