Don't Hesitate

Chapter I

One

"You can't catch me!" I say, running as fast as my little four year-old feet can take me with my dirt-covered sandals on a hot summer day.

"How could you say that Laur?" A big, lumbering voice behind me calls, followed by clamorous chimes of laughter. The figure reaches for my little waist with his thick, wrinkled hands and sets me on top of his broad, strong shoulders. I laugh and kick as I protest through his arms, and he fought back with tickles.

"You need to be stronger than that, so let's ask Gram for snacks!"

Giving up, I agree silently as he carried us both passed the enchanted garden to our Tudor house, laughing as the wind tousled my amber locks across his face. 

And he and my four year-old self disappear as they go into the house, and as I wake up, having adventures that I will never know and experience.

Although it's almost the end of winter I still wake up drenched in sweat every time I wake up.

One might think that was a good dream but to me they're nightmares-- memories that never existed.

Slowly and quietly, I got out of my blankets and put my feet on the cold, hardwood floor. My window gave a view of cloudy skies and light snow fall. February break went sluggishly, and honestly, I'd rather be in school than stay at home trying to keep myself company-- which was what I did.

It was easy avoiding them, though.

But now work starts for them as well and I don't want them to be bothered by my presence. I get up and softly walk to the bathroom in my room to take a shower. I get ready in silence, putting on boots and my uniform, and putting my hair up in a bun so I can let it down in school when it dries. 

I get my bag and pack my sketchbook and some textbooks, making sure I have everything I need for the day ahead. I fix my bed and the rest of my room before I leave and go downstairs to the kitchen. I peek out the hallway for any signs of my parents. Elizabeth's room seems to be quiet, and so is Luis's, but the way I know they're in the house is because their doors are shut, and Luis's shoes are scattered out in the hallway.

Elizabeth and Luis are my parents. I don't really like calling them mom and dad. Ever since I was a kid, I was never addressed to do so, and I never got the chances to call them those names. They were never really parent figures, and they don't treat me like I was their only daughter, which I am. I was more of an occupant living under the same roof. 

Seeing that the coast is clear, and that they're peacefully in their rooms, I walk down the hallway and down the stairs. It's usually this quiet, especially in a house this big. I hold on to the glossy wooden railing of the main staircase and my bag as I go down the shiny, slippery floor.

If I had my own family and my own house, no matter how big my family will be, I'd still like a small and cozy home. I would never want my kids to feel distant emotionally, let alone physically in a house so cold and big.

That is, if I even want a family. Because I probably wouldn't know how to love them. There's no example for me to go of by. 

I passed by the gigantic family photo we took last year, which is the first thing you see when you enter the house. Luis's arm around Elizabeth's waist, and her hand gently on my shoulder. They're lawyers-- both very elite and prideful people in town and they let it get away with their life. Which is why they aren't divorced, and why they act differently behind people's backs. In everyone else's mind we are a picture-perfect family, but in reality our home has been lonely for as long as i ever remembered.

I pass the picture and go through the kitchen archway to make cereal. The fridge had a new post-it note with a girl's number on it. Probably one of Luis's hook ups. At least both of them have the decency to not bring their dates at home.