Just a Random Blog

Blog post 1

Dear Blog (woah cheesy much)

My name is Callie. Well not really, that's my alias, named after one of my favourite games: Callie's Caves. Even though I know that this blog is going to be read only by me critiquing my writing on my other account, I'm still using a fake name.

It seems that parents are really good at shoving stranger danger crap into your head.

So, right now I'm away from my home country of Australia aka the place where everything wants to kill you. That's kind of true though. We get spiders that are as big as my hand (although my hand isn't that big). Man I hate spiders. One time we were watching the Lord of the Rings and a massive spider was just chilling on the wall behind me. They're big and brown and fuzzy and just crawl around like a freaking Usain Bolt. Search up Huntsman Spiders or watch 'Will Dan and Phil Survive Australia' to get an accurate description of what they're like.

Don't you hate it when someone famous only ever comes to your country once? Yeah. That's my life. I freaked out about Dan and Phil so much when they were coming that their names are automatically corrected to caps lock. It's kind of sad how much I was obsessing. And then they decided to come in a FREAKING TUESDAY, when I was in my FREAKING SCHOOL (sorry for the outburst) ;)

Yeah. If you know me you'll know that I rant. A lot. I once did a 300 message rant about how cute Shawn Mendes is. Man I'm glad that I used Instagram DM instead of text messages, because it would've costed me about fifteen bucks. But that's probably because I don't have a plan. And I don't mean that it's a cheapo plan with like fifty text messages, I mean I don't have a plan. Seriously.

Before I got carried away, I mentioned that I wasn't in Australia. Because right now I'm in the US. Half my family lives in Sunny Cali, except right now it's about 2 degrees centigrade. Let me just say, being Australian in the USA is hard. It's always 'OMG YOUR ACCENT!!' or some stupid question about kangaroos. TBH, why can these people understand that I live in Sydney. In the city. Where my closest relationship with kangaroos is mince in the supermarket.

Yes. We eat them.

I'd really like to decode some of Australia's greatest mysteries for my readers from another country. If you wish to stay ignorant, stop reading right HERE:

'Throw a shrimp on the barbie':

The only time we use that expression is in satire. And we call them prawns, not shrimp.

Alligators:

We don't have alligators. Now before you feud in the comments that 'WHAT DID STEVE IRWIN WRESTLE??!!!' let me goddamn finish. We have crocodiles, four metre long (about 12 feet) masses of muscle that drag you under the water then drown you. We fondly call them 'salties' as we run away screaming in terror.

Bunnings BBQ's:

This is a little less known as a stereotype, but you may've (is that a word) seen a post or two about this. The truth is, they are everything the posts say. If you haven't seen the posts, they say that they are legendary. And that's the gospel truth (haha Hercules reference).

The school system:

Okay. You Americans are lucky. Our school system is so much more complicated and annoying. Firstly, we don't have middle school. Elementary school (although we call it primary school) is kindergarten to year 6, then high school is 7 to 12. Secondly, we have a uniform. My school colours are brown and yellow, and our uniform is a brown tunic/skirt and a brown and yellow jumper. Also, it's a girl's school (scream in terror). Yes, we have no. Relationships. With. The. Opposite. Sex. GASP!! Yeah, it's a hard life.

If you decided to be ignorant, start reading again HERE

Okay now that I'm done with decoding Australian culture, let's get on to the best part of the blog: food (TBH it's the best part of my life)

What's your favourite food? If you say black liquorice or eggplant, please go to the nearest window and FREAKING JUMP OUT OF IT! I'm just kidding, I respect other people's weird choices (gags internally)

I like ice-cream and pizza and iced tea and Starbucks (if they actually manage to spell my name right) and calamari and root beer and s'mores. Although sad fact, good Starbucks, root beer and proper s'mores are really hard to get in Australia, so I have to substitute for Gloria Jeans, sassparilla (gags again) and s'mores with digestive biscuits :(

I know I keep on saying how living in Australia sucks, but really that's not true (DEFINITELY NOT because it's the land of the Hemsworth's *wink wink). In Sydney, there's a beach every 5 meters. I literally live within walking distance of six beaches, including the ever famous Bondi Beach. The city is a 20 min drive and there's shops everywhere. Besides I get to be the cool tanned local kid who knows all the secret cool places where the local people hang out.

Yeah. Australia is a great place.

So I'm gonna finish up here, because my parents are yelling at me to take the blanket off my head and be social. I'm going to try a couple of things as a end of blog post random crap.

Firstly, here's the people who should leave because you'll most likely hate my blog. If you hate aliases, fandoms, the phandom, random YouTubers, gaming, Australia, rants and/or the random thoughts of a teenage girl, then I'm sorry, this isn't what you're looking for.

QOTB (question of the blog): Are you part of the Phandom (if you don't know what this is, it's the Dan and Phil fandom, and if you needed to check this for clarification, then you probably aren't)?

Enjoy your life readers,

Callie ;)