Bullied Into Depression

Depression

After having to walk home in the rain I finally got home and was ready to cry all weekend. I walked into the house and my parents were arguing again. I don't know how one of them hasn't left yet. I went to go get a quick snack before I went upstairs. I went into the kitchen and got out a plate from the cupboard. While I was looking for bread in the pantry, I heard my mother scream and break glasses. I tried to ignore it and still looked for the bread.

"That's it! I'm done! We are getting a divorce!" I heard my mother scream as she ran up the stairs and closed her bedroom door insanely loud. I finally found the bread and walked out of the pantry. There was glass on the floor and my dad was standing there with a mad look on his face. "I thought she was never going to leave." said my father. He seemed happy. I didn't know how to feel but I knew I wasn't going to be okay. My mother always made really good cookies, always took us out to eat, took us on expensive vacations, and gave us the best hugs.

I tried to forget about what just happened and made my sandwich and went upstairs into my bedroom. I had no homework so I could do whatever I wanted. I decided to go onto my laptop and watch YouTube videos. I usually watched DIY videos, or gaming videos, or people like Tyler Oakley. Tyler Oakley was one of my favorite YouTubers.

I clicked on a gaming video... It was actually a livestream and I decided to watch it until it ended. After watching the livestream for 34 minutes my father walked into my room. "Noah, Thomas, Casey, and I are going to the park. We will be back later." my father said to me. I replied with a quick, "okay bye." And he closed my door and left my room.

My mother had left too. And Ashley wasn't home from work yet. Ashley worked as a Walmart employee. I loved going to Walmart and seeing her there, it would always make me feel happy. So basically I was home alone. After watching the livestream for another 30 minutes I heard people yelling outside my house.

I set my laptop down on my bed and walked over to my window. I moved the curtains and took a look outside. There was about 20 kids just standing and pointing at my house. They starting throwing eggs, and shouting things like, "haha that retarded kid Joy lives here!" also things like, "Joy is such a dumb ass name!" I walked away from the window and grabbed my laptop off my bed. I decided to sit in my closet and cry.

I cried for about 2 hours before I heard the garage door open. Someone must of gotten home. I wiped the tears off my eyes and sat up and got out of my closet. I walked to my desk and sat my laptop on the table. I paused the livestream and walked out of my bedroom. I decided to take a shower to get rid of my anxiety.

I went back into my room and into my closet to grab some clothes. I picked out a blue shirt which said, "I love SpongeBob" on it. And then some brown pants. When I walked back into the bathroom I shut the door and locked it. I looked up at myself in the mirror. I moved my hair out of my face and looked at myself for a few minutes. I had short black hair and some acne... But I looked like everyone else. I don't see what was different about me. Well yes I am transgender and I am bisexual but there are a lot of kids like that at my school. 

I tired to forget about everything that has happened so far when I was taking my shower. I took a 1 hour shower and then went downstairs to make dinner for everyone. Everyone had gotten home by now. My mother wasn't there but everyone else was.

It was about 6:45 and I was starting to make the spaghetti. While the spaghetti was cooking I put out bowls for everyone on the table. Everyone was watching SpongeBob on the couch. Thomas kept laughing and it made me laugh. I finished the spaghetti and put it into everyone's bowls. We all sat down and talked about our mother leaving at the dinner table.

I ate all my spaghetti before my father even started talking about my mother. I had gotten up several times while he was talking to get more spaghetti. I loved spaghetti. It was my second favorite food.

My mother got back home after dinner. Everyone in the family but her was watching TV on the couch. I was watching too. We were watching a cooking show. My mother yelled at my father as she walked up the stairs. She was packing her bags to leave. After an hour she came downstairs with all her stuff in like 4 suitcases. She didn't even say goodbye to us as she left and slammed the front door. She didn't care about us I guess. I felt like shit, so I got off the couch and went upstairs.

I ran upstairs and into my room very quickly. I shut the door and locked it. I completely broke down on my bed. I didn't know what to do anymore. I resorted to going and listening to rock music. It was my escape... I listened to rock music for 4 hours. I realized that it was 1AM when my playlist of rock music had ended. I went out of my room and looked around. Everyone was asleep in their bedrooms.

I walked down the stairs very quietly. I went into the kitchen and got out some paper towels, a knife, and 4 bandaids. I went into the bathroom, which was right next to the kitchen. I closed the door and locked it. I took my own life... I pushed the knife through my pale skin. It hurt. I cried. I cleaned the blood away with the paper towels. I put 2 bandaids over my left arm where I had just cut.

I didn't want to live anymore.

I was done.