Beautiful Memory

Chapter 3 Beautiful Memory

Outlooks and Opportunities

When I woke up, I was in my room. The fuzzy red lines of my digital clock were unreadable till my eyes refocused; it was 3:17 p.m. I got up and my head was pounding like if someone bashed me over the head with a hammer. The memories of the day before slowly came back, the church, my dress, the people looking at me with pity, Andrew in a car crash, Andrew dead. Was it all a dream, or better yet a nightmare? No, it seemed too real.

I shuffled into the living room; my gleaming white dress had been swapped out for a pair of grey sweats and a comfortable white tee shirt. I passed by the framed pictures on the wall and tried to ignore the pictures of me and him. Then there it was my favorite picture of us at the beach. I was wearing my new white bikini, and he was wearing his red swim trunks. We were at the edge of the water, hand-in-hand, looking into each others eyes. He couldn’t be gone.

Why was he taken from me? So early- his good hearted soul, his warm smile, he was gone. He wouldn't want me to just give everything up; he wouldn’t want me to cry. He’d say something like, “Chin up love, it gets better.” Just hearing his familiar voice in my mind sprung a leak in my tear ducts.

 I angrily wiped the tears, but it didn't stop my lip from quivering. Just then my stomach grumbled, right on cue. I entered the kitchen and legal pad paper was taped to the fridge with my mom’s distinct handwriting. “Alicia, you fainted yesterday, but the doctors discharged you early since there was minor damage. Leftovers are in the fridge, please call us back when you wake up. We need to discuss some arrangements for Andrew’s funeral... I know this is hard for you baby, but stay strong we’re all here for you. Love, Mom and Dad.”

Arrangements for Andrew’s funeral; that made everything the more real. I took out the leftovers, spaghetti and meatballs, and heated it in the microwave. My stomach felt empty and my throat felt swollen like I had swallowed ocean water. I gripped the counter and breathed hard. How am I going to take care of our baby without him? He left us behind, left me behind… I can't live like this.

If everything's going to remind me of him, then I don't know what I would do. Seeing his pictures, the spot on the couch he’d hog up, the empty side of the bed, his memory was already haunting me. The only thing I need to remember is to keep my baby safe; the only link I have left to him. Even if it grows up without a father I will strive for my baby to have a loving environment. The microwave beeped and at the exact moment an idea formed in my mind.

Before my dad got a job here in Laguna, we lived in Atwood, Georgia. A small town, the kind of town where everyone knew each other and you’d be in school with the same people every year and the teachers knew just about everyone in your family. I thought it would be the best place for me and my baby. I grew up there, it was the best place in the world to me, plus I needed a change in environment. After gobbling down my food, I rushed to the computer and arranged for the move. I called up my parents and as soon as I slipped in that I wanted to go back to Atwood they rushed over and my doorbell rang in no time.

"Hey sweetie, how are you doing?"

"We need to talk to you about this, are you sure?” leave it up to my straightforward dad.

I just muttered, "Sit down.”

We walked into the living room and sat on the couches.

"Honey when you fainted it scared me to death. Do you remember everything? Did you take some aspirin? I changed you out of your dress, the doctor said you were just shocked and that you needed rest. When did you wake up?" my mom said rapidly.

"Where is he?" I uttered. All of us had glossy eyes and I’m sure I looked like hell. My dad sighed,

"He's at the McCormick and Son Mortuary. The funeral's at the end of the week."

"Wow that's really fast…"

Now snot was running out of my nose mixing with fresh tears. I couldn't help it. I wanted to scream, to yell and cry and maybe even hit a wall or two but I suppressed my hysteria. They hugged me and soothed me, but I knew that it wouldn’t be “okay”.

"We'll pick you up on Saturday. We were going to meet up with the Lincolns later, if you want to join, we just came to check up on you.”

“What makes you want to go back to Atwood? You have a life here, it’d be crazy to go out there on your own we’d rather you stay here and be with us” my father said.

“There’s nothing here for me dad. It hurts too much to see everyone and to look at everything that he left. I can’t deal with it, and I feel like I need a better environment for the baby. Aunt Maggie is there, I’m sure I could call her up and she’d help me with everything. Its not forever, I just need some time away from here…”

My parents didn’t look convinced, but they knew they couldn’t change my mind. They left after promising that they’d help me no matter what, and I was left alone.