namjoon was stood face to face with me once again. his skin was glowing against the sun and his hair was lighter than how i'd last seen it. no matter how or when we'd meet, i still found myself at peace when seeing him. i certainly will never be able to pinpoint if this was a weakness or strength of mine but it was only able to occur to me that it was because it was him. no one else could make me feel this way.
he scratched his head and took a deep breath before he took a step towards me. his fingertips softly caressed my cheek with his forehead rested gently against mine.
"areum i've missed you. i've hurt you a lot haven't i?"
i desperately wanted to resist his touch but i could not bring myself to resent him nor could i allow myself to push away from the warmth of his skin against mine. as much as i would have never wanted it to happen, namjoon did hurt me.
"do you know how long i waited for you? you took so long namjoon." i started hitting his chest as tears imminently brimmed from my eyes.
"there is no apology that is going to make up for hurting you areum. i'm sorry for always keeping you in the dark. everytime i found the courage to take a step towards you, i eventually ended up growing even more afraid. i live in a completely different world to you. one day i'm at one place and the next day i'm at another. i go days with no sleep and i'm restless which is why i often feel stuck in between crossroads but it was with you where i found peace. of course i'm not saying you were just my source of escape, in fact, i found myself wanting to be face to face with you whether i was happy or sad. everything that was going on in my life big or small, i wanted you to know. i wanted you to know everything about me as much as i wanted to know everything about you but to have you caught up in my mess was something that i thought would hurt you but i realise now that leaving you only left you hurting more. part of me wanted you to hate me so you could easily move on but as days went on without you, i wanted nothing more than to be with you. my life is constantly moving and i've seen a lot of things but right now, i only see you areum. i'm going to take the risks that i couldn't take before and i know it's very late but i know my feelings for you are genuine. all though i don't deserve it at all, i hope you would want to come back with me and be like how we used to be - taking pictures, listening to each other rant and annoying the shit out of each other but this time not as someone who works for me but as someone who is always by your side. i acknowledge that it will never be the same as before since i've done nothing but hurt you but i will try my hardest to gain your trust back again. all i know is loving you areum. i love you, i'm sorry."
namjoon loved literature and often romanticised his thoughts but in front of me he portrayed himself as a tough character. it was my first time hearing him speak so exposed of his emotions and my first time in an unfeigned process of trying to understand someone's sentiment.
i smiled as i lightly placed my arms over his neck, not once did his eyes leave mine. i had once wished that he would look for me, i'm grateful he did.
"well i'm actually thinking about taking a break from photography and that just made me cringe really hard plus i don't want to be with- "
namjoon chuckled as his hands wrapped around my waist and now we were weirdly hugging in the middle of the park and i really wanted to let go of him and say that i'm independent and shit but he was so warm and cute. i really missed him.
"how can you say that was cringy? i worked so hard trying to come up with something cool and original. it was either this or jin's weird ass jokes."
"gosh if you were gonna say some of jin's jokes i might have kissed you by now."
namjoon rolled his eyes and pecked the tip of my nose.
that afternoon, we talked for hours on end and took pictures like we would usually do. despite the similarity of our routine, the difference was held in the fact that i didn't feel like i was entitled to doing it simply for the sake of my job but just because it was something we always did together. namjoon walked me home after we endlessly conversed about our future plans and the scene of the sunset followed us too.
upon arriving home, i checked my phone only to be flooded with endless messages from my friends. confused, i scrolled through my instagram and clicked on namjoon's profile to which i'd been tagged to more than a thousand times.
it was a picture of us.
"angry bitch but my favourite bitch 🌊🤒😉😭🍆💯."
i laughed at his wack caption and continued to scroll before noticing he'd posted a picture of the camera i used to use. it had been a while since i'd seen it.
"the time i got to spend with you whilst you took my pictures mattered to me more than the aesthetics behind it. from now on, be in the picture with me. i pray that we fall in love no matter what life we meet in. i love you areum. i truly do."
i love you too namjoon.
t e x t f r o m j o o n i e <3
-'like and comment on my recent hoe'
