Bullied Into Depression

Cuts

After sitting in the bathroom for 20 minutes I walked out and cleaned off the knife. I decided to clean it for 10 minutes just to get all my dried up blood off of it. I was disgusted by the blood. It was the first time I had ever cut.

I put the knife back in the drawer after cleaning it to where it looked super shinny. I went back upstairs and into my bedroom. I closed the door behind me and locked it. I decided to make a new Instagram... An Instagram where I could talk to people who were like me. I make a depression/suicide page. I posted a few pictures of my cut and had already gotten 23 followers. I had fallen asleep after reaching 30 followers in 2 hours.

I woke up to the sound of my phone buzzing. I went onto my phone and saw that people were Direct Messaging me. I opened one of the messages.

Direct Message:

Jack: Hello, my name is Jack.

Me: Oh hi. My name is Joy.

Jack: I just discovered your page and I'm just like you.

Me: Really? Are you transgender like me? Are you bisexual like me? Are you depressed like me? Do you cut like me...?

Jack: Yes in fact I am transgender. I used to be Jessica and now I'm Jack. So yeah I was a girl before like you were. I read your bio, that's why I know all this. And also I am pansexual not bisexual. And yes I do have depression and yes I do cut.

Me: Oh. I never got to change my name. It's always going to be Joy I guess.

Jack: I see. I see. Do you want to be friends?

Me: Yeah. I would love to be friends.

Jack: (: So where do you live?

Me: I live in New York City. How about you?

Jack: I live in New York too! But I live in Albany.

Me: Wow.. We could like meet up someday.

Jack: That would be fun! But I want to get to know you a little bit more first... What's your favorite color?

Me: Black and blue. What about you?

Jack: I like red, yellow, and green.

Me: Niceeeeeeee... How old are you?

Jack: I'm 14. You?

Me: I am 13.

Jack: When is your birthday? Mine is August 1st.

Me: My birthday is February 5th.

Jack: Cool. Hey I gotta go to the park for a baseball game. Talk to you later?

Me: Yeah definitely. I'll text you later. Bye (:

Jack: Bye (: <3

I immediately got a big smile on my face. I still had depression from the bullies at my school but Jack seemed like he could make me happy like no other person could.

I set aside my phone and got up out of bed. It was 11 in the morning and I needed food. I also had plans to go shopping at Hot Topic. I went to my closet and pulled out a long sleeve black shirt and black joggers. I put my clothes on and put the clothes I wore to bed in the laundry. I went into the bathroom to fix my hair. I combed it and put a black snapback on. Everything was black. My hair was black. My eyes looked black but they were actually a really dark brown.

I went downstairs and Ashley was making pancakes. They smelled so good. Thomas and Casey were sitting at the table waiting for the pancakes to be done. I walked into the kitchen and said the usual "Goodmorning." Thomas got up off the chair to give me a hug. He smelled like my colone. I forgot to put my colone on but I could do that after I eat breakfast.

The pancakes finished and I ate all of them and cleaned my dish and then ran upstairs. I went into my room and put my colone on. I grabbed a white jacket out of my closet just because there was a 70% chance of rain today. I was going to walk to the mall since it was only a few blocks away from my house. I wasn't going with anyone else either. I went to my bathroom and brushed my teeth and put on my glasses.

I quickly walked down the stairs and said, "I'll be back in a few hours!" to my sisters and Thomas. I went out the front door and headed to the mall. I had brought a pocket knife along with me in case anything was going to happen.

When I got to the mall I saw some of the people that laughed at me from school. Luckily, I had a hat on that was covering most of my face so they couldn't tell that it was me. I walked down a little ways and then into Hot Topic. I went over to the Twenty Øne Piløts clothes and bought two shirts. After leaving the store I decided to just walk around for a bit since I had only been in the mall for around 30 minutes.

I walked around for about 45 minutes until something happened. I saw Tony and his 'crew'. They were talking to some popular girls until they turned and saw me. They saw my face. I turned around and walked the other way. I heard their shoes stomping on the tile floor just a few feet behind me. I heard Tony laughing at me. I took out my phone and then started to walk faster. I put my ear buds into my ears and listened to TØP to get rid of the awkwardness and the nervousness.

All of a sudden I was pushed down by Tony. He had thrown his whole body against me which made me fall flat onto my face. I took the ear buds out of my ears and turned my head around. There he was. Laughing at me. My glasses had been dented... There was a crack in the left lens. I got up and said to him, "what's your problem? What in fucks name did I do to you?" I pushed him back as hard as I could. "Ha you did everything wrong kid. You're alive so I gotta get rid of ya." Tony said. I didn't understand what he was saying so I stood there and thought about it.

While I was thinking I was pushed back down again by one of Tony's friends... How could you even be friends with such an awful person like Tony? I got up and picked up all my other things I had dropped and ran to the nearest bathroom. I ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I heard pounding at the door and the voices of Tony and his friends.

I locked myself in a stall and took out my pocket knife. I began to cut a long way through my skin. I cried so much... The pounds at the door didn't stop so I jumped out of the window. It was on the first floor so I couldn't of died... I should of used the bathroom upstairs and then jumped out that window... I would of died and then I would be happy.