Don't Hesitate

Chapter III

*flashback

Three

I haven't been able to keep my whole body from fidgeting from nervousness and excitement. I'm surprised that I even drove safely to school in my new car. I guess it's a good thing I brought it in today because people are already staring at the mysterious driver with the new, sleek convertible.

For the first time I thank my parents silently for giving me a present i can actually use, even though it was to impress their friends.

I pull the sun visor down to see myself for the hundredth time today. It's new for me to start wearing makeup, and I hope I did everything right. I stare at my lips in disgust. People are supposed to like lip gloss? It looks like I just ate a bucket of fried chicken. I tousled my hair, the one thing I was proud of doing. My hair was already naturally wavy, I wish i took care of it sooner. I gave myself a smile. I don't know what i'm doing, but a fresh start was always a good beginning right? I tell myself.

Hopefully they'll like me more than I like myself right now. I take a deep breath and I got out of the car, and already there was a small crowd forming around me.

I give a few smiles to mask my nervousness and briskly walk to the entrance. I officially hate the feeling of people staring at me.

"I wish I prepared for this," I tell myself under my breath. I was making my way to my locker, not looking at anything else but my feet when I saw a pair that blocked my way. I look up and I'm shocked to see Alessandra and her two other friends behind her. She smiled sweetly, but as a person who paints emotions, I can see behind the glint of her eyes to see envy and pride.

"What's your name, new girl?"

I gulped. "I'm not new... I'm Laura." I can see the evident shock in their faces but she's the quickest to mask it. A few kids around us looked kind of shocked as well. 

"Nevermind that," she says irritably. "Do you want to have lunch with us?"

Despite the events from yesterday, I slept fairly well. And even though I was upset last night that my parents left, I'm glad to see that they're still gone.

I stick to the same routine I do every weekend: I clean my room and help our housekeeper, Lucy. I tie my hair up into a ponytail and started with my desk. I cleared out all the drafts of this week's paintings and sculptures and put my pencils and pens in their respective drawers. I then tidy up my shelves and I notice the picture of me and Jamie at a party, sharing a karaoke mic, laughing at each other.

"I've had this for too long," I say to myself as I pick up and throw it in the trash.

Jamie was a great singer. Out of all Alessandra's friends, I considered Jamie my best friend. I thought I saw myself in her, too. Shy, wanting to be wanted. We were both passionate about art. She in music while I was in drawing, painting, and the rest. But I really always wanted to participate in music.

I remember playing the piano at my grandparents, singing and dancing to tunes we made up. So I was drawn to Jamie because of her talent in the piano and in singing. I knew we were close. I knew our friendship was real. I still believe to this day we could have made it work. But things don't always go the way you want them too. People are selfish and afraid. And those were Jamie's two weaknesses.

I make my way downstairs and I see Lucy tidying up the scattered pillows in the living room. I swiftly go to the curtains and straighten them out. I don't know what Elizabeth and Luis were doing but it seemed like they made everything a mess.

"Oh, good morning Ms. Ricci," Lucy smiles, putting the satin pillows back to their respective places.

I hated it when she called me that. "Good morning Lucy," I smile back. "Did you already make breakfast?"

She gives a curt nod. I smile. "Would you like to join me eat?"

Sometimes I think my parents don't only pay her to do housework, but to be with me too, kind of like a babysitter. Or maybe Lucy genuinely feels sorry for me, and only keeps me company out of pity.

She talks about her grandchildren and her February vacation while I just nod and smile, finding peace at just having small conversations and finding more about people. I like listening and knowing things. After breakfast, I felt much better. I thanked Lucy for helping around the house and I watched her leave.

It's now in the middle of the afternoon so I decided to go for a run. It helped clear my head and I liked listening to music while I ran. I got the habit from Jamie, I used to run with her but now that she's gone I still did it. I smile. She left some good things for me too.

I hope I left some good things for her as well.

As I approach my house I see a mail truck stop to deliver something. I speed up my jog to see what they left, wishing I could say thanks. There was only one letter, and it was for me. From my grandparents. I smile for the first time in what I felt was a long time. I can't contain my excitement, so I open the letter and I gasp when I saw what was inside. I take out a small piece of paper, and it only read "Happy Early Birthday! We love and miss you." And it was signed by my grandparents, Uncle Brian and Jesse. I laugh. Jesse's handwriting is still the same since we learned how to write!

I forget there was still another item inside the envelope and everything literally stopped when I saw what I was holding.

A one way plane ticket to Boston.

I didn't really know that a person was at home until I hear swears and slamming of cabinets in the kitchen. I was too busy thinking about the present they all gave.

I made my way to where the sounds were coming and I see Luis, his hair a mess, his shirt untucked and his tie barely hanging around his neck. He's running his arm frantically above the kitchen shelves.

"Where's the fucking alcohol in this fucking house?" He mutters. I could not help but gasp at his unusual appearance. This was not the tall, strong figure everyone looked up too. This was not the influential, bright eyed business man I always saw. This was a dog, lost and weak and was desperately trying to drink away his misery.

He stops what he's doing as he heard my gasp, and quickly whips his head to face me, his eyes blood-shot, his face twisted into annoyance. But he slowly forms a menacing smile as he comes closer to me.

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