When Love is Wrong

41. Pillow Talk

Candace used her people to send not only all of our cool new clothes to LA, but also Scott's extra stuff so we didn't have to check in any luggage at the airport. That was a good thing because the flight was a little unnerving. I guess our new looks were new enough that it invited a few stares. And then put our new looks together and we probably did call some attention to ourselves. Luckily we were traveling from San Francisco to LA. I wonder what our reception will be in some of our more conservative cities that we tour.

When we got to LA, we ate at the Chipolte at the airport, grabbed an Uber home, dropped our carry-on bags at the front door, kicked off our shoes and went straight to Scott's bed, spooned and immediately fell asleep.

When I woke up, the room was dark. There was a slice of light coming into the room from the bathroom. I was on my stomach facing the door. I turned my head and I could see Scott lying on his back, one arm behind his head, the other across his stomach. He had his eyes open and was staring at the ceiling.

"What are you thinking?" I mumbled, my voice still raspy from sleep and my face squished against the mattress.

"What am I not thinking about? I am so grateful I found you, you're home. I keep playing the dinner we had with Andrew, Thomas and the kids in my head over and over again and it breaks my heart. I think about our new clothes and new looks, I am thinking about how you looked blind folded and tied to the bed, I think about ... I think about ..." he said all this quickly and ended with releasing a long breath. He turned to his side to face me.

"I think about how risky it is for you to be a gay advocate or a .. or... or a gay martyr."

"Scott...."

"Mitch, that could have been you. You have the same frame that Andrew had. It could have been you on that fence."

"And you could get hurt or die trying to protect me if there are group of guys."

"But this is my fault. I'm the one who kissed you. I'm the one who told you about the LGBT community."

"And you think I would trade ignorance for what we have? For what we've shared. For a future together whether it be a long one or a short one? You think letting me live my life thinking I'm sick, I'm perverted and broken would be a better life?"

Scott closed his eyes. "I'm just scared Mitchie." He opened his eyes again, "Are you sure? We could just be gay with each other and keep quiet about it."

"Maybe we could have. I might have thought about it more before Andrew was killed. I mean we couldn't do anything to save Andrew or stop it from happening. But we might be able to take a step toward stopping someone else from dying like him. I think Thomas actually can make PTX really big. If we do get to be celebrities, what we do and say might make a difference. If we can, then we should. Right?"

Scott looked at me with an intense look. "Have I told you in the last hour how much I love you?"

"No, you haven't. And I think that's pretty shitty." I smiled.

He reached out to pull my face toward him for a sweet kiss. "You hungry?"

"No."

"How about popcorn and a late night movie. We can snuggle on the couch."

"Absolutely."

"Good."

******************

I couldn't tell you what movie Scott put in. My mind was on overload. The movie was just background noise while my mind tried to figure things out. Eventually though I did fall asleep.

"Mitchie. Mitchie wake up. Let's go to bed. You neck will be sore if you stay out here. Come on."

"No, sleepy," I mumbled.

"Come on, I'll give you a piggy back ride."

Well, that sounded interesting. Scott knelt down and I crawled onto his back and wrapped my arms are his neck and my legs around his waist as he stood up. It was nice. He plopped me on the bed and crawled in and snuggled me.

"Scott?"

"Hmmm."

"Do your parents know you are gay?"

"No, I never told them."

"How do you think they will react?"

"I don't know."

"Did they ever say it was a bad thing or a sin or anything?"

"No. It just never came up. How about your parents?"

"Well, obviously they knew there was something because of the camp."

"Oh yeah, I guess that makes sense."

"But, you know, we've never talked about it. Dad is always worried about my annuals. I think he's more worried about what they might do to me and not so much about me being gay. I think."

Scott pulled me closer to him. "I promise Mitchie, I won't let them do anything to you."

"You can't promise that Scott. I know now there are things I can do, but they are the government. But I don't care anymore or maybe I care but I care more about us and about trying to make a change."

"I love you."

"I love you too. Let's go to Texas. I think we should talk to our families before PTX. They should know anyway."

Scott sighed, "Okay. But whatever they say, we are together forever. Okay?"

"Of course, forever."