Dear Mum,
I'm sorry that you had to find me this way and that i am only explaining all of this now and in a letter. You would never have understood if i tried to tell you in person. I tried and tried to tell you that i was not okay but you were always too busy or didn't care. I hope that you finally realise what was going on in my head all these years as you never knew, because you didn't care. You may have cared sometimes but you never showed me that you did and that's why i never told you anything. When you found out that i cut you didn't try to help me you just made it worse by having a go at me and not showing that you cared. If you had just talked me about it without getting angry you would have understood why. Now i can truly tell you that the reason i started to self harm was because of the boyfriend that you love and care about more than your own daughter. Yeah there was a hatred between us from the start because i was a daddy's girl and he came into our life and ruined it for me as a child who only wanted their dad. Even with that from the start he could have tried to have a relationship with me but it was never even considered. There was always one rule for the boys and another for me and everything was always my fault.
(For the readers Connor is Carolyn's mums boyfriend)
Connor's son Billy was always in the right and i was in the wrong, everything that Billy did wrong was always my fault and i was the one to get in trouble. You also may not have realised that Connor always made side comments about me, putting me down every second that he could. I was bullied in school all my life and i couldn't escape the bullying because when i came home it was still there. All of the arguments caused me to hate myself and blame myself for everything, i mean it was all my fault right?
When i say that i want to move in with my dad it's because of all the times Connor had told me that i wasn't welcome in my own home and told me to leave and move in with my dad which i would happily do if i wasn't being put into a coffin in the ground. I started to cut because of all of this and you didn't even know, not that you cared anyway. Mum i'm sorry but it's fine right? Because you don't care about me?
Goodbye Mum
Love,
Your Daughter
Carolyn x
YOU ARE READING
Goodbye
Dla nastolatkówThis is a series of letters left behind by a girl called Carolyn to say goodbye to her family and friends. Warning this will be triggering and after the letters there will be a detailed description if her suicide.
