The Pledge (Jalex)

Spilled

Rian and I hadn't spoken much lately, so when I showed up to school, I was surprised that he wasn't waiting for me. It was a known fact that I really had no other friends. I saw Zack walking by himself, his head down, body huddled in on itself. I tapped him on the shoulder and he yelped out in surprise.

"Oh, uh, hi, er, Jack. H-How're you?" Zack stammered out to me. I smiled a little at him. I understand his anxiety around others. That same reason was why I had only one good friend.

"I'm good. Have you seen Rian?" I asked him. He shook his head.

"N-No, but you shouldn't b-be looking for Rian, but rather, uh, Matt." Zack mumbled. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Why?"

"Just do." He looked up at me briefly before ducking his head back down again. "I have to go now. Have a nice day." He scurried away from me, leaving me more confused than I had been. Me and Matt weren't close. I barely knew the guy. He preferred the more athletic things and I preferred the things that got my creative juices flowing. Whatever. Perhaps, whatever Zack was talking about would show itself soon enough. Because, I'm lazy as fuck, and didn't feel like searching for the problem.

Everything seemed fine, normal even. No on bothered me, just like normal. Nothing odd happened. And I didn't see Matt whatsoever. Rian caught up to me at lunch. His food neatly packed in plastic rectangles of varying size. He sat across from me and flashed me a quick grin.

"Hey, dude, what's up?" He asked me. I shrugged, no food was in front of me, mostly because I lacked an appetite until the worst of times.

"Nothing much, what about you?" I asked him back, politely.

"I'm assuming you know May's having a party this weekend, right?"

"Yeah. I'm not going."

"Why not?"

"I just don't feel like it. Plus, I have a date."

"With Alex?" Rian asked in a sing-song voice. I rolled my eyes at my best friend.

"Yeah." I told him, a grinning spreading like wildfire across my face.

"So, you like him?"

"Yeah." I could feel how goofy I probably looked. "I really do." Though I really did like Alex, I was scared of ever actually falling in love with him. There were numerous reasons why I wasn't very close to a lot of people. I wasn't antisocial. It just made a lot of sense to not get too attached to anyone. Mostly because the moment you do, they leave. And then they take your heart with them. So, why not avoid the heartache and just not get close in the first place. It made sense to me.

But some people enjoyed falling in love with others. Though they knew it wouldn't last, they fell in love, because they loved the feeling. They loved how they could fall so hard and then be left so broken. Shattered to dust. Something very addicting and traumatizing about it, I guess. But in a way, they were made so happy by the thing that would, in the end, crush their heart and happiness with no remorse or mercy.

I'd never been in love. It scared me to shitless. Allowing your heart, mind, and body to be so open, open enough for someone to hurt you...it's scary. I know I'd be incapable of actually showing those sorts of feelings to someone. I had enough trouble showing someone I liked them. Let alone anything deeper. I don't quite understand love. It's a bit disgusting if you think about it. Because, in the end, it won't last forever. Don't get me wrong, love is great, for those who live off of it, but it will eventually end.

"Well, me and Cass are going. She's super excited about it." Rian spoke, breaking my train of thought. I blinked, slowly returning back to earth. A flash of Zack's face that morning flashed in my mind. Reminding me, that something had happened.