Player's Game

4 - What's the Deal

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Tiana

Giving anyone the benefit of the doubt is a way to cope with your conscience; it is a way of tricking yourself into feeling more secure and trusted in yourself and others around you; my way of accepting and dealing with people around me is to let them come and go as they please and let my expectations run high when needing them as they need me. I am an open book and, because of that, I have never really found a context to protect myself emotionally.

An example of this is allowing and accepting that my brother and best friend are closer than ever, spending each weekend together and the majority of their day is spent exploring their now ongoing 'relationship'.

It was begging to aggravate me, not because they were together but because everything else to them didn't seem as important anymore. I was being cut out and avoided, not everything is being said and I am annoyed at the fact I am the last to know about everything.

I adjusted my backpack and walked further down the halls towards my locker seeing my best friends laughing and joking around. I smile at them. 

Why did I feel so excluded when they were waiting for me?

If it wasn't for them my state and mind would remain in my depression, for the amount of time I have spent sinking into a void, these angels have pulled me out.

"Tiana!" Dianna called, she rushed over to me and embraced me in her arms. I was the happiest girl on earth. "Hello, my love."

In feeling so lonely I always try to remind myself that I have moments like this and people like Diana that I am always loved and thought of. I don't need anyone. Diana has always been the one with the kindness and selfless mind, her awareness of other people's need for compassion and her way of seeing the good in people made me truly believe there is love in the world.

"Have you heard!?" Diana bounced. Confused we walked over to the girls. Maria looked as worried as ever, she gripped onto Liv and seemed as if she was looking at her for an escape however knowing her, I knew something was up.

Once again, I found myself giving the benefit of the doubt, "What am I missing?" I asked jumping in with a smile.

"Well, Diana wants our advice on something and, she really needs our help," she stated, nervously chuckling at her. Diana rolled her eyes and smiled at me, "True, but it can wait." She scowled at Maria, and again that sinking feeling of mine flooded.

I place my hands on my hips and raise my eyebrows, showing her that I was angry for the first time. Although I recognised that it was expected, I disagree that everyone else heard about it so quickly.

"No, what's going on with you, and why have you avoided me?

"What do you mean? Nothing happened, everything is okay!" she shortened. I flinch at her sudden outburst whilst Liv and Diana giggle at each other. Maria's cheeks shaded red as I beamed to myself knowing exactly what she was about to say.

Laughing, I decided to play along with her words. "Okay Maria, if you say so. I believe you," I nod at her, Liv and Diana mirrored my action.

Maria never liked to lie; she always felt guilty about the little things, and because of her paranoia and overthinking, the truth always came out, whether it was a big or white lie. This was reflected in her motto, "The truth shall set you free." Her expression changed, and I saw her freeze.

"Come on, we gotta get to class," I sighed, pretending to look sad. I turned to face the girls, shot them a knowing glance, and turned to slowly leave.