The Pledge (Jalex)

Chocolate Eyes

For some reason or another, I couldn't shake my thoughts about my appearance away. I didn't think I was ugly per say, but I didn't think there was much about me that made me stand out amongst a crowd. Like if someone were to describe me to someone who had no clue who I was, I figured that they'd have a hard time. I mean, I had dark brown eyes, brown eyes are pretty common. I had dark hair with a few blonde streaks. Okay, maybe the blonde could make me stand out a bit. But I didn't speak out, not even when I wanted to. I just found it hard to give out my opinion when it wasn't asked for.

One thing was for sure though, my manners were pretty good. I always found myself saying 'thank you', 'please', 'may I?' and 'bless you'. I don't even believe in God. I don't want to be more rude or anything. Maybe just more willing to be more honest about how I truly felt about things and people.

Thinking about my appearance and how I was a total pussy when it came to insulting someone, made me feel a bit low. And that went against my pledge. I needed a reminder of what I wanted and why I had changed myself. Reaching under my bed for the worn and torn notebook that resided under my bed, I came across papers or useless lyrics and a shoe. Finally, my hands grasped onto the old red notebook. The cover was covered in various bands initials, lyrics that inspired me, and random doodles.

The notebook opened to the page that I'd dog-eared, so I could find it easier, instinctively. The words were scrawled in my hardly legible handwriting. But I could read it just fine.

12/16/13

Hey. So, I don't usually write things like this, or make any sort of promise to myself because I know I'd just let myself down in some way. But not this time. I'm gonna try as hard as I possibly can to keep this pledge to myself. I've suffered through hell for the past seven years, and I don't want to anymore. So this year, I pledge that I will do everything in my power to be happy. I will live my life for myself and only myself. I will be Jack Barakat. I will laugh with all of my being or not laugh at all. I will smile with all of my heart or not smile at all. I will cherish everything I can. And no matter, under no circumstances will I ever cut or burn my skin ever again, or harm myself in any other way. In this moment, happiness is my journey, and I am it's passenger.

I glanced down at my thigh, which I knew exactly where scars lay, that might lay there for years to come. I took a deep breath and put my notebook back in it's place. I needed that reminder more than I'd like to admit. I may not have been the most attractive soul, but I didn't need to be. I only needed to be myself, and that was it.

___

I was searching around the hallway for Rian, and I couldn't find him. He wasn't waiting for me by my locker like he usually would be. I felt odd and out of place without my buzzcut friend by my side. He finally came over to me, a glazed look to his eyes. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to explain his goofy grin.

"I kissed Cass." Rian told me, breathless. I nodded, approving his gesture.

"Wait, then why aren't you with her? Still kissing her?" I asked him. His eyes widened.

"Oh, well, she had to go. But she was blushing." His grin was growing with each word that passed his lips about Cass. "So, how was shopping with her and May?"

"Boring as hell." I said with a laugh. "They wanted my opinion and I really couldn't tell the difference. But, I now have a date Saturday."

"What? With who?"

"Alex Gaskarth." I told him boldly. His caramel eyes widened even more. Alex didn't go out with a lot of people, he was always surrounded by admirers, but never a girlfriend or boyfriend.