; eleven
the next few days was spent with me cringing in bed all day. it was one of those rare feelings that made me feel all good inside before making me want to strangle myself and those seemed to be the only emotions namjoon made me feel.
i was slowly beginning to regret a lot of things but not the kiss. i didn't regret the kiss.
all though a lot happened within that short amount of time, i began to feel as if he was not even regretting the situation but completely choosing to forget it. the idea probably scared him so much that he couldn't even bring himself to contact me in the past two days.
yunmi's wedding was also tomorrow and it was yesterday when i received a text from mitsu. i don't understand how she even managed to even get my number but the text had me annoyed the whole day up to this very moment.
namjoon oppa told me to text you (100% truth) and give out his sincere apologies. he will not be able to make it to your sister's wedding and be your and i quote hot smoking date.
this all goes to reasons from his company saying that he cannot show up to a wedding with someone, it's basically too risky. the paps always manage to find namjoon somehow.
he says sorry
byeee - btw this is mitsu 😀😀👅✨😡😘🔥❤️ luv u (-｡-; unnie💅🙅
the fact that i didn't hear this from namjoon himself made me disappointed in him and i was once again back to trying to decipher his mixed signals.
a second thought in and i grabbed my bag and headed to the workshop. if namjoon did really decide to ditch me on the day before my sister's wedding i might as well hear it from himself or my sister is never going to let this go for as long as i live.
upon arriving to the workshop, i hesitated yet entered thinking i have nothing more to lose. there was no one inside - not even mitsu. i walked to his office area and it was strange to see his computer on but with no one here.
namjoon's computer would be one of the last things i'd want to snoop through (even though my sister had done that long ago) and even looking at the screen made me feel uncomfortable since the information i'd gotten out of it last time made me think that namjoon actually had the hots for me.
it was just when i was about to turn off his computer when i heard namjoon and mitsu's voice from outside of the workshop. i had no reason to hide but i somehow thought it would be a good idea to literally jump behind the couch to prevent them from seeing me.
"thanks for taking my pictures today. you can go home now but you remembered to text areum right?"
"i texted her yesterday and covered it up saying that the company wouldn't let you. i don't get it though. what's the actual reason you're not going to her sister's wedding? she invited you and everything and you just bailed on her the day before. no one would want that."
"i can't face areum right now. it's a different story now. i can't be around her right now or it's going to get difficult."
i lowered my head into my hands as i lost grip of my crouched position causing my boots to click a little. i slightly sprung up because of the noise, curious to see if they had heard me. mitsu was getting ready to leave but namjoon was already looking straight into my direction with an expression of guilt written all over his face. it's as if he knew i was there all along.
i got up and rushed past a flustered mitsu without looking at namjoon and left the workshop. different from the warm air that i walked to the workshop in, it was now strangely cold. i was nothing but numb at this point. i've never been myself around a guy as much as i have with namjoon and even if we bickered all the time, it was just us being us.
from the moment i first met him to now, there wasn't a single moment in which i didn't admire namjoon. i admired the way he spent endless nights in the workshop trying to write lyrics, i admired how his eyes would light up when we'd talk about his fans but most importantly, i admired how he never lost himself despite the embellished world he lived in. he was just namjoon- my home.
unfortunately, as much as i realise i'm falling for him, the more he makes me feel out of place. immersed yet overwhelmed with all of the contemplating voices in my head, i couldn't help but to cry. crying doesn't mean weakness at all but i'd vowed to never cry over something as stupid as a boy but here i was.
it wasn't long before i began to hear brisk footsteps behind me. i wiped my tears before eagerly turning around. it wasn't him. the random man stopped in front of me waiting for me to speak as i awkwardly bowed and excused my self.
for someone who i always tried to find in a room full of people, i wished that he would look for me too.
