Poems For Him

5

When you realized I wanted out.
You begged me to stay.
You fought to save me.
To stop me before I did anything.
For that would be irreversible.

You did save me.
You saved me before by becoming a reason.
But now I forced to block you yet.
I tried to block you out.
Yet you still saved me once again.

But I say this now,
Don't save me next time.
Cause I gave you my word,
But I said I don't know how long it'll last.
I ask for not to save me, cause I know, that if you try to stop me next time I will listen.
Just like I did this time.
I if I try again it's because it's become way too much.
it would be because it's worse than it is now.
And right now this is torture.
I don't want to be here.
But I have no choice.
And I would admit what I'm doing to be able somewhat handle being here.
But if you ever found out you would try to stop me.
It had started as a distraction, really, to forget about the pain in my heart, for at least a little while.
Then it became a reminder that I'm still alive. Cause if your dead you can't feel pain, right?
Now, it's because, I'm still alive, and if I can't leave at least I can have the scars.
Then maybe people will at least see a portion of the scars I hide inside with out me having to use my voice.

I say all of this cause it makes me feel as if I'm talking to you, it makes me feel as if you know.
Even though I know you will probably never even read this.
But I'm used to it.
I've basically been screaming and yelling put to the world what I want you know but you've never heard it.