Prince and I had spent the rest of our Saturday in his room eating any kind of junk food and listening to some of Andre's vinyl records. Since it was just the two of us after Mrs. B went to work we didn't want to get into anymore trouble after she verbally beat us after she found out about our fight. It was nice that nobody was around because we can actually sit and listen to music and have deep intellectual conversations about the meaning behind the song. Some conversations had gotten so deep to the point that we would just be lost in words for hours. I liked it this way because it gave us a chance to really pick each other's minds about what we were feeling and thinking. There have been a few times when I've almost told him about my true feelings for him but stopped myself before I made a complete fool of myself. Sometimes I questioned if telling him would just be much better than holding on to this stupid secret. This is just frustrating. If I tell him then I run the risk of making our friendship awkward and chasing him away. If I don't tell him then he'll never know and I may lose him forever to someone who doesn't know and understand him the way I do. I feel like I shouldn't be falling for Prince this way. It's feels wrong but at the same time it feels so.....right! Everything about him was like a sweet piece of art coming to life. The way is smile would make me feel all warm inside. How is eyes lit up in the natural lighting of the world around us. How each and every muscle in his arms would move ever so slightly. From the touch of his hands to the sound of his voice made me feel things that I've never felt until the school year started. I don't know if it's the change in the weather or the change in my heart that has me feeling this way but I don't want to lose any of these feelings. The only way to keep that is if I just face my fears and tell him. As the next song began to play Prince was practicing on his guitar some new chords when I swallowed my pride and began to get my thoughts in order. The best way to do this without running him off is to just break it to him gently. I watched as he tinkered with the strings getting a new sound out that pleased his ears until he finally met my gaze with a warm smile.
"Didn't like it?" He asked referring to the new note he just played.
"Hmm? Oh! No! It was fine!"
Come on Mouse stop playing around and just go for it! Breathe deep and talk to him.
"I can tell there's something on your mind. What's up mama?"
Alright Regan. Door's open. Just walk right through.
"Prince? Can I ask you something?"
"Sure! Anything!"
"Ok.....so.....say you have a friend. Annnd you like this friend....like REALLY like this friend. But you don't wanna say shit because you don't wanna fuck up the friendship. But the friend is diggin' on somebody already and your happy for them but at the same time you wan them all to yourself. How do you tell them that you like them without making things weird between them?"
Well.....it's out there. All I need is for him to give me an answer. Prince put his guitar down and sat back on his bed. I can tell the wheels in his head were going nonstop with what to say. I was beginning to feel my body get really hot and my palms were clammy. My heart was pounding hard against my rib cage and my mouth was hotter and dryer than the Sahara desert. Fight or flight was definitely starting to go into overdrive at this point. The longer I waited for him to respond the more scared I became. The room was starting to spin around me and suddenly all the blood flow to my brain was non existent. Just as I was about to black out Prince finally said one word
"Oh!"
That's it. That's all this idiot could say. Now my emotions went from wanted to run to wanting to hit him. What kind of reject answer was that? I almost completely told you that I like you and all you can give me was the the most generic man answer you could think of? SERIOUSLY? The angry huff of hot air that I blew from my nose was just enough to make him rethink and try again.
"Well......I guess.....maybe you should just come out and say it. There's really no need for mixed signals or hidden messages. You'd be better off getting it off you chest and finding out how the other person feels not before you get dragged along into something that you really weren't meant to have. Honestly I think it's a good idea!"
My brain has officially gone numb. Did he just say that me saying something was a good idea? I was nearly stuttering and tripping over my words now because there was nothing I could say to make sure that this was the real deal.
"I.....I'm sorry.....did you just-"
"Yes Regan I did just give you good advice. Not all men think with their manhood. Some of us do use our brains."
"S-so.....you're ok with this?" I asked him nervously as my heart sped up its pace again.
"Yeah! Why wouldn't I? I think it's the best thing you've admitted to since we've known each other!"
The feeling of relief that flowed over me like an ocean wave on a summer afternoon was strong and warm. I was never more comfortable and confident about coming clean to Prince about my feelings before. This was definitely a whole new world of emotions that I just floated into and it was good.
"So then nothing between us will change? Everything will be just like it is?"
"Hell yeah it will be! You should tell Andre tonight after the show how you feel about him."
My eyes popped open wide and I almost choked on my own upcoming sentence. Prince just completely missed the whole point of this conversation.
"Do......what now!?!?!?" I try to say normally without sounding like a confused moron.
"Well isn't that what we're talking about? You're finally gonna stop bullshitting how you feel about Cymone and tell him. I think it's great!"
Prince stood up from the bed and was about to walk out of his room when I shot up from the floor faced his direction and just said it absentmindedly.
"I don't like Andre Prince it's you!"
And there it was. Prince was frozen solid at the door with his hand just inches away from the door knob. I could hear my own heartbeat in my ears loudly as I kept my eyes fixed on him. Prince slowly turned his head to me with his eyes piercing my soul in confusion.
"What......did you say?" He said in a deep ominous tone.
For the second time it flowed from my lips as if I had been practicing this same line for weeks.
"I like you Prince."
Prince turned his full body toward me and the two of us were engaged in an awkward stare down. I had nowhere to run and since he was at the door I couldn't just push passed him because he would stop me. I guess there's no turning back now. Time to face this treachery head on.
