Reconnect: The Story of an old flame

Part 1: What happens in therapy...

"What happens in therapy..." Dr. Alejo began but I just chuckled and shook my head.

"I know, stays in therapy." I replied, thinking of the phrase which was so easily applied to various situations.

"Well, I hope not. I hope that all the progress we've made so far is something you can use in everyday life and not just here." She said, leaning back in her chair.

"Progress? I've only been here four times." I said, wondering if that was really enough time to make progress. I sat across from her, on a small but comfortable sofa. Chatting with her was so easy, it felt more like I was gossiping with one of my girlfriends than actually going to therapy.

"Of course you've made progress. You know, Sara- when you walked in here crying a few weeks back I knew that you had a lot of deep rooted issues we would need to sort out. I wondered 'what could be causing this young person so much emotional distress?'. I like to think you like me and that made it easy for you to start disclosing. The more you tell me, the more progress we make." She said, flipping her long blonde hair behind her head.

It's true- I did really like her. I liked the way she dressed. It was odd but elegant and I liked the way she decorated her office, the tiny corner on the opposite end of town from where I lived. Like I said, talking to her was so easy and at the moment, so vital to me.

"You'd be surprised how much of what you say I apply to my life already." I said, thinking about how from the very first session I'd already begun to reflect.

"I'm glad to hear. You're a smart woman, very. I think you came in here not just looking for help but ready and willing to get it. That's why therapy is working for you. So- I'll see you week after next?" She said, turning to her notebook and looking for a free spot.

"Yes, can we do the same time?" I asked as I stood and stretched. I was half a foot taller than her and so I always feel like a giant in that room.

"Sure." She said, walking me towards the door. It was dark and the building was almost completely abandoned. I was always her last appointment of the day and we always ran over our time by at least half an hour. In another world, we could be friends.

"Thank you, Dr. Alejo. You have no idea how helpful these talks are." I said with a smile- a definite difference to how I felt when I walked in earlier.

She smiled back as she held the door open for me.

"My please. Enjoy your weekend, Sara. Make it a good one so you can tell me all about it after Thanksgiving."

I waived as I walked out onto the dark parking lot and got into my car. Thanksgiving was next week and the clinic would be closed and I would have to wait longer than usual to meet with her. This was fine, unlike the first day I came in, I no longer felt like I was dying and although it was still a difficult time- speaking with her about it gave me the piece of mind I needed to cope.

If you're wondering what a successful, 30 year old woman with a healthy support system int he form of friends and family could be going to therapy for, the answer isn't too hard.

I have deep rooted abandonment issues, suffer from emotional distress and depression, and I am currently managing the loss of an 8 year old relationship. We broke up only a month ago and although it had been a long time coming and I'm the one that made the choice- loosing someone you love is never easy. Eight years.

I should also note that I have a tendency to gravitate towards abusive partners. I've only had two relationships before- both with aggressive, controlling people- just my style. You see I like control. Dr. Alejo and I spoke about that too. She called me on it the first time we spoke. I'm a unique type of control freak- if I can't have control in my life, I like to have someone take absolute control for me. Sounds like a I'm crazy, huh? I probably am. My ex and I used to have this discussion all the time, in the most reasonable way. We would examen my behaviors and attitude and we came to the conclusion that I really am crazy.