The Pledge (Jalex)

Take Away The Pain

The Dawson's were unbelievably kind to me. None of them pressed the question as to why my parents had kicked me out. Well, no one but Rian asked about it. We'd been in his room and I was texting May, while my phone still worked. Rian had just hung up his phone after being on the phone with Cass for a good half hour.
"Hey, Jack?" Rian asked me as he sat down on the floor, lazily sitting criss-cross. I looked at him, not wanting to be rude. "Why did your parents kick you out? Like the real reason?" He didn't look scared or nervous to ask me this. He sounded calm and curious, as if he were asking what was for dinner.
There were numerous reasons as to why, all of which snowballed until they just had had enough of me. Though I never really had left the house or occupied my time wisely, I was flunking a lot of my classes. Then there was the fact that I was gay. Not to mention that I had stopped going to church. I also refused to get my license after failing a total of eight times. How I dressed was also another factor. The front yard being trashed due to my being was a major reason, but overall, it was only a matter of time.
"Lots of reasons. Mainly, I think they were just kind of done with dealing with me." I told him as I went to text May back.
"And you're oddly calm about that." Rian noted. I tucked my phone into my back pocket, May could wait a few minutes.
"No use in being upset. I understand and accept their decision." I told him. Rian looked at me in utter disbelief.
"Jack, I know you. You're not okay."
"So what?" I snapped at him. "I don't blame my parents for being disappointed in me. I don't blame them for hating me. Hell, I hate me too." Words were spewing from my mouth, none of which were untrue. But they were things I would have preferred to keep to myself. "I don't even like my mom. She's a total bitch. And my dad was never there. In a sense, I was kicked out a long time ago, Rian."
He was quiet and for some reason, that angered me. I was tired of always feeling alienated. Rian opened his mouth, but no words came out. I sighed in frustration. Why had I even bothered speaking?
"I hadn't known you felt that way." Rian was staring at his hands, fidgeting nervously. "Why didn't you ever say anything?" I shrugged.
"I didn't want to burden you, plus, I figured it all had to end, eventually." That wasn't true. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want them to feel guilty if I were to actually end my life. I didn't want anyone to feel pity, because that's the last thing I deserved. Yeah, I had a very small sliver of hope that things do get better, and I held onto that sliver like it was the only thing that could save me. And in a way, it was.
"That scares me, dude, you're like a brother to me. Did you really feel like you couldn't just talk to me?"
"It's not your fault I didn't open up to you. And it's all good. No need to worry about it."
"But you just said you hate yourself."
"Yeah, I do. But what can I do about that? Not a whole lot." Neither of us said anything for a while. I wasn't pissed with Rian. I just didn't want him to feel bad for me. I didn't feel bad for me. I kind of felt like I had all of it coming.

___

I stopped going to a lot of my classes. Mostly because I'd either be beaten up really bad before, or I just didn't feel like going. Sometimes, I wouldn't even go to school. I had lost the motivation to do a lot of things. But I respected the Dawson's rule about curfew and was always home before eight. I found myself wandering around a lot more.
May and I actually talked more, mostly at school because that was the only place we ever saw each other. And my phone service had been officially cut off. May would bring me travel mugs of hot chocolate and frosted animal crackers, because she knew I loved them.
"Jack, you doing okay?" May asked me one morning at school. She'd brought me hot chocolate, but I hadn't taken a sip of it. I nodded. Lie. I wasn't doing good. In fact, I felt like shit about everything, day in and day out. I could feel myself regressing into who I had used to be, and I didn't like t.
"I'm good, what about you?" I quickly deflected any concern from me. I hadn't been eating a lot and been writing a lot more, mostly my thoughts about things.
"I'm fine. It's not the same without you around. Mom's been even more of a fucking bitch." May sighed. "I can't wait to leave and just never come back."
"Hm. Where would you go?" I asked her. She shrugged, a dazed expression crossing her face.
"I want to see the world. Maybe Australia or Brazil." She smiled a little and shook her head. "Knowing my luck though, I'll be stuck here for the rest of my life."
"Positivity is the key to success." I told her. Though I spoke words of optimism, I didn't even buy into my own words.
"Look who's a fortune cookie." May laughed a little and elbowed me lightly. She was one of the very few people who dared to talk to me at school anymore. Rian told me he wasn't avoiding me, but whenever I tried to to talk to him at school, he 'magically' disappeared.
"Eh, I'm going to go to class. I'll see you at lunch?" I asked my sister as I shut my locker. She frowned apologetically.
"No, I have a lunch date with my science partner, Matt."
"Matt? As in Flyzik?" She nodded. "May, he's a fucking douche. You can't go out with him."
"He's not a douche. He's a sweetheart. And just because you don't like him doesn't mean I can't."
"But...You're right. Have fun. I'll see you around." She was right. I couldn't dictate who she could and couldn't date. Plus, I was younger than her, so my opinion was already invalid with her. If she liked him, she liked him. I couldn't stop that if I wanted to. But, it was a bit unfair. How Matt could basically turn my life into a living hell, and then date my sister, while I faced various people who wanted to hurt me just for breathing.
Things had been good at one point, I just had to believe that that would happen again, and maybe it would last longer.

