{ This is gonna be an angsty\sad one, so you have been warned }
Memories... so many memories...
They still felt real, as if Yuuri could reach out and pull them back to reality, hazy glimpses of the past brushed past the sharp and bitter reality of now. His body shook with the frigid night air that fanned past Yuuri as he wrapped himself further in the sheets of his bed. Melancholy only made for a deeper, yet restless sleep as he his mind fazed from the night air to the darkness of dreams. He just wanted to escape the memories, however lovely they were, they can no longer be, making them so much harder to forget. But tonight these memories only seemed more vivid in sleep, he knew they were nothing but dreams, yet these dreams seemed more like flashbacks.
The dreams were picturesque and evocative, warm yet somehow cold, desolate..... yet somehow blithely radiant.
He could still remember their first kiss. Viktor had taken him out to a cute little coffee shop, where they sipped tea and talked for hours. The way the little shop had smelled of coffee beans and strong spices, nutmeg and cocoa drifted through the air, giving the ambiance a warm juxtaposition against the frost occurring on the glass window pane just beside their booth. Just as we finished our tea and pastries Viktor had pulled him up from the booth, lacing his fingers with the smaller boy's, and dragged him along to the door. They ran down the cobblestone sidewalk until they had reached a small park just in the middle of town. 'Viktor what are we doing here?' Yuuri had exclaimed, slightly out of breath. 'I just want this to be perfect.' Viktor smirked as he said this, and then swiftly grasped Yuuri's waist with one hand, taking his cheek in the other and smashed his lips into Yuuri's. Rough at first, and then fading into something deeper and softer, lasting forever yet somehow far too short. They both pull away at the same time, panting and out of breath, foreheads leaning against each other. As they both burst out laughing in the cold, night air.
He could still remember waking up in Viktor's bed after their first time together. The sheets that were once neatly made were tangled between the two in a heap of intertwined limbs. Yuuri's forehead lay gently against Viktor's chest, as the smaller boy's hair tickled the Russian mans chin. Arms and legs weaved together under the frantically strewn sheets as their clothes lay dispersed around the room in disarray. And as the morning light began to stream in through the window, in soft, marigold beams, Viktor awoke first. Beginning to stretch, yet stopping before he remembered the obsidian haired boy wrapped around his torso. Viktor had lightly chuckled, remembering what they had done the previous night. And as Yuuri woke soon after they still remained in bed for nearly the whole morning, embracing each others warmth and chatting about nothing.
Its funny how some of the most vivid memories are the most seemingly insignificant moments
He could still remember falling asleep on Viktor's couch as they watched Netflix. He had sat himself in-between Viktor's legs, as the silver haired man wrapped his arms around Yuuri's waist and resting his head atop Yuuri's head. 'What do you want to watch, my love' Viktor had whispered into Yuuri's ear, causing the smaller boy to blush as they chose a movie. Yet nearly halfway into the movie Viktor had noticed small snores coming from Yuuri, as he peeked his head down and saw that he was fast asleep. Viktor smiled and took a blanket that had laid across the top of the couch, and draped it over himself and Yuuri. Listening to the boy's snores and feeling his chest rise and fall, soon lulled Viktor into a light sleep as well. It wasn't till the morning that they woke up, realizing that the TV was still on and they were still on the couch.
He still remembered the New Years Party they hosted when they moved into their new apartment, together. It was mere weeks after they had moved, leaving the place still ridden with boxes, yet Viktor insisted they do it, jumping up and down and begging Yuuri like a child. So he agreed, and the two boys spend the better part of those weeks scrambling to clean the place up, so when New Years eventually rolled around the apartment was spotless and spiffy. And their new apartment was filled with all their friends and family, laughter and joy and they mingled with everyone they held dear. Yet in the chaos of the party the two had barely spent a minute together, caught up in conversations with their family. There were so many people in the apartment that they didn't even have time to push through the crowd by the time the clock struck midnight. Instead of being annoyed, they both just smiled as they locked eyes from across the room. Viktor had mouthed 'Happy New Year, Yuuri' and Yuuri smiled and mouthed it back, blissfully happy that he got to start his new year living with the one person that made him so blissfully happy.
He could still remember picking up Viktor at the airport after he had gone home to visit his family for 2 months. Those two months Yuuri spend alone were hell, he couldn't even make it a day without calling Viktor. They spent nearly every night on the phone with each other, and when the months of agonizing separation drew to a close Yuuri was giddy as a schoolgirl when he got to pick up Viktor at airport. He waited outside baggage claim, nervously awaiting Viktor, twiddling the golden ring on his finger, the one they had exchanged merely 6 months earlier. Suddenly, Yuuri saw a flash of sliver above the cloud of people swarming about the airport. And as if fate had schemed with coincidence to plan the perfect moment, the crowd parted, leaving the Russian man charging towards Yuuri. Yuuri was faster than Viktor however, desperate eyes clawing their way too each other. A flash of onyx hair before the smaller boy jumped into Viktor's arms, jumping on him and wrapping his legs around Viktor's waist. Viktor tightened his grip on Yuuri as they fell to the ground, wrapped in each others arms, frantically kissing and making up for lost time. They laughed and eventually stood up, heading back home, their home.
He could still remember every laugh, every cry, every smile, and every kiss. He could still remember every euphoric, blissfully, desperately, passionately happy moment they had endured together. There were so many memories, too many to forget by sleeping.
Yuuri woke in a cold sweat, he jolted upright, disastrously grasping at the sheets as he cried out, "VIKTOR!" But there was no reply. The bed next to him was cold, he traced his slender fingers along where his lover used to lay, as his hands shook silent tears slipped down his cheeks. He smiled at the memories and never ending tears continued to flow. Smiles however could be deceiving, they could be ones of happiness, or hopelessness. Can you guess which one this was?
Viktor had been gone for years now.
Yuuri still wore his ring.
And it was this night that Yuuri began to ponder,
that the despondent void of death may be better than forever being haunted by memories.
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{AN: well shit that got dark. IM SO SORRY I was gone for so long but the holidays happened and I intend on updating more now :). Because the show is over now tho (for now at least) It will probably be more AU's like this one, but they'll be mainly less angsty than this. If you have an idea or prompt or AU than comment and I'll try my best! I still cant believe i have this many reads already, like holy shit! Thank you all SO SO SO MUCH for reading and I love seeing comments and stuff so THANK YOU AGAIN BYEEE!}
