Our first week back at school has been rather hectic. I haven't gotten a chance to sit down and breathe, and just think about everything that's been going on. It seems as if the minute we stepped off the platform our professors have hit us with an impenitrable wall of essays and reading. Draco and I are running on fumes, what with our night excursions in addition to our school work and social lives.
When Kayla's New Year's Eve party ended, all of us girls stayed the night. All through the wee hours of the morning we talked and laughed, drinking and telling stories. It was one of those days that a girl knows she needs friends.
Though the majority of mine are fake, including my best girl friend, that doesn't change the fact that I need them. When things get tough with Draco and Kayla, I mean when things get really messed up, I'm going to need them.
He gave her Grandmother's ring. I can see it on her finger, twisting and glittering menacingly in the light. It twinkles is laughter at me for being a fool. He's made a promise to both of us that he can't keep; it's got me wondering.
Kayla will win in the short run, of that I'm sure. I've talked to my mum a bit about it and she's assured me she understands the situation. It seems the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. She too once had that situation with daddy.
If my mum turned out a winner, and Draco's just like my father, I can't help but hope that I'll win too. Their love is so different from ours. It didn't stem from a best friendship that will serve us well past our years of sexual attraction or the honeymoon stage. Our love will serve us into old age.
I don't need to be with him to survive...I just need him in my life. I won't care when they go public because I'll always have him deep in my heart. We've got something she'll be unable to understand. My only worry is that she'll become an absolute nutter trying to understand it.
In other news, I think it's official to mention Blaise has a right proper crush on Frankie and he's too chicken to do anything about it. I've been trying to nudge him in the right direction, as I'm sure Kayla has as well. I know she spoke to him on the train while I was with Draco.
I'd gotten changed, but before I could exit the restroom, Draco and I were inside with the door locked. I hugged him fiercly, knowing that something was bothering him.
"What's wrong?" I asked, noticing his breathing was getting heavier. Draco has these slight panic attacks when he's facing situations he's not so sure about. He doesn't have them for stupid reasons though, so when he experiences them they're serious.
"I don't know if I can do this. I love her. I do. I just...she makes me so happy. I just-" My heart seized in my chest as he spoke, listening to him ramble on about her, but I knew he needed to get it out. He twisted his fingers in my hair, stroking my neck, until he was planting gentle kisses up my jawline.
"I love you so much it hurts. It hurts to be with her even though it's what I want. Every kiss feels like you're the one that I'm wronging." He locked gazes with me, his eyes like pools of melting ice. I swallowed loudly, forcing myself to say the words. Thinking about how much I didn't want him to forget me, I told him what would happen.
"It will get easier. It will stop hurting with time: once we end things, we'll be simply just friends as before. Everything will be alright. You're supposed to be with her right now, and we don't know when you won't be able to be, but for now you're in the proper position. It's going to take some time."
It hurt me to know my words would become a reality. I like that he hurts when he's with her, even though it's what he wants. I like that he needs me.
Right now I'm just not enough.
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Author's Note:
I'm annoyed that I can't remember my log in info for weheartit. So I can't get a picture to put on this yet, BUT I WILL. Hopefully within the next half hour or so. So you better come look at the picture when it's back up here! Seriously.