I was skipping fourth period, choosing to hide away in a bathroom stall, that reeked of dried piss, than to go to marine biology. I had my headphones in and some Blink playing off of my iPod, providing me with enough entertainment. Adam's Song had just ended and for a brief moment, I didn't hear any music.
There was scuffling and the sounds of someone being beaten up. I paused my music and took out my headphones. I was on pins and needles for a moment, because what if they found me in here too? They'd beat the shit out of me, no doubt.
"C'mon, guys, fucking stop!" A familiar voice came out, followed by calls of 'faggot', 'homo', 'gay' and 'fucking disgusting piece of shit'. I dared to peek out of one of the slits on the bathroom door in front of me. I covered my mouth with my hand.
"You don't deserve to live!" One of the guys who'd beaten me up a week before said to the guy on the ground.
"Yeah, just die, you stupid little faggot!" Another spoke. I was disgusted at their words. I'd heard those same words spoken to me, but to hear them being tossed around at someone else, it hurt more. After a couple of minutes, the beating stopped and the guys all left, leaving a crumpled guy on the floor. I waited a few seconds before venturing out of the stall to check on him. The guy was crying, a few specks of blood on the floor. I touched his shoulder lightly.
"Hey, dude, are you okay?" I asked him quietly. He had flinched at my touch and sat up, looking at me. My eyes widened. "A-Alex?" His hair was messy and there was a bruise forming on his cheek. I touched it lightly and he winced. His nose had a cut on the bridge of it.
"I'm okay. I'm fine." He mumbled, but I could tell that he wasn't. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly. I could feel him cry on my shoulder, probably bleeding onto my shirt. I pulled back and turned on one of the sinks and started cleaning the blood on his nose, trying to be as gentle as possible.
"Has this happened before?" I asked him. He nodded slowly.
"A few times. But it's not important." He mumbled. I couldn't help myself. He sounded so hurt, so shattered. Maybe he wanted to keep this away from me, because he knew I'd worry about him, just like how he was about me. I kissed him as tenderly as I could.
"It is, and you know it is." I pressed my lips to his lightly. "Talk to me, tell me all what's wrong." I breathed against his lips. Alex shut his eyes tightly, a tear escaped his eye and I brushed it away.
"Everything. I thought I'd be perfectly fine keeping my parents in the dark, but I'm scared, Jacky. I'm scared they'll find out. I saw how your mom treats you. And all of these really shitty things keep happening to you, and it hurts. Those guys, they've only beaten me up a few times, but it's enough." He admitted to me, his voice soft. I could feel his pain, and I completely understood. Yeah, Alex pretended he didn't care about his parents' opinions, he cared much more than I had about my own parents' opinions. "Can we leave this hellhole?" I nodded and took his hand in mine. We both walked out of the bathroom and off of the school campus.

We were lying on Alex's bed, just lying there. Things felt so shitty. But, as I laid next to Alex, it wasn't so bad. Alex really liked to sing, and he'd show me any new songs he'd written, no matter how incomplete or unoriginal they sounded. Right then, he was singing softly, maybe more to himself than for my ears, and tracing his finger across my chest lazily.
"Lex?" I asked him, my voice coming out as soft as a whisper. He looked up at me, his dark eyes meeting mine. I glanced at the bruise, discoloring his face. I touched it lightly, he slightly winced when I did. "What song were you just singing?"
"It's just something I wrote. I don't like the full song, just one verse of it." He said, kissing me. I smiled a little and brought his lips to mine again. Anytime Alex wrote something and sang a part of it, it just filled me with joy. To hear how talented he was. We both were silent for a while, and I thought he'd fallen asleep.
"Hey, Lex?"
"Hm?"
"How are you feeling?" I almost hated to ask, but, I wanted to know. He shifted and snuggled closer to me.
"Like fucking shit." He chuckled a little. "But, with you around, I feel pretty good."
"Really?" To think that I, boring, Jack, could truly brighten someone's day amazed me. Especially when I didn't do anything spectacular but just treated them how they deserved to be treated. Alex nodded, and yawned.
"Yeah. You take the pain away. And I really can't ask you for much more than that."