When Love is Wrong

40. Consideration

We had left Thomas' house and checked into a hotel that very night. We wanted to leave the rooms available for friends and family that came immediately to help with the children, the funeral arrangements, the police investigation, the press. We did stop by during the day and brought food and coffee. We ran errands when needed. At one point, we were asked to stay with the kids in a playroom they had while Thomas and some of his lawyer friends spoke with the police and a states attorney.

"Hey, honey. Do you want to watch something on tv?" I asked Sadie. She had been quite the little adult when I had seen her at dinner just a few days ago. She had been staying very close to Jack being a mother hen. But at my invitation, she crawled into my lap, wrapped her little arm around my neck and tucked her head under my chin. I think I had some similar features and voice as Andrew. I think that may have been why I felt like she was letting me in easily to comfort her. We sat on the couch with her sitting across my lap like a little girl much younger than 9. I wrapped a blanket around us and set the tv to Sponge Bob. She watched with her eyes but it felt like she had her brain shut off. I think this was a relief to her and I was more than happy to let her center.

Scott was playing blocks and cars with Jack in another corner of the room. They were making car noises, screeches and laughing. He was too young to fully appreciate that Andrew would not be back.

Eventually, Sadie closed her eyes and drifted to sleep in my arms.

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The funeral was small, just very close family and friends. I felt like we were a little outside the group but Sadie and Jack felt comfortable with us and they stayed close to us. It freed up the others to deal with the details that needed to be attended to.

Thomas did carry Jack in one arm and held Sadie's little hand and walked to the white casket covered in flowers. Thomas knelt and all three placed their hands on the casket and bowed their heads. There wasn't a dry eye anywhere. As they lowered the casket, Scott and I sang a hymn "It is Well with my Soul."

The killers were found and they did kill him because they hated "f*gs." The State's Attorney offered 15 years in exchange for a plea. It wasn't anywhere close to a sentence for torture and murder but Thomas wanted to protect Andrew's parents and the kids from any press about the reason for the murders that would come out in a trial.

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The next day in the afternoon, we were going back to LA. Thomas asked to speak with us before we left. We met with him in the library.

"First, I want to thank the both of you for everything you've done for my family and Andrew."

We nodded.

"Second, I feel I have to ask if you are both still on board with our plans for PTX and/or your youtube channel or for yourselves. The idea was to slowly and positively introduce two gay men to the PTX fan base. But what happened to Andrew demonstrates the real risks involved. There is a blind hate against LGBT. It cannot be underestimated.

It is tearing me apart that I wasn't able to protect him. I have known many LGBT in my life that met a similar fate although none so brutal." Thomas had been sitting down on an arm chair across from the sofa we were sitting in. He got up and walked to the window to look out. He was getting emotional, a combination of sorrow and anger. He was such a calm and considered man that even the slight show of emotion took my breath away in pity for him.

He turned back to us, "You both need to consider the risks. I want to proceed with helping PTX succeed. But I do not want to move forward on the youtube channel or on finding your inner divas," he smiled a bit on that, "for at least two weeks. I insist on giving you both time. Talk to Avi, Kirstie and Kevin. They deserve to have an opinion on this. Talk to your families and your friends. Don't go into this blind. Please."