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Beautiful Stars

Life wasn't what you thought it would be. It was never the way people, TV shows, and movies portrayed it. 'Live your life to the fullest!' that's what they say. But what you're doing isn't living. It's existing. Your parents are both dead. Leaving behind a mountain of debt and a shitty house that you can barely pay for. Your job is slowly chipping away at what is left of your sanity and happiness. Each time you go to work, you're walking on a tightrope with the wind blowing against you. One wrong move and you'll topple off the rope to the unforgiving ground. A balancing act that is impossible to keep up. There. At your job. You can't do anything right. With the way your boss is, you never will. Forever a worthless failure. Just there so that you can be a convenient verbal punching bag. You want to leave but where will you go? There isn't anything you can fall back on and having a job is better than the alternative.

Every day it's the same thing. You wake up. Go to work. Come home. Sleep. Repeat over and over like a song set on an endless loop. This life, that is yours, isn't worth attempting to live. Not anymore, at least.

What's the point in even trying anymore?

Why should I try?

I shouldn't.

I'm tired.

I'm done with all of this.

No more.

Your mind was made up. Stepping out of your parents' house, you ignore the blistering cold that wraps around your body from the wintry night. It's fitting. The winter weather seems to be mirroring the complacent cold that has seeped into your soul long ago. It doesn't even bother you, despite the fact that you're not dressed for the weather at all. A T-shirt and jeans with an old pair of sneakers.

What's the point in changing when it's going to be over soon anyway?

Your feet seem to already have a plan whereas your mind is hazy. They carry you to your final destination without any guidance. The park. It's late in the day. The sun had just finished setting and the parking lot is vacant save for a couple of stray cars. Probably teens looking to hook up or some people wanting to look at the stars. Regardless, you won't be disturbed.

Taking an abrupt turn, your feet crunch in the snow as you head off the path towards the secluded lake in the back. Tall trees looming over your small shivering form. How is it that your body seems to feel the cold but you're numb inside? It has pierced your physical shell. It has yet to pierce your mental one. Soon it never will.

You stop right at the edge of the lake. The plants and fauna already covered in a thick layer of snow. Hibernating until they can bloom again in the spring. Looking up, you see a layer of ice and snow hiding the freezing water beneath. Several signs surround the perimeter to deter people away stating "Don't walk! Thin Ice! Danger!"

Perfect.

With a timid step, you place a sneakered foot on the ice closest to your form. The high pitched crackling sound reaching your ears as hairline fractures spider web out from under your foot where it applied pressure. You can't help the small smile that reaches your lips. It was beautiful to see. Taking careful steps, you manage to make it to the center of the lake. The cracking sounds following your entire journey until you were dead center. Warning you about what's to come if you don't leave but there was no need. You already knew. It's why you were here. It was as though Mother Nature was whispering "Are you sure that you want to do this?" in your ear.

Yes. Yes, I do.

Stars speckle the sky above and you gasp at the gorgeous view. For a last moment, this wasn't so bad. Better than what millions of others experienced, that's for sure. The weather was clear save for a brisk wind. The stars filling the night sky. A comfortable silence surrounding you and everything else nearby. This was nice. You liked this. You wanted this.