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"Oh, Death."
Dreams.
Memories.
Dreams become memories as memories become dreams.
They are never quite what they seem. They are not real and I hate them because they are not real. Despite death having taken me, I was never truly gone. I dreamed of you. I dreamed of us. I dreamed of our family-of mom and dad. I dreamed of you walking me to mom and dad, to our home. I dreamed of the good and the bad.
The taste of buttercups and blood still lingers in my mouth. It is a stale taste, a vague one but nevertheless causes memories to bubble to the surface that have been buried for what seems to be years.
I could barely stand to look at you, standing by my bedside with a cloth towel and a cup of water. Your voice was so soft, like an angel, coaxing me gently to open my eyes, to talk, to breathe, to live.
It was all so much effort.
If I was not asleep, I was sick. I could not get out of bed so the sick clung to me. My insides were turning themselves out in attempt to purge myself of the buttercups and with each purge, I placed more than the last amount of the flower buds into my mouth.
I could not move, not even to adjust my position in the bed. If I were to move, the cramps would tighten and I would cry out in pain. Though, despite the tears running down my pale flushed cheeks, you encouraged me to "laugh the pain away as I had always done before."
And I would.
I would cry behind a smile just for you.
I remember you holding my hand between your two paws as you told me stories mom and dad had told you. Stories of the surface, stories of freedom, stories of a life where monsters didn't have to live underground. I remember you forcing a smile as you handed me the buttercups that would prove to be last I tasted and reminding me that those stories would become a reality soon because despite everything, you never doubted me.
However, I soon fell to ill to be awake. I would never speak to you again, at least, not as myself.
It was a strange feeling to be absorbed, my SOUL left my body in favor of joining yours, but I felt myself thrive with life again.
I had returned.
We walked to the barrier together, you and I, and we emerged on the outside to be greeted by a beautiful view.
My body laid in your arms, our arms, as we both walked onwards to the village.
"Can you see me, Asriel? Do you know I'm here?"
We entered the village, my body was pale-lifeless, and you knelt to lay my corpse down on a bed of golden flowers.
I remember the pain you felt. I remember how you smiled in the face of harm and let the humans continue to attack you. How could you let such a thing happen to you.
It was a horror show. The humans attacked vigorously. I remember screaming at you:
'Fight back! What are you doing?!'
'Fight back, Asriel!'
You ignored me. You turned the other cheek and I remember how my spirit boiled with vengeance and determination as I fought to take control over our shared body. I had to protect you. I had to. You were so stubborn, so kind, so pure. I couldn't stand to see you being harmed!
But, you were in control and had no intentions of letting me win.
I remember how you stumbled back to the barrier, beaten and bruised. Defeated, but not done. Your steps were staggering, your SOUL beat against your chest, slowing down with each breath you took in.
I knew it was the end.
I remember your smile as you approached mom and dad. I remember how you outstretched your arm to them and they rushed forward to catch you, but they were not fast enough, were they?
Your body erupted into dust, coating the garden with a fresh layer of white as if a snowstorm had blown through. Mom and dad wept.
Now through the eyes of another, I watched you.
You have become a monster. A greedy creature with a thirst for blood. This is not the Asriel I know. I reached out for you.
I called for you, but nobody came.
Your attacks were vicious, striking out at the second SOUL of Determination as if killing them would solve your problems but revenge is not the answer. I blame myself for the way things have turned out.
It was my plan to eat the buttercups and that plan has ended us up here.
This was never what I intended. I didn't mean for you to get hurt! I didn't mean for you to die! I didn't want this!
"Asriel, I'm sorry. I am so sorry."
Your motive for killing is irrelevant. Your desire for peace and death is unjustified and I cried your name as I urged the child before me to Save someone else:
'Asriel.'
'Save Asriel. Please.'
The child picked themselves off of the ground, calling your name in an attempt to Save you, and I watched as their calls were heard.
Before us now stood Asriel, my Azzy, my brother.
I watched you through the eyes of another.
I watched you hurt. I watched you cry.
I watched you.
I felt a lurch in my chest, a pain that ran through my entire being that I could not shake as the child took my place and you two embraced because if I were not dead, then I would be there.
"...Asriel..."
You didn't want to live in a world without me and I know I was not the best person, but if I were not dead I would be there to punch your shoulder and tell you to stop being such a crybaby. I would be there to make you laugh the pain away like I always did. I would be a better sibling, a better child.
"I am so so sorry."
If I were not dead, I would be the kind of friend you alway wanted. If I were not dead, I would be there protecting you.
If I were not dead, I would be there for you.
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