Enchantment of the Bow

Chapter Sixty-Three

Jed's Point Of View

The wedding party is loud. Even from the rooftop, I can hear the music and the laughter as they resonate together and  ascend into the darkness of night. She had gotten married several hours ago in the afternoon, and it is now nearing midnight. With so much noise, I can imagine Lyra's watchful eyes darting around the grand room as they search habitually for threats, flashing a tired smile when she meets anyone's gaze while scanning the crowd. She is smart enough to know that alcohol and festivities can impair anyones judgment, so she is careful to keep her guard up when amidst the crowd of partygoers. Then again, this is her own wedding party. Perhaps she will loosen her collar a little and forget her Mercenary-like tendencies. 

My chest aches and my brow has been pinched together since the ceremony ended and the party began. The whole Kingdom must be here to celebrate their beloved Princess' special night, leaving me to wonder at the security of the gates and village. I try to ignore the thought, attempting to convince myself that it wouldn't matter if someone did sneak in. The castle itself is like an iron fortress at the moment, with Guards lining every wall with vigilant eyes. And besides, the Princess in not so defenseless, herself.

 I have no doubt that she looks gorgeous. I did want to be there for her, as a close friend, if nothing else, but since I look at her in a way that no brother would, I simply could not attend her wedding. I could not see her breathtaking smile and tired, yet always sparkling eyes, as they gazed at someone else. I could not bring myself to look upon her, dressed like an angel in white, when I have come to know her as less than delicate. I could not, for all of the life in my veins, be strong enough to see her walk down the aisle, when the man waiting for her at the altar was never going to be me. 

Though I could not do that for her, the least that I can do is watch over her, if only from afar, as an unnoticed phantom on this chilled night, perched high above the world like a gargoyle. She has the entire Royal Guard in the same room with her tonight, and she has him by her side, as well. Lyra is in no danger- she has so many people willing to risk their lives for her safety, and yet, I am here. Why am I here? I know the answer to that quite well, though I keep asking it. I am here, because I am too great a coward to look her in the face again. I am here, because I am afraid that I will no longer be the person that she wants me to be. I am here, because I am worried that if I went down below, I might lose myself in anger and envy. I do not want her to see me as the green and bitter creature that I am now.

I shake my head and press my lips against my leg, which remains drawn to my chest while it's twin dangles freely over the edge of the castle's keep. I have been in this position long enough to make my bones ache, but I don't move, allowing the cold to numb my pain. I know that she is safe and I know well how deeply she wounded me. I know that I should hate her, or that I should feel bitterness towards her, but I do not. I cannot. I am angry and more than a little bit hurt, but I cannot bring myself to care any less about her. I wish that I could hate her, that I could turn away and never look back to see if she regrets not choosing me, but I simply can't. I wish, more than anything in this world, that my unrequited affection for her would shrivel and die like a sun-baked worm, but it doesn't. I wish the agony would leave me, leaving me cold as stone and taking all the twinges of desire with it. 

"She won't be missing you?" I ask, breaking my silence and allowing breath to escape from my mouth in a white cloud. I am glad for the distraction of company, so that my mind has something else to focus on. I don't have to turn my head to know that Kaladin looms motionlessly behind me, despite not having made a sound upon his arrival. His ivory attire stands out too starkly in the dark to conceal himself very well, and he is the only other person that I know of who could climb here. After all, he is the one who taught me to do so, therefore, it makes sense that it could only be him.